[Grammar] Checking grammar.

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Korargol

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What's up my Native English speaking bros. I need your help once again. I had to write a formal email and ask about some stuff. I'm approaching the final exams next year so I would greately appreciate if you could point out any errors you can find in my email. If you could give me some advice or suggest how some sentence could be rewritten to look or sound better it would be even better. Thank you so much!

Dear Barbara Shields

My name is Kristin, I'm the Paolo Massini assistant.
I'm writing to you on behalf of Paolo Massini to enquire about some details associated with the Natural Solutions traid fair that we're going to take part in.
We plan to participate in the whole trade fair and we'd like to know if we can count on some sort of discount owing to that.
Are there going to be any social events on the spot? That could greately increase the amount of people around our stand thus it's very important to us.
We'd also like to know more about what facilities can we expect on the spot. Internet access would be very helpful for communication and organising the whole stand.
Is there any restaurant nearby? That would be very convinient for the customer reception.
And last but not least, we couldn't find any info on your website on accommodation, it's necessary for us to know the details about it while we're planning our departure. I would greately appreciate a quick reply.


Yours sincerely
Kristina
 
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teechar

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Feb 18, 2015
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English Teacher
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English
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What's up my Native English speaking bros.
That's ungrammatical and inappropriate here.

I need your help once again. I had to write a formal email and ask about some stuff. I'm [STRIKE]approaching the[/STRIKE] doing my final exams next year, so I would greatly appreciate it if you could point out any errors you can find in my email. If you could give me some advice or suggest how some of my sentences could be rewritten to look or sound better, it would be even better. Thank you so much!

Dear [STRIKE]Barbara[/STRIKE] Ms Shields,

[STRIKE]My name is Kristin, I'm the Paolo Massini assistant.
[/STRIKE]
I'm writing to [STRIKE]you on behalf of Paolo Massini to[/STRIKE] enquire about some details associated with the Natural Solutions Trade Fair that we're going to take part in.

We plan to participate [STRIKE]in the whole[/STRIKE] for the entire duration of the trade fair, and we'd like to know if we [STRIKE]can count on some sort of[/STRIKE] are entitled to a discount owing to that.

Furthermore, are there going to be any social events there, and if so, what days will they be on? [STRIKE]on the spot?[/STRIKE] That could greatly increase the amount of people around our stand, so [STRIKE]thus[/STRIKE] it's very important to us.

We'd also like to know more about what facilities we can [STRIKE]we[/STRIKE] expect at the venue. [STRIKE]on the spot.[/STRIKE] Internet access would be very helpful for communication and organising [STRIKE]the whole[/STRIKE] our stand.

[STRIKE]Is[/STRIKE] I'd also like to know if there are any restaurants nearby, and what kind of food they might serve. [STRIKE]That would be very convinient for the customer reception.

[/STRIKE]And last but not least, we couldn't find any info on your website on accommodation, so can you please recommend some hotels convenient to the trade fair? [STRIKE]it's necessary for us to know the details about it while we're planning our departure. I would greately appreciate a quick reply.
[/STRIKE]
Thank you, and I look forward to your reply.

Yours sincerely,

Kristina Szydło
.
 
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