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  1. Newbie
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    #1

    Help me correct my essay please ( Zoos good or bad)

    Dear teacher,
    I'm self learning English to take TOEFL exams. Please help me correct my essay below. Thanks in advance.


    As a child, I used to go to the zoo with my parents, then I felt very happy to see wild animals. However, now I do not agree with fact that wild animals are being captured in the zoo. Because capturing animals will make them suffer and loss of freedom.
    Captive animals might lose their instincts to in wild habitat. The zoo often separate baby animals from their parents too early to learn survival skills. For example, animals such as lions, tigers and any other kind of predators often hunt to survive. Without parents, these animals have no way to learn hunting techniques. Being captured for long period in the zoo, they might also lose their skills gradually. For instance, those animals provided human processed food for a long time might face difficulty in finding and eating food in the wild when they are sent back to their habitats.
    Many people say that the zoo will teach children to understand wild animals lives better. Unfortunately this is not true in most of cases. On the contrary, zoos provide the distorted images of the wild animals that are kept in artificial environments. As in the case of Arturo, an unfortunate polar bear used to live in a zoo in Argentina, we brought to our children a bad example of wildlife abuse. Polar bears should live in a very low temperautre environment like the Arctic instead of in a subtropical area of Argentina. Not only did the zoo constrain Arturo by high temperature, but also mentally by loneliness.

    In sum, though some people may oppose this, people should give animals an opportunity to live in normal surroundings. Animals exist in this world without purpose to amuse and teach people. If people want to help them, they have to protect the wild world, and not to destroy it.

  2. teechar's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Help me correct my essay please ( Zoos good or bad)

    Quote Originally Posted by tvth_04 View Post
    As a child, I used to go to the zoo with my parents. then I felt very happy to see wild different animals then. However, now I do not agree with fact that wild animals are being captured kept in the zoos because capturing animals will make them suffer, and it also means the loss of their freedom.
    Quote Originally Posted by tvth_04 View Post
    Captive animals might lose their instincts to in wild habitat. The zoo often separate baby animals from their parents too early to learn survival skills. For example, animals such as lions, tigers and any other kind of predators often hunt to survive. Without parents, these animals have no way to learn hunting techniques. Being captured for long period in the zoo, they might also lose their skills gradually. For instance, those animals provided human processed food for a long time might face difficulty in finding and eating food in the wild when they are sent back to their habitats.
    That is not a good/convincing argument. Most animals in zoos are not put back into the wild.

    Quote Originally Posted by tvth_04 View Post
    Many people say that the zoo will teach children to understand wild animals' lives better. Unfortunately this is not true in most of cases. On the contrary, zoos provide the distorted images of the wild animals that are kept in artificial environments. As in the case of Arturo, an unfortunate polar bear that used to live in a zoo in Argentina, we brought to our children a bad example of wildlife abuse. Polar bears should live in a very low-temperature environment like the Arctic instead of in a subtropical area of Argentina. Not only did the zoo constrain lead to Arturo by suffering from the heat, high temperature, but it also led to the unfortunate animal suffering mentally by due to loneliness.

    In summary, though some people may disagree, oppose this, people should give animals an opportunity to live in their natural habitats. normal surroundings. Animals exist in this world without not for the purpose to of amusing and or teaching people. If people want to help them, they have to protect the wild world, and not to destroy it.
    I just want to add a note that in a good essay, the writer alludes, at the end of the introduction, to the main points they'll discuss in the essay. Then they, typically, dedicate a body paragraph to each of those points. In your case, you mentioned "suffering" and "loss of freedom", so you could have used those themes for your body paragraphs.

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