[Essay] The growth of cities: present and future consequences

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mrelvis93

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Good evening! I'm studying for the CAE exam on my own and I'm practicing also for the writing part. Would you please be so kind to have a look at my essay and make some suggestions or corrections? I thank you in advance.

This is the task:
The growth of cities: present and future consequences:
- explain why people move to urban areas from the countryside
- discuss some of the consequences of this trend
- give your view on what is likely to happen in the future


In these last years, we are always more observing the sprawl of cities which are expanding at the expence of rural areas. This is the result of a major influx of people moving from the peaceful and quiet countryside to the vibrant and frenetic towns. Plenty of reasons of this tendency could be discussed.
Firstly, young people seek out for more exciting job opportunities and the urban environment can undoubtedly offer a wider range of jobs which can even be often better paid.
Secondly, what attract people to the image of the metropolis are the modern amenities such as convenient and comfortable public transport, thriving cultural events and a colourful and rewarding social life.
Furthermore, the elderly can have easier access to healthcare services.

This phenomenon is leading to the progressive depopulation of the countries and even their basic foundations such as schools and the main workforce could soon be depleted.
It is therefore necessary that governments take decisive and prompt steps to carry out projects focused on increasing the countryside workforce or investments prioritising the expansion of employment.
Fortunately, wealthier people often go on vacation to the countryside in order to avoid the hustle and bustle of the city and some of them put efforts into building touristic estates and attractions which give a more active life to the countries.

In conclusion, it is important to reach a certain balance between city and country because it is clear that the overcrowd of cities is causing overbuilding, localized poverty in the shanty areas of the town, higher crime rates and an increase of the incidence of infectious disease.
 

teechar

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Good evening! I'm studying for the CAE exam on my own and I'm practicing also for the writing part. Would you please be so kind to have a look at my essay and make some suggestions or corrections? I thank you in advance.

This is the task:
The growth of cities: present and future consequences:
- explain why people move to urban areas from the countryside
- discuss some of the consequences of this trend
- give your view on what is likely to happen in the future


In [STRIKE]these last[/STRIKE] recent years, [STRIKE]we are always more observing[/STRIKE] the sprawl of cities which are expanding at the expense of rural areas has become an established phenomenon. This is the result of [STRIKE]a major[/STRIKE] the influx of people moving from the peaceful and quiet countryside to the vibrant and frenetic towns. [STRIKE]Plenty of[/STRIKE] There are several reasons for this trend. [STRIKE]of this tendency could be discussed[/STRIKE].

Firstly, young people seek out [STRIKE]for[/STRIKE] more exciting job opportunities in cities, and the urban environment can undoubtedly offer a wider range of jobs which can even be often better paid.

Secondly, what attracts people to [STRIKE]the image of[/STRIKE] the metropolis are the modern amenities such as the convenient and comfortable public transport, [STRIKE]thriving[/STRIKE] alluring cultural events and a colourful and rewarding social life.

Furthermore, [STRIKE]the elderly[/STRIKE] people can have easier access to healthcare services in larger cities.

This phenomenon is leading to the progressive depopulation of [STRIKE]the countries[/STRIKE] rural areas and even their basic [STRIKE]foundations[/STRIKE] facilities such as schools are closing down. [STRIKE]and the main workforce could soon be depleted.[/STRIKE]

It is, therefore, necessary that governments take decisive and prompt steps to [STRIKE]carry out[/STRIKE] initiate projects focused on [STRIKE]increasing[/STRIKE] supporting the workforce in the countryside, [STRIKE]workforce or[/STRIKE] and to promote investments prioritising the expansion of employment there.
Fortunately, some wealthier people often go on vacation to the countryside in order to avoid the hustle and bustle of the city, and [STRIKE]some of them put efforts into building touristic estates and attractions which[/STRIKE] this kind of tourism often helps sustain rural economies. [STRIKE]gives a more active life to the countries.[/STRIKE]

You could write a bit more on the benefits of healthcare in the city.

In conclusion, it is important to reach a certain balance between city and country because it is clear that the overcrowd of cities is causing overbuilding, localized poverty in the shanty areas of the town, higher crime rates and an increase of the incidence of infectious disease.
Your conclusion doesn't work. You should not bring up new points in the conclusion (overbuilding, poverty, crime and disease). You just need to summarize the main points you discussed in your body paragraphs and give some recommendations.
 
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