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    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Polish
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      • Poland
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    #1

    Is the fragment properly formulated?

    Hello everyone!

    I would like to inform you that the correct address of our bank (for you) to send the payment of X to is as follows:

    By the sentence in question, I mean to say that "the correct address of our bank to which you/one can send the payment of X is as follows".

    Do you think the fragment in the original sentence means the same as the one in inverted commas?

    I think so, but I prefer to ask.

    Thank you.

    • Member Info
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      • American English
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      • United States
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    #2

    Re: Is the fragment properly formulated?

    More economical wording would be

    Please send payment for X to our bank at:
    Our Bank
    123 Main Street
    Anytown, Europe
    I am not a teacher.

  1. Barb_D's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
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      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Mar 2007
    • Posts: 19,221
    #3

    Re: Is the fragment properly formulated?

    Jacek, I don't want you to think I am making fun of you, because the sentence you wrote is very similar to what a lot of people think "business writing" sounds like. But let's break it down:

    the correct address -- Would anyone think you'd send an incorrect address?

    to which you can send the payment -- You've been reading these forums long enough to know that the "to whom/to which" formation is usually more awkward than other, plainer forms.

    one -- No one uses "one" these days.

    can -- Well, yes, they COULD, but must they? Yes, they must. You are telling them what amount is due So tell them, rather than suggest an option. Pay X. Not "You can can send a payment of X" (if you want to)

    is as follows -- again, overly wordy. Most things can be handled with a colon.

    As written above, the best phrasing is the simplest:

    Please send your payment of X to:
    Bank Name
    Address

    (Usually you include a date that you must receive it by.)

    If you need to show an address for payments that is different from, for example, an address for deposits or inquiries, you could write something like this:

    Please note that the address for payments is:
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

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