Results 1 to 10 of 10
  1. Newbie
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • China
      • Current Location:
      • China

    • Join Date: Aug 2016
    • Posts: 4
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #1

    a short one-paragraph news article

    Write a short one-paragraph news article.Include the following things:
    . a topic sentence
    . answers to the questions Who? What? Where? Why?
    . supporting details to give more information if necessary
    . a concluding sentence
    Below is my exercise,please check:

    Since Lang Ping as a coach led Chinese women's volleyball winning gold in Rio , her 8 year early experience abroad have been exposed again and attracted people attention.Lang Ping as a team member was a very famous people in China in 1980s. But she went to American to study on her own expense in 1987.It was hard of her initial time in American.She was an assistant in a college team.At the same time she was studying in the college and she didn't pay,but she had no income as an assistant.She spent that time by saving money and under friends help.She was invited to play volleyball for an Italy club team during that time.Lang ping's early and later experience shows some conflict and break between bureaucracy and self fulfillment.So many people was interested in studying her story.It is an amazing tale that people like her always made success in past,present,and maybe continuously in the future.
    Last edited by googleusing; 23-Aug-2016 at 23:51.

  2. teechar's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Iraq
      • Current Location:
      • Iraq

    • Join Date: Feb 2015
    • Posts: 2,604
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #2

    Re: a short one-paragraph news article

    Hello googleusing, and welcome to the forum.
    You should submit your homework to your teacher first, and see what comments/corrections they make.
    After doing that, you're more than welcome to ask questions about what your teacher had to say.

  3. Newbie
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • China
      • Current Location:
      • China

    • Join Date: Aug 2016
    • Posts: 4
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #3

    Re: a short one-paragraph news article

    Quote Originally Posted by teechar View Post
    Hello googleusing, and welcome to the forum.
    You should submit your homework to your teacher first, and see what comments/corrections they make.
    After doing that, you're more than welcome to ask questions about what your teacher had to say.
    Hi teechar,
    Thank you for your reply. I am an adult English learner. I am learning in my leisure time now. This is not my homework.So I really hope to get some help or advice about my exercise here if possible.

  4. emsr2d2's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Jul 2009
    • Posts: 34,962
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #4

    Re: a short one-paragraph news article

    First, check the past tense of "lead".
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  5. teechar's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Iraq
      • Current Location:
      • Iraq

    • Join Date: Feb 2015
    • Posts: 2,604
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #5

    Re: a short one-paragraph news article

    Quote Originally Posted by googleusing View Post
    Since Lang Ping, as a coach, led the Chinese women's volleyball team to winning gold in Rio, her 8-year earlier experience abroad have has been exposed under scrutiny again and has attracted people public attention. As an Olympian, Lang Ping as a team member was a very famous person people in China in the 1980s. But she went to the US American to study on at her own expense in 1987. It was initially hard of for her in the US. initial time in American. She was worked as an assistant in a college team. At the same time she was studying in the college and She didn't have to pay college fees,but she had no income as an assistant. She spent During that time, by she saved hard ing money and under relied on her friends' help. She was also invited to play volleyball for an Italian club team during that time. Lang ping's early and later experience shows some conflict and break between bureaucracy and self fulfillment. So many people was interested in studying her story. It is an amazing tale that of how people like her always succeed in the end. made success in past,present,and maybe continuously in the future.
    The highlighted text is difficult to understand. I suggest you rephrase it in a clearer way.
    Also, do you mean "assistant coach" instead of "assistant?"

  6. Newbie
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • China
      • Current Location:
      • China

    • Join Date: Aug 2016
    • Posts: 4
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #6

    Re: a short one-paragraph news article

    Yes, I mean "assistant coach".

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Persian
      • Home Country:
      • Iran
      • Current Location:
      • Iran

    • Join Date: Mar 2016
    • Posts: 109
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #7

    Re: a short one-paragraph news article

    Hello,

    The first line's correction made by @teechar is a little obscure for me. I'd like to state my opinion regarding this line and its correction.

    1) I know before some countries we are not allowed to put "the" like Iran, China etc. But I have sometimes seen the adjective of these nouns get "the" like The Iranian revolution or as in your correction the Chinese volleyball team. Can we conclude that before these adjectives we are permitted to add "the"?

    2) @teechar has used the following structure to correct the original sentence in the first line, but according to Oxford Dictionary this structure is used to denote something else.

    Your structure: Lead + something + to

    Oxford Dictionary: [intransitive, transitive] to go with or in front of a person or an animal to show the way or to make them go in the right direction.

    As you see the usage of the structure is fine but if we are concerned with the meaning of it, we must not use it in this text.

    If I were to correct it I would do it like below:

    ........, led the Chinese women's volleyball team to win gold in Rio, ....................


    3) The phrase concerning the coach's experience in the first line is weird to me and honestly I prefer eliminating to paraphrasing it Have you got such a feeling native speakers of English?

    But I have got much problem with "abroad" in the sentence. I think we should rephrase it something like that:

    Her 8-year earlier experience of abroad

    Her 8-year earlier abroad experience

    Her abroad 8-year experience

    And would you please explain more about s' after year? I mean something like that

    Her 8 years' experience

    Why didn't you correct it as above?

    Regards,

  7. teechar's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Iraq
      • Current Location:
      • Iraq

    • Join Date: Feb 2015
    • Posts: 2,604
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #8

    Re: a short one-paragraph news article

    1- Adjectives have absolutely nothing to do with it! Look at the nouns "revolution" and "team."
    2- The verb "lead" can be followed by an infinitive or a gerund.
    3- Nope, I'm afraid none of your suggestions work; mine does.
    Finally, I haven't corrected the multiple mistakes in your post. Someone else might.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Persian
      • Home Country:
      • Iran
      • Current Location:
      • Iran

    • Join Date: Mar 2016
    • Posts: 109
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #9

    Re: a short one-paragraph news article

    Quote Originally Posted by teechar View Post
    1- Adjectives have absolutely nothing to do with it! Look at the nouns "revolution" and "team."
    2- The verb "lead" can be followed by an infinitive or a gerund.
    3- Nope, I'm afraid none of your suggestions work; mine does.
    Finally, I haven't corrected the multiple mistakes in your post. Someone else might.
    I would have appreciated you if you had corrected my mistakes.

    With regard to number two issue please read my above post again. I didn't say that your structure was wrong, but I said using a gerund after "lead" will change the meaning of the sentence.

    Would you please explain more about the structure used in the "experience" phrase?

    I'm sure that the following sentence is grammatical: Her 8 years' experience. Why did you say it was wrong?

  8. teechar's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Iraq
      • Current Location:
      • Iraq

    • Join Date: Feb 2015
    • Posts: 2,604
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #10

    Re: a short one-paragraph news article

    Quote Originally Posted by Flogger View Post
    Her 8 years' experience. Why did you say it was wrong?
    I didn't actually see that one. That can work. Note, however, that it's not a sentence. All your other suggestions are incorrect.

Similar Threads

  1. [General] Excerpt from News Article
    By Kengo in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 21-Oct-2011, 16:46
  2. [Grammar] News article
    By Kengo in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 21-Apr-2011, 04:34
  3. [Grammar] about VOA'S news article
    By tien-sung in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 22-Jun-2010, 17:22
  4. What's the meaning of the paragraph on BBC news
    By chebu in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 14-May-2010, 05:31
  5. News article
    By Waawe in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 27-Feb-2008, 01:13

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •