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      • Native Language:
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    #1

    Correct my passage Please (Weekend)

    I have written this passage just for practice. Please check it for me.

    “Spending twelve hours every day outside home, makes me feel like to spend all my weekend with my family. I try to do as many activities as possible with them. We eat outside and shop together. Going to game centres is a must to entertain my seven years son. He likes electric cars and the balls pool. Videoing him is my favourite, for him it has no value for now, but in future this will be good for him to watch.
    I try to go to cinema all together whenever I find a suitable film to watch.
    Before put him to the bed, I read for him a story, and most the time I create that story.”

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    #2

    Re: Correct my passage Please (Weekend)

    Quote Originally Posted by EMHM View Post
    I have written this passage just for practice. Please check it for me.

    “Spending twelve hours every day outside home, makes me feel like to spending all my weekend with my family. I try to do as many activities as possible with them. We eat outside and shop together. Going to game centres is a must to entertain my seven years son. He likes electric cars and the balls pool. Videoing him is my favourite; for him it has no value for now(he may not appreciate it so much now), but in future this it will be good for him to watch.
    I try to go to the cinema all together whenever I find a suitable film to watch.
    Before putting him to the bed, I read for to him a story, and most the time I create that story.”
    .
    I am not a teacher.

  1. Newbie
    Retired English Teacher
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      • Puerto Rico
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    #3

    Re: Correct my passage Please (Weekend)

    Originally Posted by EMHM
    I have written this passage just for practice. Please check it for me.

    “Spending twelve hours outside home every day, makes me feel like to spending all my weekend with my family. I try to do as many activities as possible with them. We eat outside and shop together. Going to game centres is a must to entertain my seven year old son. He likes electric cars and the balls pool. ​Filming videos of him is my favourite; for him it has no value for now(he may not appreciate it so much now), but in future thisit will be good for him to watch.

    I try to go to the cinema all together whenever I find a suitable film to watch.
    Before putting him to the bed, I read for to him a story, and most the time I create that story.”

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      • Chinese
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    #4

    Re: Correct my passage Please (Weekend)

    1. Spending twelve hours outside home every day- I agree this is an improvement over the original sentence.
    2. seven-year-old son - the three-word adjective is hypenated.
    3. "Video" can also be used as a verb, especially in this age when videos are often taken using other types of media besides film.
    I am not a teacher.

  2. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Correct my passage Please (Weekend)

    "Outside home" is unnatural in BrE.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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    #6

    Re: Correct my passage Please (Weekend)

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    "Outside home" is unnatural in BrE.
    How would you put it?

    How about just "outside" since home is understood in the context?
    I am not a teacher.

  3. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: Correct my passage Please (Weekend)

    I've been trying to work out what I would say. "Outside" on its own doesn't have the same connotation as it specifically means outdoors/in the fresh air/not inside a building.
    "Outside home" could mean at work/at a friend's house/on holiday, anything that isn't "at home".

    From the context of the original piece, which makes it clear that the speaker wants to spend all weekend with his/her family, doing lots of activities, I assumed "outside home" to simply mean "away from the place where I live".

    I would probably say "Spending twelve hours a day away from home ..." or "Spending twelve hours a day out of the house ..."
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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