Recommendation letter!PLEASE Check. Thank you)

[Rina2704]

During the period of study she has proved herself as a hard and diligent student. She loves his specialty and tries to learn more about her specialty laboring every summer. She enjoys a high prestige among classmates and easily gets along with people. She tries to develop studying foreign languages and playing in music schools to showcase her game on a piano. As for her personal qualities, it should be noted that she is characterize as positive, open, always willing to help their classmates, very disciplined and responsible, friendly and has a very gentle nature.

 

[bubbha]

Your letter is quite disjointed. Sentences seem thrown in randomly with little relationship to each other. You mention a group. What group? you mention she works in her field. What field? Don't assume the reader knows what's in your head.

You need to start out by introducing the student and mentioning what your relationship to her is in order to establish that you are qualified to comment on her performance. For example:

"It is my great pleasure to recommend the candidacy of Ms. Jane Smith for acceptance to your internship program. As her former music professor, I have known Ms. Smith for three years and am very familiar with her abilities and character."

Don't call her "the student" or "the applicant". They make the letter sound cold and distant, and perhaps like a form letter. The first time you mention her, use full name; use her surname afterwards (preceded my Ms. or Miss), or pronouns.

Only comment on things you have personally witnessed her doing. If you taught her classes, mention the names of the classes, the grades she received, and say something about her performance. Do not comment on classes you did not teach. A simple example:

"Ms. Smith attended my Music Theory class, in which she showed a strong grasp of the course material. She learned quickly, asked pointed questions, and exhibited an uncommon passion for the subject. Thanks to the intense interest she showed in class and her dedication to her studies, she succeeded in earning an A for the semester."

She's applying for an internship, it seems. Does the performance of her that you describe in your letter have any connection to the content of the internship?

Try to imagine you are the intended reader who knows nothing about your student. How would you introduce her and describe what you have seen her do, and how it would benefit them?

 

[Rina2704]

Everything what you said i wrote. It is just part of it and i want you to check the grammar or vocabulary. About personality things, i already have written

 

[bubbha]

You should have mentioned that in your first post. I also notice that the content of your paragraph has changed significantly from the first time you posted it.

Is she still a student at your school? Or has she left or graduated? This is important because it determines what tense it should be written in (simple present and present perfect if she's still a student; simple past if she has graduated).

I will assume she is still a student at the school because you are favoring the present tense in your sample.

Here's a good style tip: Always mention the student's name at least once per paragraph, preferably near the beginning.

During her studies, Ms. Smith has proven herself to be a hard-working and diligent student. She loves her specialty and tries to learn more about it by working on it every summer. She enjoys high prestige among her classmates and easily gets along with people. She strives to develop her foreign language skills, and works hard practicing her piano technique to showcase her mastery of the piano. As for her personal qualities, she is energetic and open-minded, always willing to help her classmates; she is also disciplined, responsible, friendly and has a gentle nature.