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    #1

    David believed he lived in paradise

    I am wondering if my sentence sounds natural. I am not sure if I have punctuated it correctly. Would you please correct my mistakes?

    David believed he lived in paradise until one afternoon a man in a dark suit carrying a briefcase knocked at his door telling him his wife had begun divorce proceedings.

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    #2

    Re: David believed he lived in paradise

    It's a bit longish, but punctuated correctly.

    Correct punctuation does not necessarily make a good sentence. A strict reading would raise the questions, "How is it the suit is carrying a briefcase?" "Is the door telling David about his wife's divorce proceedings, or did the man talk as he was knocking?" These are, of course absurd understandings of your example sentence, but it reminded me of the old joke: "I'll hold this stake and, when I nod my head, you hit it with the hammer."

    I suggest something like: David believed he lived (was living?) in paradise until one afternoon a man, wearing a dark suit and carrying a briefcase, knocked at his door to tell him his wife had begun divorce proceedings.

  1. konungursvia's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: David believed he lived in paradise

    I like the depouille effect of not much puntuation personally

  2. Piscean's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: David believed he lived in paradise

    Quote Originally Posted by konungursvia View Post
    the depouille effect
    I suspect I am not the only member who does not know what that is.
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 31-Jul-2016 at 20:11. Reason: Fixed typo

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    #5

    Re: David believed he lived in paradise

    It's a hot day. I think I'll take a dip in depouille...

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