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  1. Newbie
    Interested in Language
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      • Croatian
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      • Croatia
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      • Croatia

    • Join Date: Sep 2016
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    #1

    4 short sentences, is everything correct?

    Hello, please tell me if this extremely short story is correct gramatically, thank you very much. And if not, what can I correct, thank you so much.

    Story:
    -The man was strong and noble, from time to time the devil lurked from the dark and he slipped these vile thoughts into the man's head, but the man was so strong and he never fell for his tricks. Each and every day the man was always able to send the devil back home empty handed, with his tricks and depraved thoughts, these sick ideas. The man never fell for it and eventually the devil stopped trying and coming, he disappeared forever. Days passed by quickly and the man waited carefully for the devil as he thought this is another one of his tricks, but the devil never came back. It was on the sunniest and brightest of days that these depraved thoughts came back, the man shook in horror, he was confused, how could it be, the devil is not coming anymore, he is long gone. And at that moment the man knew, there was never any devil at all, he never existed, all along it was the man. And so it was.

  2. teechar's Avatar
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      • English
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      • Iraq
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      • Iraq

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    #2

    Re: 4 short sentences, is everything correct?

    Quote Originally Posted by smar View Post
    Hello, please tell me if this extremely short story is correct grammatically. Thank you very much. And if not, what can I correct? Thank you so much.
    Hello smar, and welcome.
    Is this homework?
    You have a few comma splices in your text. I've corrected the first two and highlighted them in blue.

  3. Newbie
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Croatian
      • Home Country:
      • Croatia
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    #3

    Re: 4 short sentences, is everything correct?

    Quote Originally Posted by teechar View Post
    Hello smar, and welcome.
    Is this homework?
    You have a few comma splices in your text. I've corrected the first two and highlighted them in blue.


    Hello sir, no it's not homework, just a little short story that I wrote but since english is not my first language I am not sure with the "the's" and few more things, actually I am sure that I have some mistakes in it. If you would be so kind to help it would mean a world to me.

    Thank you so much.

  4. teechar's Avatar
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      • English
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      • Iraq
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    #4

    Re: 4 short sentences, is everything correct?

    Quote Originally Posted by smar View Post
    Story:
    -The man was strong and noble, but from time to time, the devil lurked from the dark, and he slipped these vile thoughts into the man's head, but the man was so strong and he never fell for his tricks. Each and every day, the man was always able to send the devil back home empty handed with his tricks and depraved thoughts - these sick ideas. The man never fell for it, and eventually, the devil stopped gave up trying and stopped coming. He disappeared forever. The days passed by quickly, and the man waited carefully for the devil, as he thought this is was another one of his tricks, but the devil never came back. It was on the sunniest and brightest of days that these depraved thoughts came back. The man shook in horror! He was confused. How could it be? The devil is has not been not coming for a long time. anymore, he is The man thought he was long gone. And at that moment, the man knew, realized that there was never any devil at all; he never existed. all along it was the man. And so it was.
    Again, pay attention to your comma splices. You can fix them by using an appropriate conjunction or by separating the clauses into two sentences using an appropriate punctuation mark (full stop, question mark, or exclamation mark).

  5. teechar's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Iraq
      • Current Location:
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    #5

    Re: 4 short sentences, is everything correct?

    Quote Originally Posted by smar View Post

    Hello, sir,
    There are both females and males on this forum. There's no need for "sir" or "madam." Just ask your question.

    Quote Originally Posted by smar View Post
    no it's not homework. It's just a little short story that I wrote, but since English is not my first language, I am not sure with about the "the's" use of articles and a few more things. Actually, I am sure that I have some mistakes in it. If you would be so kind to help, it would mean the world to me.

    Thank you so much.
    You're welcome.

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