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  1. Key Member
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    #1

    Tom's son.

    "Tom's wife gave birth to a boy. Who started growing slowly and was six when his grandma died."

    Please check.

  2. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Tom's son.

    Why have you separated it into two sentences? Your second sentence starts with the word "who" yet it's not a question. Think about it again.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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    #3

    Re: Tom's son.

    Quote Originally Posted by tufguy View Post
    "Tom's wife gave birth to a boy. Who started growing slowly and was six when his grandma died."
    "Tom's wife gave birth to a boy who started growing slowly. He was six when his grandma died".

    Your sentences are rather disjointed. Three parts - the birth, growing slowly, and being six when grandma dies - don't "connect" the way you have written your sentences.

    The thought behind my rewrite is that the slow growth can reasonably follow the announcement of the birth. However, there is no purpose evident for this information. Being six when his grandmother dies is not connected except that we are talking about the same boy (presumably).

    To improve your writing, you need to develop ideas in a way that they connect together. Remember that while you may know what you mean, your readers will not unless you tell them. And you must tell them in a logical, methodical way. Don't throw in facts for no apparent reason. You mention the child grew slowly. Why? It is not "wrong" necessarily, but why are you telling us this? Is there some connection to the grandmother's later death? If so, you need to tell the reader what that connection is.

    Read works of fiction in English. You will learn how ideas flow and are described.
    Last edited by ChinaDan; 01-Oct-2016 at 11:39.

  3. Key Member
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    #4

    Re: Tom's son.

    No there is no connection between grandma's death and the growing of child.
    Last edited by Rover_KE; 01-Oct-2016 at 18:19. Reason: Deleting quote.

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