[Cover Letter] Help with motivational letter

[FilippoVannella]

Hi everyone,

I would kindly ask you a favour: I've to submit a motivational letter for my university, and I'm looking for a native speaker who can help me to correct this letter.

To Whom It May Concern:

I am XXX XXX, motivated 21-year-old student, and with this letter I would like to express my interest in applying to “Alta Scuola Politecnica”.
I currently hold a bachelor degree in electronics and telecommunications engineering, obtained “cum laude” at Università degli Studi del Sannio. During my bachelor, I joined “Erasmus+ Programme”, studying at the faculty of Electrical Engineering at Warsaw University of Technology for 5 months.
Next year I’m going to attend the Master Degree in “telecommunications and computer networks engineering” at Politecnico di Torino. After completing this MSc, I plan to continue with a PhD in “Electrical, Electronics and Communications engineering” at Polito.
I have been travelling since I was at high school: I did two study trips (P.O.N. Project C1) in London and in Paris, where I awarded a B1 certificate both in English and French language. I also travelled in several countries around Europe by my own. In my free time I love studying music: I have attended the courses of piano and organ at conservatory ”Umberto Giordano” in Foggia for three years before undertaking my bachelor studies.
I have decided to apply for Alta Scuola Politecnica because I am sure it would strongly improve my multidisciplinary skills. Moreover I am very curious about different approaches to my subject and the way it intersects other fields of study. Since high school I’ve been developing a strong interests in studying different subjects because I believe a multidisciplinary preparation is the key to better understanding problems and issues in the own field and the eclecticism is one of the way to bring innovation in the world.
All these are main principles of the Alta Scuola Politecnica in which I perfectly Identify myself.
Furthermore I consider this programme as a great opportunity for me to extend my knowledge in an horizontal way, working with prepared students and getting in touch with strongly renowned professors from all over the world.
I’ve read about all the ASP's courses and I’d be honoured in joining them and working in a stimulating environment facing such interesting interdisciplinary topics.
I’ve also read most of the ASP’s past cycle projects, I’m really impressed by the complexity and efficacy of the works done in a very wide range of fields and I hope that soon I could bring my contribution in an also interesting project. If chosen for this place, I would adapt quickly to the needs of the group, contributing in the best way possible. I am willing to work closely with other team members to ensure that projects run well.
Thank you for reading this letter and my apply proposal. I hope that you will consider me for this position; Should you require further information, please do not hesitate to contact me.


Yours sincerely,
XXX XXX

 

[emsr2d2]

Out of curiosity, if you're planning to study in Torino and Polito (both of which, I believe, are in Italy), why does your motivation letter need to be in English?

 

[FilippoVannella]

Hi, Torino it's in Italy and Polito stands for "Politecnico di Torino", a technical university located in Torino. I've to write this letter because I want to apply a particular international program offered by Polito called "Alta Scuola Politecnica", which requires a motivational letter in english.

 

[emsr2d2]

Hi, Torino [STRIKE]it's[/STRIKE] is in Italy and Polito stands for "Politecnico di Torino", a technical university located in Torino. I've to write this letter because I want to apply a particular international program offered by Polito called "Alta Scuola Politecnica", which requires a motivational letter in English.

See above. Note that "I've to", although grammatically correct, is uncommon in BrE. It's used extensively in Irish English, I believe.

I don't have time to concentrate on your letter at the moment but I'm sure someone else will help out.

 

[FilippoVannella]

Please, could someone help me?

 

[teechar]

[STRIKE]To Whom It May Concern:[/STRIKE]
Dear Sir/Madam,

[STRIKE]I am XXX XXX, motivated 21-year-old student, and with this letter[/STRIKE] I would like to express my interest in applying to study at Alta Scuola Politecnica.

I currently hold a bachelor's degree in electronics and telecommunications engineering, obtained cum laude at Università degli Studi del Sannio. During my bachelor's, I joined the Erasmus+ Programme, studying at the faculty of Electrical Engineering at Warsaw University of Technology for 5 months.

Next year I'm going to [STRIKE]attend[/STRIKE] do the master's degree in telecommunications and computer networks engineering at Politecnico di Torino. After completing that program, [STRIKE]this MSc,[/STRIKE] I plan to continue with a PhD in electrical, electronics and communications engineering at Polito.

I have [STRIKE]been travelling[/STRIKE] travelled to many places since I was at high school: I did two study trips (P.O.N. Project C1) [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] to London and [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] Paris, where I was awarded a B1 certificate both in English and French. [STRIKE]language.[/STRIKE] I also travelled [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] to several countries around Europe [STRIKE]by[/STRIKE] on my own. In my free time I love studying music: I [STRIKE]have[/STRIKE] attended [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] courses [STRIKE]of[/STRIKE] for the piano and organ at [STRIKE]conservatory[/STRIKE] Umberto Giordano conservatory in Foggia for three years before undertaking my bachelor's studies.

I have decided to apply for Alta Scuola Politecnica because I am sure it would strongly improve my multidisciplinary skills. Moreover, I am very curious about exploring different approaches to my subject and the way it intersects other fields of study. [STRIKE]Since high school I’ve been developing a strong interests in studying different subjects because[/STRIKE] I believe a multidisciplinary preparation is the key to better understanding problems and issues in [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] one's own field and that eclecticism is one of the ways [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] of bringing innovation [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] to the world.

All these are main principles of the Alta Scuola Politecnica [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] with which I perfectly Identify. [STRIKE]myself.[/STRIKE]

Furthermore, I consider this programme as a great opportunity for me to extend my knowledge, [STRIKE]in an horizontal way,[/STRIKE] working with [STRIKE]prepared[/STRIKE] fellow students and [STRIKE]getting in touch with strongly[/STRIKE] learning from highly renowned [STRIKE]professors[/STRIKE] academics from all over the world.

I've read about all the ASP's courses and I'd be honoured [STRIKE]in joining them[/STRIKE] to be there and work [STRIKE]ing[/STRIKE] in a stimulating environment, [STRIKE]facing[/STRIKE] studying such interesting interdisciplinary topics.

I've also read about most of the ASP’s past [STRIKE]cycle[/STRIKE] projects, and I'm really impressed by the complexity and efficacy of the work done in a very wide range of fields. [STRIKE]and[/STRIKE] I hope that soon I can [STRIKE]could bring[/STRIKE] add my own contribution [STRIKE]in an also[/STRIKE] to another interesting project at the ASP. If selected, [STRIKE]chosen for this place,[/STRIKE] I would adapt quickly to the needs of the group, contributing in the best way possible. I am willing to work closely with other team members to ensure that projects reach a successful outcome. [STRIKE]run well.
[/STRIKE]
Thank you for reading this letter and my application proposal, and I hope that you will consider me for this position. Should you require further information, please do not hesitate to contact me.


Yours faithfully, [STRIKE]sincerely,[/STRIKE]

XXX XXX

.