Help please. I'm in a very critical situation !

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Ines Hilal

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English Teacher
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Arabic
Home Country
Egypt
Current Location
Saudi Arabia
Hi everybody,
I beg for your help to review and correct my cover letter.
An employer replied back that it's [FONT=&quot]full of grammatical and usage errors !
Please find it herewith:

Dear Respected,
I am a native-like fluent English speaker, offering 25 years of corporate experience as a lecturer of TEFL, ESP, EAP, VESL, MT, EOP, Testing, Academic supervisor and project manager across multinational Educational Institutions with whom I have had a bidirectional development and appreciation.
I have been working in different cultural environments with diversity ethnic backgrounds and all types of learners, which has broaden my knowledge and inspired me to utilize my skills to add significant contributions throughout my career.
I am a Holder of several Certificates and PD courses:
. TESOL based course. University of East Anglia, UK.
. Bachelor of Education and Arts. TEFL, English Literature.
. Diploma, Curriculum and Instructions.
. Diploma, Educational Technology.
. Needs analysis and materials development USAID
. SATD (student's achievement test development) AUC
. CELT (Computers in English language teaching) USAID.
. Integrated ESL course (Spectrum).
. Training Trainers for E-training.
. Teacher Training, by "Peter Lucantoni
. Facilitator Development Program, Mclaughlin, Professional Development Manager.
. TESOL convention (Best practice in TEFL), USAID.
. Marketing private and governmental English language institutes. AUC.
. KASAAL, KSA Association of Language Teachers.
. Cert. Classroom Management.
. Cert. Classroom Activities.
. LMS system. MOHE, KSA
. Cert. Teaching New Total English, TQ, Pearson.
. Cert. Engaging& motivating students in language learning.
. Several Appreciation Certificates for Extra Duties and Valuable Contribution.

I assume responsibility for helping learners to articulate and follow their values to make a change and better their world. And committed to contribute to the overall success of the corporation I work for.
I would love to enrich and share 25 years of experience in Teaching, Supervising and Management with your talented team.
Please see attached resume.
Looking forward to a favorable reply,
Sincerely,
Ines Hilal

[/FONT]
 

emsr2d2

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Member Type
English Teacher
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Home Country
UK
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UK
Hi everybody,
I beg for your help to review and correct my cover letter.
An employer replied [STRIKE]back[/STRIKE] saying that it's full of grammatical and usage errors!
[STRIKE]Please find it herewith:[/STRIKE] Here is my letter:

Dear [STRIKE]Respected, [/STRIKE] Mr/Mrs/Miss/Ms + surname

I am a [STRIKE]native-like fluent[/STRIKE] near-native English speaker, [STRIKE]offering[/STRIKE] with 25 years of corporate experience as a lecturer of TEFL, ESP, EAP, VESL, MT, EOP and Testing, and as an academic supervisor and project manager across multinational educational institutions with whom I have had a bidirectional development and appreciation. (I don't know what you mean by the underlined part.)

I have been working in different cultural environments with [STRIKE]diversity[/STRIKE] people of diverse ethnic backgrounds and all types of learners, which has broadened my knowledge and inspired me to utilize my skills to [STRIKE]add[/STRIKE] make significant contributions throughout my career.

I [STRIKE]am a holder of[/STRIKE] hold several certificates and PD (I don't know what that is) [STRIKE]courses[/STRIKE] qualifications:

. TESOL-based course, University of East Anglia, UK.
. Bachelor of Education and Arts, TEFL, English Literature.
. Diploma in Curriculum and Instructions.
. Diploma in Educational Technology.
. Needs analysis and materials development USAID. (Is that a place?)
. SATD (student's achievement test development) AUC. (Is that a place?)
. CELT (Computers in English Language Teaching) USAID.
. Integrated ESL course (Spectrum).
. Training Trainers for E-training.
. Teacher Training, by "Peter Lucantoni.
. Facilitator Development Program, Mclaughlin, Professional Development Manager.
. TESOL convention (Best practice in TEFL), USAID.
. Marketing private and governmental English language institutes. AUC.
. KASAAL, KSA Association of Language Teachers.
. Cert. Classroom Management.
. Cert. Classroom Activities.
. LMS system. MOHE, KSA
. Cert. Teaching New Total English, TQ, Pearson.
. Cert. Engaging& motivating students in language learning.
. Several Appreciation Certificates for Extra Duties and Valuable Contribution.

I assume responsibility for helping learners to articulate and follow their values to make a change and better their world. [STRIKE]And[/STRIKE] I have committed to [STRIKE]contribute[/STRIKE] contributing to the overall success of [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] each corporation I have worked for.
I would love to [STRIKE]enrich and[/STRIKE] share my 25 years of experience in teaching, supervising and management with your talented team.
Please see the attached résumé.

[STRIKE]Looking[/STRIKE] I look forward to a favorable reply,

[STRIKE]Sincerely,[/STRIKE] Yours sincerely,

Ines Hilal

Welcome to the forum. :hi:

Please see my suggested corrections, amendments and comments above, marked in red.
 

Ines Hilal

New member
Joined
Aug 3, 2016
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
Arabic
Home Country
Egypt
Current Location
Saudi Arabia
emsr2d2,
Thank you tons for your prompt reply and help.
. I wrote Respected cause I didn't know the employer's name. Kindly advise.
. For the underlined part (bidirectional), I mean from both sides... Does it seem incorrect???
. PD stands for professional development.. Do you think I shouldn't use the abbreviation???
. USAID is : United States Agency For international Development
. AUC is : American University in Cairo.

emsr2d2, What should I do concerning the employer ???? should I reply apologizing?? or what ???

I really feel so ashamed of my self, and didn't want to show my failure, but thought it's better to ask for help rather than crying over spilt milk :(
Thank you again
 

emsr2d2

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Staff member
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
British English
Home Country
UK
Current Location
UK
emsr2d2,
Thank you tons for your prompt reply and help.
You're welcome.

. I wrote Respected cause I didn't know the employer's name. Kindly advise.
If you don't know the name of the addressee, say "Dear Sir/Madam" and end with "Yours faithfully".
. For the underlined part (bidirectional), I mean from both sides... Does it seem incorrect?[STRIKE]??[/STRIKE] I understood what you meant by "bidirectional" but I didn't understand the entire section I underlined.

. PD stands for professional development. Do you think I shouldn't use the abbreviation?[STRIKE]??[/STRIKE] If it's a recognised abbreviation for the name of the course, and you think the person you are writing to will know what it means, then leave "PD". If not, use the full phrase.

. USAID is the United States Agency For International Development. Again, it depends if the addressee already knows what it means.

. AUC is the American University in Cairo. Same comment as the last one.

emsr2d2, what should I do concerning the employer? [STRIKE]????[/STRIKE] Should I reply, apologizing for the errors or something else? [STRIKE]?? or what ???[/STRIKE]

I really feel so ashamed of [STRIKE]my self[/STRIKE] myself, and didn't want to show my [STRIKE]failure[/STRIKE] failings, but I thought [STRIKE]it's [/STRIKE] it would be better to ask for help rather than crying over spilt milk. [STRIKE]:( [/STRIKE]
Thank you again.

See above.

Remember to follow these rules of written English at all times:

- Start every sentence with a capital letter.
- Always capitalise the word "I".
- End every sentence with a single, appropriate punctuation mark.
- Do not put a space before a comma, full stop, question mark or exclamation mark.
- Always put a space after a comma, full stop, question mark or exclamation mark.

On this forum, don't try to make your own emoticons. Click on :) in the toolbar and choose the appropriate one, if you must use one at all.
 

Ines Hilal

New member
Joined
Aug 3, 2016
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
Arabic
Home Country
Egypt
Current Location
Saudi Arabia
Thank you.
But what about the employer? How should I respond?
 

emsr2d2

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
British English
Home Country
UK
Current Location
UK
It's entirely up to you. If you were applying for a job within the English teaching sector, I don't think the employer is going to change his opinion of your English even if you write to him again. You could reply saying "Thank you very much for your feedback. I will concentrate on improving my English in the coming months and I hope that perhaps we can work together at some point in the future". I don't think you're going to get a second chance with this specific job unfortunately.
 
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