[Essay] rate my essay

[klara33]

Hi, can you take a look at my essay, please? Any feedback would be appreciated. This piece isn't my homework assignment. Just practicing essay writing. It turned out my papers aren't as good as I though they were. And my teacher isn't giving me any feedback so I have no idea what is wrong.

“What are the main reasons for food industry to use chemicals in food and its packaging?”​

The primary reason the food industry uses chemicals in food and packaging is for the preservation of food. While fresh, homegrown foods are undoubtedly a healthier option, the industrialized civilization in which we now live has taken people away from the farms and into offices and work settings. There may be people who still grow their own food in a home garden, who may even pride themselves on the success of this venture. However, this lifestyle has waned in the past fifty years or more, and the vast majority of Americans rely on supermarkets to supply their families with their food requirements. If the food industry sent spoiled goods out to their markets, a general outbreak of food poisoning would put them out of business. ​

Human populations have grown in the world to such a large extent that the preservation of food has become a question of survival. The process of bringing food from farm to grocery store to the family dinner table is an extraordinarily complex one in twenty-first century terms. In our current educational system, teaching this complex process in school is not a top priority by any means. Children and young adults no longer have the close relationship to their food sources that previous generations of Americans had. Yet they still need to eat, and the food industry is responsible to ensure that foods are safely delivered to them on a daily basis so that the business of living can continue. To this end, preservatives and possibly detrimental chemicals have been added to many foods. Although the long-term effects of these chemicals continue to be controversial from a health standpoint, the question of how to provide people with the food that is not completely spoiled and inedible has yet to be answered in a satisfactory way.
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References
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1. 
   [*=left]Food Safety News. (2014) "Study: 175 Hazardous Chemicals Used in Food Contact Packaging." Retrieved from http://www.foodsafetynews.com/2014/...-used-to-produce-food-packaging/#.V_ULCsnBaaFhttp://www.foodsafetynews.com/2014/...-used-to-produce-food-packaging/#.V_ULCsnBaaF
   [*=left]"GMO" (n.a., n.d.) JetWriters. Retrieved from http://jetwriters.com/gmo-essay/http://jetwriters.com/gmo-essay/
   [*=left]Michaels, J. (2013) "Processed Food: 10 Of The Worst Toxic Food Ingredients." Huffingtonpost. Retrieved from http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2013/04/17/worst-toxic-food-ingredients_n_3101043.htmlhttp://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2013/04/17/worst-toxic-food-ingredients_n_3101043.html
   [*=left]"Your food packaging contains 154 hazardous chemicals-- and it's completely legal." (n.a. )(2014) Foxnews. Retrieved from http://www.foxnews.com/health/2014/...ardous-chemicals-and-it-completely-legal.htmlhttp://www.foxnews.com/health/2014/...ardous-chemicals-and-it-completely-legal.html
   

 

[teechar]

Hi, can you take a look at my essay, please? Any feedback would be appreciated. This piece isn't my homework assignment. I'm just practicing essay writing. It turned out my papers aren't as good as I thought they were. And my teacher isn't giving me any feedback, so I have no idea what is wrong.

“What are the main reasons for the food industry to use chemicals in food and its packaging?”
​

The primary reason the food industry uses chemicals in food and packaging is for the preservation of food. While fresh, [STRIKE]home[/STRIKE] locally grown foods are undoubtedly a healthier option, they are not always easily available in the industrialized [STRIKE]civilization[/STRIKE] cities in which [STRIKE]we[/STRIKE] most of us now live. [STRIKE]has taken people away from the farms and into offices and work settings. There may be people who still grow their own food in a home garden, who may even pride themselves on the success of this venture. However, this lifestyle has waned in the past fifty years or more, and[/STRIKE] In fact, the vast majority of Americans rely on supermarkets to [STRIKE]supply their families with[/STRIKE] for their food requirements. Thus, it is necessary for the food industry to use preservatives to keep the food from spoiling during its journey from the farm to the kitchen. [STRIKE]sent spoiled goods out to their markets, a general outbreak of food poisoning would put them out of business.[/STRIKE]
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Moreover, [STRIKE]Human[/STRIKE] the world population [STRIKE]have[/STRIKE] has grown [STRIKE]in the world [/STRIKE]to such a large extent that the preservation of food has become a question of survival. The process of bringing food from the farm, to the grocery store to the family dinner table is an extraordinarily complex one. [STRIKE]in twenty-first century terms.[/STRIKE] In our current educational system, teaching this complex process in school is not a top priority by any means. Children and young adults no longer have the close relationship to their food sources that previous generations of Americans had.[That's off topic.] Yet they still need to eat, and the food industry is responsible to ensure that foods are safely delivered to them on a daily basis so that the business of living can continue. [That's not true; the food industry (like any industry) is there to make money!] To this end, preservatives and possibly detrimental chemicals have been added to many foods. [That's not well written, and at best is just repetitive.] Although the long-term effects of these chemicals continue to be controversial from a health standpoint, the question of how to provide people with the food that is not completely spoiled and inedible has yet to be answered in a satisfactory way. [That doesn't fit well (doesn't sum up) what you discussed above.]
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