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    #1

    How do I phrase this sentence? Its missing tone, empathy and niceness

    Hello everyone

    I'm kind of have a writer's block and I'm unable to phrase a sentence in a business email.

    Background - We have a problem with an equipment manufacturer which has been unresolved for many months by managers of the firm. I had met the CEO of the firm and he was very nice, kind, empathetic and very sorry for what we endured and assured us to correct the wrong. A month later, a manager contacts us with a unacceptable solution again but this time mentioning that the CEO has proposed this solution. We are 99.9% sure that this is not the case and the CEO's name is just being used because a few people will lose their bonuses because of this debacle.

    How do I put this on email? So far in my draft I've said "Your terms of settlement are not inline with my discussions with the CEO". While this sentence is true I feel its terse and lacks the emotion and empathy. The terms were almost like a U turn which was not reflective of my meeting with the CEO. How do I phrase this?

    Thank you in advance for any help you are able to provide! Much appreciated.

  1. Piscean's Avatar
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    • Join Date: Jul 2015
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    #2

    Re: How do I phrase this sentence? Its missing tone, empathy and niceness

    Quote Originally Posted by wannabelean View Post
    . While this sentence is true I feel its terse and lacks the emotion and empathy..
    The other company caused you a lot of problems. Their CEO promised you an acceptable solution and now the manager tells you the CEO has reneged on this promise. Why on earth should you want to show empathy? Write directly to the CEO saying that there has clearly been a misunderstanding in his company that you expect him to resolve.

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