[Essay] a short one-paragraph news article

[googleusing]

Write a short one-paragraph news article.Include the following things:
. a topic sentence
. answers to the questions Who? What? Where? Why?
. supporting details to give more information if necessary
. a concluding sentence

Below is my exercise,please check:

Since Lang Ping as a coach led Chinese women's volleyball winning gold in Rio , her 8 year early experience abroad have been exposed again and attracted people attention.Lang Ping as a team member was a very famous people in China in 1980s. But she went to American to study on her own expense in 1987.It was hard of her initial time in American.She was an assistant in a college team.At the same time she was studying in the college and she didn't pay，but she had no income as an assistant.She spent that time by saving money and under friends help.She was invited to play volleyball for an Italy club team during that time.Lang ping's early and later experience shows some conflict and break between bureaucracy and self fulfillment.So many people was interested in studying her story.It is an amazing tale that people like her always made success in past,present,and maybe continuously in the future.

 

[teechar]

Hello googleusing, and welcome to the forum. :hi:
You should submit your homework to your teacher first, and see what comments/corrections they make.
After doing that, you're more than welcome to ask questions about what your teacher had to say.

 

[googleusing]

Hello googleusing, and welcome to the forum. :hi:
You should submit your homework to your teacher first, and see what comments/corrections they make.
After doing that, you're more than welcome to ask questions about what your teacher had to say.

Hi teechar,
Thank you for your reply. I am an adult English learner. I am learning in my leisure time now. This is not my homework.So I really hope to get some help or advice about my exercise here if possible.

 

[emsr2d2]

First, check the past tense of "lead".

 

[teechar]

Since Lang Ping, as a coach, led the Chinese women's volleyball team to winning gold in Rio, her 8-year earlier experience abroad [STRIKE]have[/STRIKE] has been [STRIKE]exposed[/STRIKE] under scrutiny again and has attracted [STRIKE]people[/STRIKE] public attention. As an Olympian, Lang Ping [STRIKE]as a team member[/STRIKE] was a very famous person [STRIKE]people[/STRIKE] in China in the 1980s. But she went to the US [STRIKE]American[/STRIKE] to study [STRIKE]on[/STRIKE] at her own expense in 1987. It was initially hard [STRIKE]of[/STRIKE] for her in the US. [STRIKE]initial time in American.[/STRIKE] She [STRIKE]was[/STRIKE] worked as an assistant in a college team. [STRIKE]At the same time she was studying in the college and[/STRIKE] She didn't have to pay college fees，but she had no income as an assistant. [STRIKE]She spent[/STRIKE] During that time, [STRIKE]by[/STRIKE] she saved hard [STRIKE]ing money[/STRIKE] and [STRIKE]under[/STRIKE] relied on her friends' help. She was also invited to play volleyball for an Italian club [STRIKE]team[/STRIKE] during that time. Lang ping's early and later experience shows some conflict and break between bureaucracy and self fulfillment. So many people was interested in studying her story. It is an amazing tale [STRIKE]that[/STRIKE] of how people like her always succeed in the end. [STRIKE]made success in past,present,and maybe continuously in the future.[/STRIKE]

The highlighted text is difficult to understand. I suggest you rephrase it in a clearer way.
Also, do you mean "assistant coach" instead of "assistant?"

 

[googleusing]

Yes, I mean "assistant coach".

 

[Flogger]

Hello,

The first line's correction made by @teechar is a little obscure for me. I'd like to state my opinion regarding this line and its correction.

1) I know before some countries we are not allowed to put "the" like Iran, China etc. But I have sometimes seen the adjective of these nouns get "the" like The Iranian revolution or as in your correction the Chinese volleyball team. Can we conclude that before these adjectives we are permitted to add "the"?

2) @teechar has used the following structure to correct the original sentence in the first line, but according to Oxford Dictionary this structure is used to denote something else.

Your structure: Lead + something + to

Oxford Dictionary: [intransitive, transitive] to go with or in front of a person or an animal to show the way or to make them go in the right direction.

As you see the usage of the structure is fine but if we are concerned with the meaning of it, we must not use it in this text.

If I were to correct it I would do it like below:

........, led the Chinese women's volleyball team to win gold in Rio, ....................


3) The phrase concerning the coach's experience in the first line is weird to me and honestly I prefer eliminating to paraphrasing it :-D Have you got such a feeling native speakers of English?

But I have got much problem with "abroad" in the sentence. I think we should rephrase it something like that:

Her 8-year earlier experience of abroad

Her 8-year earlier abroad experience

Her abroad 8-year experience

And would you please explain more about s' after year? I mean something like that

Her 8 years' experience

Why didn't you correct it as above?

Regards,

 

[teechar]

1- Adjectives have absolutely nothing to do with it! Look at the nouns "revolution" and "team."
2- The verb "lead" can be followed by an infinitive or a gerund.
3- Nope, I'm afraid none of your suggestions work; mine does. ;-)
Finally, I haven't corrected the multiple mistakes in your post. Someone else might.

 

[Flogger]

1- Adjectives have absolutely nothing to do with it! Look at the nouns "revolution" and "team."
2- The verb "lead" can be followed by an infinitive or a gerund.
3- Nope, I'm afraid none of your suggestions work; mine does. ;-)
Finally, I haven't corrected the multiple mistakes in your post. Someone else might.

I would have appreciated you if you had corrected my mistakes.

With regard to number two issue please read my above post again. I didn't say that your structure was wrong, but I said using a gerund after "lead" will change the meaning of the sentence.

Would you please explain more about the structure used in the "experience" phrase?

I'm sure that the following sentence is grammatical: Her 8 years' experience. Why did you say it was wrong?

 

[teechar]

Her 8 years' experience. Why did you say it was wrong?

I didn't actually see that one. That can work. Note, however, that it's not a sentence. All your other suggestions are incorrect.