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    #1

    Question My professor insists that my english is not academic but how bad is it?

    My professor says that my English is not good for academic writing, She is quite an experienced researcher but she is not native English but a German. She insists that I must improve the language. while I see small problems arising from 'self' proofing my writing but I don't see my English to be that bad. Please guide where I can improve.


    The following is a small excerpt from my writing. can you please comment on it. The topic is related to trade via transport in the context of violent conflict in Afghanistan.


    Afghanistan is a geographically vast and diverse country. The challenging terrains make it certain that the population is spread out. Due to lack of navigable rivers only road transport for movement of people and products is possible. “A robust transport sector is one of the most important aspects through which Afghanistan can grow out of its economic and social challenges (President Ghani, 2015). The services sector of Afghanistan has grown phenomenally in last 10 years. In 2004 the share of services sector in national GDP was only 10% which has grown to 54.4% in 2014,(Noorzoy, 2014) primarily due to a booming growth in transport which was 22% of the national GDP in 2011. The services sector also provides estimated 15% of employment (President Ghani, 2015). The landlocked geography requires access to seaports through neighboring countries like Pakistan and Iran, thus the transport sector of Afghanistan extends into neighboring countries to facilitate the trans-boundary trade. This trans-boundary trade is an important source of economic growth for the country while also providing employment to Afghans. Since the start of the military intervention of the US and its allies in 2001, Afghanistan has not experienced sustained peace in last 15 years. Though these years were not peaceful but the country enjoyed booming economic growth and experienced a rapid growth in employment opportunities during this time. In June 2011 (MacAskill, E., Wintour, P, 2011) president of the United States announced that the US will start the withdrawal of its military apparatus and 140000 personals from Afghanistan. It began on 13 July 2011, and at the end of 2014, NATO had estimated 9800 troops (theGuardian.com, Troop drawdown in Afghanistan, 2015) and operatives for training, advisory and anti-terrorism operations stationed in Afghanistan. The presence of foreign military apparatus meant that the United States and the international community had a serious stake in Afghan affairs. Now that these numbers fell from 140000 personals in spring of 2011 to less than its 10% in 2014, the confidence of all stakeholders including Afghan people and international investors on the viability of the current Afghan regime suffered, though the international community has demonstrated its resolve that it will assist government of Afghanistan to ensure the challenges coming up in next few years but nevertheless this has created a condition of uncertainty for the country. These conditions create uncertainty which not only lead to political instability but also increases the risk for employment and economy in general in context of conflict. Though the exact relationship of conflict and employment is not a thoroughly investigated topic but according to Alesina et al. (1996) in a country, business and sustainable employment opportunities are directly proportional to a stable political climate. The risk of investment loss and economic hindrance due to economic instability impacts all types of employments and livelihoods. Transport is one of the most important economic sectors as it provides market access for the local products and paves the way toward better social services from the government. It is also important to consider that this sector has played a major role in economic development of Afghanistan during the last decade. The country must maintain an efficient transport sector to stem growth and create opportunities for investment and employment.

    Purpose and aim of the research

    The purpose of this study is to understand the risks related to individuals working within transport business in Afghan-Pakistan trans-border trade in the context of violent conflict, the study aims to create an understanding of the internal mechanisms through which the people involved in transport perceive risk, it will also aim to demonstrate that how the people related to the transport sector evolve strategies to manage risk in relation to conflict and instability in the region. Furthermore, the study will try to identify threshold criteria of risk assessment which are adopted by the people who are involved in the transport sector in order to understand how they assess social and political challenges. This will help understand that how they react to state policies, ethnic and religious tensions, political affiliation, nationalities and any other aspects that might have an importance during their decision-making process. The study will also explore how these assessments are expressed in businesses in practice.

    State of the art review


    This section provides an overview of the existing concepts, statistics and research related to the research focus of this study. Though this chapter will help develop some understanding of concepts related to the focus of study, it will not provide an exhaustive understanding of all topics under discussion due to quality and availability of literature.
    Background Afghanistan is a very old state but its nation is being rebuilt. It is a country which is still dealing with its difficult past. Geographically it is a diverse place with arid regions in the south to lush green valleys in north and northeast. The country is relatively sparsely populated with 48 persons per square kilometer (Afghanistan overview, World Bank, 2016b) there is a clear ethnic divide in Afghanistan which is quite visible in the political landscape of the country. Around estimated 42% of the population is Pashtun, followed by Tajiks who are 27%, Hazara and Uzbeks amount to 9% each and many other still smaller groups (Siddique, 2012).Though these ethnic faction has been living side by side since millennia, there has been a historic divide between different groups. This divide can be easily visualized by focusing on the conflicts between Taliban (a majority Pashtun movement) and northern alliance (a coalition of Tajik and other ethnicities), or in the beginning of the ‘war on terror’ campaign where northern alliance became part of the new international coalition against the Taliban (The Economist, Dec 5, 2001). This ethnic divide has always played important role in the politics of Afghanistan and the surrounding region.
    Economy of Afghanistan During last 15 years Afghanistan state went through profound ideological, demographical, economic and political changes. Events like the soviet war, Taliban era and American invasion are still fresh in the national memory. Some of recent changes like removal of the Taliban are still heavily contested by the insurgent forces in form of Jihadist groups. There are multitudes of variables like economy, defense, international cooperation and foreign aid that affects the Afghan national stability but never the less during intervention years of 2002-2013 Afghanistan has maintained the GDP average growth rate of 9% (Afghanistan Overview, World Bank, 2016c). According to the report ‘Afghanistan in Transition: Looking Beyond 2014’, from 2002 to 2009 afghan economy grew 75% in real terms. The hyperinflation was rein-in through currency reforms and has successfully controlled inflation which is a ground for a sound economy. But it is due to the fact that after the intervention the country was flooded by civil and military aid, World Bank’s report on ‘Afghanistan in Transition’ (2013b) notes that estimated 6 to 10% of Afghans have benefitted from foreign aid and aid financed Job opportunities. Sectors like Transport and other services which have boomed in last 10 years due to flow of aid money and presence of foreign personals will have to prepare for a slowdown and underemployment (Ghiasy et al. 2014) Afghanistan is a country of 31.63 million people, among them estimated 36% live under national poverty line (worldbank.org, 2016). Around 84% of the poor in the country live in rural areas with poverty rate of 38%, Most of the people work in subsistent farming or animal husbandry and services while only 12% of the land is under cultivation of which only 3% is irrigated. The country has a GDP of 23 billion dollars and an unemployment rate of 9.1%. According to Atlas MIT (Afghanistan Economic Complexity, 2016) in 2014 the exports amounted to 770 million dollars while the imports were 6.42 billion dollars.

  1. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: My professor insists that my english is not academic but how bad is it?

    Quote Originally Posted by Alishah View Post
    My professor says that my academic written English is not good. for academic writing, She is quite an experienced researcher but she is not a native English speaker; but a she is German. She insists that I must improve the language my English. while Although I can see small problems arising from 'self' when I proofing proofread my own writing, but I don't see think that my English to be is that bad. Please guide me about where I can improve.


    The following is a small excerpt from my writing. Can you please comment on it?
    You have posted a huge chunk (not a small excerpt) of writing. You will find that not many of us have the time to spend on such a long piece. I certainly don't. However, I have made corrections to your opening lines above, marked in red.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  2. teechar's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: My professor insists that my english is not academic but how bad is it?

    Afghanistan is a vast and geographically diverse country. The challenging terrains has ensured that the population is spread out. Due to the lack of navigable rivers, only road transport for the movement of people and products is possible. “A robust transport sector is one of the most important aspects through which Afghanistan can grow out of its economic and social challenges (President Ghani, 2015). Nevertheless, the services sector of Afghanistan has grown phenomenally in the last 10 years. In 2004, the services sector represented only 10% of the national GDP, but it grew to 54.4% in 2014 (Noorzoy, 2014), primarily due to a steady growth in transport which accounted for 22% of the national GDP in 2011. The services sector also provides an estimated 15% of employment in the country (President Ghani, 2015). As a landlocked country, Afghanistan requires access to seaports in neighboring countries like Pakistan and Iran, so the transport sector of Afghanistan extends into neighboring countries to facilitate the trans-boundary trade. This trade is important for the economic growth for the country while also providing employment to many Afghans. Since the start of the military intervention by the US and its allies in 2001, Afghanistan has not experienced sustained peace over the last 15 years. Nonetheless, the country enjoyed reasonable economic growth and experienced a rapid growth in employment opportunities during this time. In June 2011 (MacAskill, E., Wintour, P, 2011), the president of the United States announced that the US will start the withdrawal of its military apparatus and 140,000 personnel from Afghanistan. It began on 13 July 2011, and at the end of 2014, NATO had an estimated 9,800 troops (theGuardian.com, Troop drawdown in Afghanistan, 2015) and operatives for training, advisory and anti-terrorism operations stationed in Afghanistan. The presence of foreign military apparatus meant that the United States and the international community had a serious stake in Afghan affairs. However due to that reduction in international military presence, the confidence of all stakeholders including the Afghan people and international investors in the viability of the current Afghan regime suffered. And although the international community has demonstrated its resolve that it will assist the government of Afghanistan with the challenges it may face in next few years, the troop reduction has created a condition of uncertainty for the country. These conditions have not only led to political instability, but also increased the risk of increased unemployment and economic recession. Though the exact relationship of conflict and employment is not a thoroughly investigated topic, according to Alesina et al. (1996), in a country, business and sustainable employment opportunities are directly and proportionally linked to a stable political climate. The risk of investment loss and economic hindrance due to economic instability impacts employment and people's livelihoods. Transport is one of the most important economic sectors in Afghanistan as it provides market access for the local products and enables the government to provide better social services. It is also important to consider that this sector has played a major role in the economic development of Afghanistan during the last decade. The country must maintain an efficient transport sector to maintain growth and create opportunities for investment and employment.


    Purpose and aim of the research


    The purpose of this study is to understand the risks related to individuals working in transport in the Afghan-Pakistan trans-border trade in the context of the ongoing violent conflict. The study aims to examine the internal mechanisms through which the people involved in transport perceive risk. It also aims to investigate how the people working in the transport sector evolve strategies to manage risk in relation to conflict and instability in the region. Furthermore, the study will try to identify threshold criteria of risk assessment which are adopted by the people involved in the transport sector in order to understand how they assess social and political challenges. This will help explain their reaction to state policies, ethnic and religious tensions, political affiliation and any other aspects that might influence their decision-making process. The study will also explore how these decisions are expressed in businesses in practice.


    Literature review


    This section provides an overview of the existing concepts, statistics and research related to the research focus of this study. Though it may help establish some understanding of concepts related to the focus of study, it will not provide an exhaustive understanding of all topics under discussion due to the poor quality and lack of literature.


    Background: Afghanistan is a very old nation, but it's a nation being currently rebuilt. It is a country which is still dealing with its difficult past. Geographically, it is a diverse place with arid regions in the south and lush, green valleys in north and north east. The country is relatively sparsely populated with 48 persons per square kilometer (Afghanistan overview, World Bank, 2016b). There is a clear ethnic divide in Afghanistan, which is quite visible in the political landscape of the country. Around 42% of the population is Pashtun, followed by Tajiks at 27%, while the Hazara and Uzbeks amount to 9% each, and many other still smaller groups (Siddique, 2012). Though these ethnic communities have been living side by side for millennia, there has been a historic divide between the different groups. This divide can be easily visualized by focusing on the conflicts between the Taliban (a majority-Pashtun group) and the Northern Alliance (a coalition of Tajik and other ethnicities), or at the beginning of the ‘war on terror’ campaign where the Northern Alliance became part of the new international coalition against the Taliban (The Economist, Dec 5, 2001). This ethnic divide has always played an important role in the politics of Afghanistan and the surrounding region.


    The economy of Afghanistan during the last 15 years: The Afghan state went through profound ideological, demographic, economic and political changes in that period. Events like the Soviet war, Taliban seizing of power and the American invasion are still fresh in the national memory. Some of the more recent changes like the removal of the Taliban are still heavily contested by the insurgent forces in the form of Jihadist groups. Many factors, including the economy, defense, international cooperation and foreign aid affect the stability of Afghan. However during intervention years of 2002-2013, Afghanistan maintained a GDP average growth rate of 9% (Afghanistan Overview, World Bank, 2016c). According to the report ‘Afghanistan in Transition: Looking Beyond 2014’, from 2002 to 2009 the Afghan economy grew 75% in real terms. Hyperinflation was reined in through currency reforms and this successful control of inflation has laid the foundation for a sound economy. But because after the intervention the country was flooded by civil and military aid, about 6 to 10% of Afghans have benefited from foreign aid, and aid financed job opportunities as the World Bank report 'Afghanistan in Transition' (2013b) notes. Sectors like transport and other services which have boomed in last 10 years due to the flow of aid money and the presence of foreign personnel will have to prepare for a slowdown and underemployment (Ghiasy et al. 2014). Afghanistan is a country of 31.63 million people, with an estimated 36% living below the national poverty line (worldbank.org, 2016). Around 84% of the poor in the country live in rural areas where the poverty rate is 38%. Most of those people rely on subsistent farming or animal husbandry and services, while only 12% of the land is under cultivation, and of that only 3% is irrigated. The country has a GDP of US $23 billion and an unemployment rate of 9.1%. According to Atlas MIT (Afghanistan Economic Complexity, 2016), in 2014 exports amounted to US $770 million, while imports were US $6.42 billion.

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