Student or Learner
After writing for hours in English I feel my writing tends to get more sloppy and ridiculous for some reason. Beware, then, this one paragraph is a real gem! I'm not sure the phrases I've picked/coined are valid or possible at all here. It's basically a passage where a woman is writing a letter and recalling an episode she had with a man she was dancing with some other night. See:
Hannah was almost halfway in writing her fourth letter, this one to ever-patient Joanna, when memories about that one night came flooding back. What was so special about it? Nothing much, except for how she had taken a shot at ballroom dancing, like her best friend had suggested a long time ago. She had met Leo, too, the Italian guy that seemed to be pissed at anyone and everyone and of course she got paired up with. A few revolutions calmer after leading for two songs, he'd started a sickeningly cliché chivalry display for which he would occasionally go on his knees and pretend to give her a smoochy-loud kiss on her palm, or letting the grip on one of her hands go and watch her non-too-gracious body as it *swung in a perfect arch back and she shoot up her arm in what he decoded to be/as a sign to pick her up, bridal style.
I should take a break I think. Just in case * isn't clear I mean that move in dancing where one partner rotates 90º degrees when partly let go, as if they were puffing their chests out. Afterwards, they usually move back to hold their partner again with both hands and keep dancing.
As usual, thank you for taking the time to help me!
I can work my way around most of it, I hope! Do you know of some specific way to refer to that * movement, though? I've found 'swing' only but I'm afraid it may get confused with that dance and I'm actually having these two characters dance to slow drag blues tunes
I'm not at all familiar with dance moves. I suggest you read up on the subject, and I'm sure you'll acquire the necessary vocabulary along the way.
Shouldn't those be adjectives rather than nouns, before "display"?...he'd started a sickeningly cliché chivalry display...
Clichéd, chilvalrous display? Display of clichéd chivalry?
I am not a teacher.
You're right, yes! Perhaps "(...)he'd started a sickeningly cliché display of chivalry (...)" could work.
You need "clichéd" in the above.