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    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Arabic
      • Home Country:
      • Bahrain
      • Current Location:
      • Bahrain

    • Join Date: Oct 2015
    • Posts: 26
    #1

    Correct my passage Please ( E mail to a vendor )

    I have written this passage as an email to one of our vendors . Please check it for me, to avoid mistakes in future .

    "
    Dear Mr. Hari,

    With reference to our joint-site-visit, for BB building, on 16th of June 2016, and with reference to the recommendations you sent, we agreed with the choice of changing the entire CCTV system in the above mentioned building.

    The new system suppose to be fulfill replacement of the existing one, as it is used for covering the hall and its two entries, without the extra locations we visited.

    So that, can you send us a Budgetary Quotation for a CCTV system for BB building ?

    Regards

    "

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Malaysia
      • Current Location:
      • Malaysia

    • Join Date: Apr 2014
    • Posts: 3,295
    #2

    Re: Correct my passage Please ( E mail to a vendor )

    Quote Originally Posted by EMHM View Post
    I have written this passage as an email to one of our vendors . Please check it for me, to avoid mistakes in future.

    Dear Mr. Hari,

    With reference to our joint site visit (no hyphen needed) for of BB building (no hyphen) on 16th of June 2016, and with reference to the recommendations you sent, we agreed agree with the your choice proposal of changing the entire CCTV system in the above mentioned building.

    The new system is supposed to be fulfil replacement of totally replace the existing one, as it is used for covering to cover the hall and its two entries entrances, without the extra locations (?)we visited.

    So that, Can you send us a Budgetary Quotation for a the CCTV system for BB building?

    Regards
    .
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 25-Jul-2016 at 10:56. Reason: Added one correction
    I am not a teacher.

  1. emsr2d2's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Jul 2009
    • Posts: 41,829
    #3

    Re: Correct my passage Please ( E mail to a vendor )

    Say "our joint site visit to [name of building].

    I would use "... we agree with your proposal to change ..."
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Arabic
      • Home Country:
      • Bahrain
      • Current Location:
      • Bahrain

    • Join Date: Oct 2015
    • Posts: 26
    #4

    Re: Correct my passage Please ( E mail to a vendor )

    I like your writings, you make English language seems simple and easy. I hope one day I'll be able to write your way.

    If possible, I'll be happy if you guide me for the areas where I have to improve, and the websites that helps ( if any ).

    tedmc and emsr2d2 thank you for what you are giving me from your time and effort.
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 26-Jul-2016 at 17:09.

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