revision

[Narkises]

Hi,
Please improve my sentences to an authentic form.

1. More than making the required amendments in the text of the article to the greatest extent possible, there are some more explanations in the rest.

2. Based on the reviewers' requests, the English version of the questionnaire, the Persian translation of it, the reverse translation and a rated relationship episode as a sample , have been attached and sent.

3.
This scale doesn't include close-ended, nor open-ended questions. There are 23 categories from various levels of mastery on relationships and emotions. The assessor decides each sentence the patient said matches which category, and then, records the marks. The main version of the tool, a sample rated episode, and the Persian translation of the tool have been attached and sent.

 

[teechar]

Hi,
Please help me improve my sentences. [STRIKE]to an authentic form.[/STRIKE]

1. More than making the required amendments in the text of the article to the greatest extent possible, there are some more explanations in the rest.

2. Based on the reviewers' requests, the English version of the questionnaire, the Persian translation of it, the reverse translation and a rated relationship episode as a sample , have been attached and sent.

3.
This scale doesn't include close-ended, nor open-ended questions. There are 23 categories from various levels of mastery on relationships and emotions. The assessor decides each sentence the patient said matches which category, and then, records the marks. The main version of the tool, a sample rated episode, and the Persian translation of the tool have been attached and sent.

I don't understand the highlighted text.

 

[Narkises]

1. By "in the rest" I meant "the rest of the article"
2. I don't know the appropriate collocation. Maybe "back translation" is better than "reverse translation". See, the first version of the Questionnaire was in English. We translated it to Persian. After Iranian participants did the questionnaire, we translated the Persian version of questionnaire to English. In fact, English---->Persian----->English. What would you call the second translation we did?

 

[Narkises]

3.
This scale: The Mastery scale; Mastery implies that a person does not feel overwhelmed by his/her psychiatric
symptoms and problems and can control them. All successful psychotherapies should be able to change the patient
image of him/herself from a person overwhelmed by problems and symptoms to one who can
master them.

Levels of mastery: There are 5 levels. Level one means you have a little control on yourself, and level five means you can control your emotions and... easily.

"Assessor" or maybe "rater". Base on the mastery scale, the assessor checks the sentences extracted from the patients' speech and matches each sentence with the suitable category in the scale. For example, The P said:"I wanted to kill myself that night." Well, based on the mastery scale, the assessor can easily understand that this P couldn't control his emotions. So, the assessor matches his sentence to the level one(category 1), which means he couldn't master himself.

sent: why "sent" is not understandable? The submitter asked us to send him some files. ok; We attached and sent them to him.

 

[teechar]

1. [STRIKE]More than making the[/STRIKE] We have made the required amendments [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] to the text to the best of our ability, [STRIKE]of the article to the greatest extent possible,[/STRIKE] and there are some more explanations in the rest of the article.

2. Based on the reviewers' requests, the English version of the questionnaire, the Persian translation of it, the [STRIKE]reverse[/STRIKE] translation back to English and a rated relationship episode as a sample have been [STRIKE]attached and[/STRIKE] sent to you.

3.This scale doesn't include closed-ended, nor open-ended questions. There are 23 categories from various levels of mastery [STRIKE]on[/STRIKE] of relationships and emotions. The assessor decides the appropriate category for each [STRIKE]sentence[/STRIKE] response the patient gives, [STRIKE]said matches which category,[/STRIKE] and then records the marks. The main version of the tool, a related sample [STRIKE]rated[/STRIKE] episode, and the Persian translation of the tool have been [STRIKE]attached and[/STRIKE] sent to you.

We attached and sent them to him.

If you mean they were already sent, then use what I suggested above; otherwise, use "are attached with this email."

 

[Narkises]

Thank you so much, Teechar. I only should ask you about one of the corrections.

I prefer not using "To the best of our ability" because it indirectly shows our inability. It will negatively affect the reviewer. On the other side, "to the greatest extent possible" implies that what we did is the best and the reviewer won't expect us to revise it.

What is your idea? Is it OK if I don't correct that one?

 

[Narkises]

Here is the last part:

1.
The only criterion for selecting the relationship episodes it that it is complete, based on the mastery scale manual.

2.
The studied sample was not individuals. This scale was developed in order to rate people's narratives about relationship interactions, such as narratives which are described in the therapeutic session. Thus, the sample is not some people that we can explain inclusion and exclusion criteria. However, the sample is 36 narratives including relationship episodes between the patient and people around him/her. These narratives were extracted from 18 psychotherapy sessions of 6 depressed patients who were ready to cooperate in the plan - they gave us their consent for recording sessions and for the accessibility to the contents of their therapeutic sessions. What was checked in this study is similar scoring of relationship episodes by different assessors and in different tîmes. Thus, the source and the way of collecting the narratives didn't matter.
The only reason why we used the content of depressed patients' sessions is that to check the efficacy in the clinical sample so that it will be possible to use in future studies.

 

[teechar]

I prefer not using "To the best of our ability", [STRIKE]because it indirectly shows our inability. It will negatively affect the reviewer. On the other side,[/STRIKE] but how about "to the greatest extent possible?"

No, that doesn't work; just say, "We have made the required amendments to the text."

Here is the last part:

Please make separate posts for such added questions in future, and title them appropriately.

1. The only criterion for selecting the relationship episodes [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE] is that it is complete [I have no idea what that means], based on the mastery-scale manual.

2.
The studied sample was not individuals. This scale was developed in order to rate people's narratives about relationship interactions, such as narratives which are described in the therapeutic session. Thus, the sample is not some people that we can explain inclusion and exclusion criteria. However, the sample is 36 narratives including relationship episodes between the patient and people around him/her. These narratives were extracted from 18 psychotherapy sessions of 6 depressed patients who were ready to cooperate in the plan - they gave us their consent for recording sessions and for the accessibility to the contents of their therapeutic sessions. What was checked in this study is similar scoring of relationship episodes by different assessors and in different tîmes. Thus, the source and the way of collecting the narratives didn't matter.
The only reason why we used the content of depressed patients' sessions is that to check the efficacy in the clinical sample so that it will be possible to use in future studies.

I can't figure out most of what that says; re-write it in clear and simple language.

 

[Narkises]

1. Complete: Maybe I should have written "perfect".
2. Really? Maybe that's because you don't know the content. Anyway, haven't you find any grammar or syntax mistakes?

 

[emsr2d2]

It's hard to identify grammar or syntax mistakes in texts which aren't understandable.

 

[Narkises]

It's hard to identify grammar or syntax mistakes in texts which aren't understandable.

Please help me with this problem. I cannot change the text. As I translated from Persian to English, I couldn't change it so much.

 

[emsr2d2]

Well, you need to change it so that it's comprehensible! You might need another Persian/English speaker to help you. Without understanding the original, it's hard for us to say what is or is not a good translation.

 

[Narkises]

It's better to close this thread. I've already sent the email.

Thanks a million for your help.

I'll show up with a new writing soon!

 

[teechar]

1. Complete: Maybe I should have written "perfect".

That doesn't help! Please provide a detailed explanation.

 

[Narkises]

Well, you need to change it so that it's comprehensible! You might need another Persian/English speaker to help you. Without understanding the original, it's hard for us to say what is or is not a good translation.

That's a long story. The reviewer of our article didn't understand the sample. So, he mentioned some issues and revisions. He didn't understand our statistical calculations. What I translated is our response to him.

Anyway, don't worry. He is not good at English. My translation will be beyond his expectation. Do you remember "reverse translation"? He created that!!!

 

[Narkises]

That doesn't help! Please provide a detailed explanation.

What we have chosen- as the sample- are some relationship episodes. Because they are perfect. The mastery-scale manual shows that.

 

[teechar]

I wouldn't use "complete" in that context, and "perfect" sounds subjective and unsuitable too. I can think of "stable", but I don't know if that's what you mean.
It would help a lot if you could provide a sentence (from your text) for us to look at.