Results 1 to 4 of 4
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Turkish
      • Home Country:
      • Turkey
      • Current Location:
      • Turkey

    • Join Date: Sep 2016
    • Posts: 12
    #1

    my writing try

    Would you please check my topic?

    "I run out of energy at towards the end of the day. Or just like everyone else, I encounter some problems in my daily life. Problems at work, on the street, with colleagues; we have thousands source of stress in modern life. And I give up, I lose my control and do exactly opposite. It holds it back. I start to eat garbage food, spend time on the internet, check the news etc. And finally I feel guilty. These are dragging my life down.

    For this reason, I realized that I need a break; in order to refresh my body, I need some fun, some joy. But I don’t know, how I can manage my resting time? Sometimes I really fed up with “plans” I don’t want to plan my leisure activities. We should provide some goalless activities to ourselves.

    I observed that leader people in the society never work too much, contrary some of them are really lazy. They accumulate their energy and they use when they need it. So, they are always fresh to fight. So, they are more emotional, more spontaneous, more relax internal state. But a neurotic is always in panic and he/she is always out of energy, exhausted and depressed."

  1. teechar's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Iraq
      • Current Location:
      • Iraq

    • Join Date: Feb 2015
    • Posts: 6,183
    #2

    Re: my writing try

    Quote Originally Posted by Nordre View Post
    Would you please check my writing? topic?

    I run out of energy at towards [use either but not both] the end of the day, and Or just like everyone else, I encounter some problems in my daily life - problems at work, on the street, or with colleagues; we have thousands many potential sources of stress in modern life. And sometimes I give up; I lose my self-control and do exactly the opposite of what I should. It holds it back [I have no idea what that means]. I start to eat garbage junk food, spend time on the Internet, check the news, etc. And finally I feel guilty. These issues are dragging my life down.

    For this reason, I realized that I need a break. In order to refresh my body, I need some fun and some joy. But I don’t know how I can manage make better use of my resting leisure time. Sometimes I feel/get really fed up with “plans” and think that I don’t want to plan out all my leisure activities. We should provide some goalless also have unplanned random activities to enjoy ourselves.

    I observed that leaders people in the society never work too much, and in fact, contrary some (of them) are really lazy. They accumulate save up their energy and they use it only when they needed. it. So, they are always alert and ready for anything. fresh to fight. So, They are more emotional [I don't know what you mean by that; perhaps you mean "motivated."], more spontaneous, and usually more relaxed. internal state. But a neurotic is always in panic and he/she is always out of energy, exhausted and depressed. [That last sentence doesn't fit with the rest of your text. "Neurotic" is a very strong word to use in this context.]
    .

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Turkish
      • Home Country:
      • Turkey
      • Current Location:
      • Turkey

    • Join Date: Sep 2016
    • Posts: 12
    #3

    Re: my writing try

    Thank you teechar.

    It holds it back [I have no idea what that means].
    I meant "loop back"
    They are more emotional [I don't know what you mean by that; perhaps you mean "motivated."]

    I meant "emotional" They can feel their emotions, and they can control their emotions, they can show their emotions etc.

  2. teechar's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Iraq
      • Current Location:
      • Iraq

    • Join Date: Feb 2015
    • Posts: 6,183
    #4

    Re: my writing try

    Quote Originally Posted by Nordre View Post
    I meant "loop back"

    Say,
    It feels like a vicious circle.

    http://dictionary.cambridge.org/dict...vicious-circle


    Quote Originally Posted by Nordre View Post
    I meant "emotional" They can feel their emotions, and they can control their emotions, they can show their emotions etc.
    Say,
    They're in control of their emotions.

Similar Threads

  1. [Essay] Ielts writing Task 2 ,kindly please precise my writing.
    By Neha George in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 29-Jan-2014, 22:55
  2. [Essay] IELTS Academic Writing Example 1 Writing Task 2, please review
    By Martijn in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 11-Aug-2013, 17:43
  3. Replies: 2
    Last Post: 23-Apr-2013, 16:03
  4. Please check my writing---ACADEMIC WRITING IELTS TASK 1
    By MagicGirl86 in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 28-Aug-2009, 05:49

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •