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    #1

    Editing for a paragraph that describes a certain scene

    Hi everyone, I tried to describe something that I saw today in oral English. But still I think there's some mistakes in it. Could you take a look and find the mistake for me and how would you describe the scene if you were to describe it? Again, it's meant to be in oral English so that it's meant just for clarity!


    "Today I saw some vegabond looking for food in the trash bins while I was wandering aroung the campus playing Pokémon Go. He started searching in trash bins specialized for bottles and cans. I saw him drinking liquids left by others. He drank several leftovers in different trash bins. And then, he started searching for food in trash bins specialized for compost. I saw him manage to find something. He ate some can, possibly a fish can, using a spool on the scene. And he took something away with him after searching from several trash bins around. I think he got a transparent package of possibly burgers and I couldn't see the other clearly. But he took these two to save for later."


    Thanks in advance!

  1. Raymott's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Editing for a paragraph that describes a certain scene

    "Today I saw some vegabond looking for food ..." Vegabond - A vagabond who looks for only vegetarian food?

  2. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Editing for a paragraph that describes a certain scene

    Quote Originally Posted by Raymott View Post
    "Today I saw some vegabond looking for food ..." Vegabond - A vagabond who looks for only vegetarian food?
    I sincerely hope so! That would be a great new word. However, this vegabond isn't doing very well given that, in the course of the story, he ate both fish and meat.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  3. teechar's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Editing for a paragraph that describes a certain scene

    Quote Originally Posted by kayakForFun View Post
    Today I saw some vagabond looking for food in the trash bins while I was wandering around the campus playing Pokémon Go. He started searching in trash recycle bins specialized (used) for bottles and cans. I saw him drinking liquids left by others. He drank several leftovers in what was left in several bottles and cans from different trash bins. And then, he started searching for food in the other trash bins. specialized for compost. I saw him manage to find something. He ate the contents of some (tin) can, possibly fish. can, using a spool on the scene. And he took something away with him after searching from rummaging through several trash bins around. I think he got a transparent package of possibly half-eaten burger still in its wrapping, and and I couldn't see the rest of what he got other clearly, but he took these two to save that away for later.
    .

  4. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Editing for a paragraph that describes a certain scene

    Don't say he rummaged through the trash bins "around". Just say he rummaged through the trash bins.

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    #6

    Re: Editing for a paragraph that describes a certain scene

    Quote Originally Posted by Raymott View Post
    "Today I saw some vegabond looking for food ..." Vegabond - A vagabond who looks for only vegetarian food?
    That's nice word...

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    #7

    Re: Editing for a paragraph that describes a certain scene

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    I sincerely hope so! That would be a great new word. However, this vegabond isn't doing very well given that, in the course of the story, he ate both fish and meat.
    Yeah, that was a sad.

  5. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #8

    Re: Editing for a paragraph that describes a certain scene

    Quote Originally Posted by kayakForFun View Post
    That's a nice word.
    See above. Remember to use articles. I don't know why you used the emoticon for "I'm embarrassed" in this post.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  6. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #9

    Re: Editing for a paragraph that describes a certain scene

    Quote Originally Posted by kayakForFun View Post
    Yeah, that was a sad.
    See above. Don't use an article before an adjective if the adjective is not followed by a noun.

    That was sad.
    That was a sad fact.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  7. teechar's Avatar
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    #10

    Re: Editing for a paragraph that describes a certain scene

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    Don't say he rummaged through the trash bins "around". Just say he rummaged through the trash bins.
    I parsed the OP's text as "several of the trash bins which were around/about the place."

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