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  1. Senior Member
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    #1

    Cool sightseeing or panoramic view?

    Hi,

    Is the passage below correct?

    "Navigate in the blue water, among dolphins, colored maritime species. An awesome visual.
    Beverage and snacks will be served on board. Excellent service with bar area, exclusive bathrooms and and top deck for sightseeing."

  2. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: sightseeing or panoramic view?

    I'd call it a "viewing deck".

    The rest isn't entirely natural and you need to pluralise "beverage".
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  3. Senior Member
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    #3

    Re: sightseeing or panoramic view?

    Thanks.

    Is this better?

    Navigate in the blue water, among dolphins and colored maritime species. An awesome visual.
    Beverages and snacks will be served on board. Excellent service with bar area, exclusive bathrooms and and viewing deck

  4. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: sightseeing or panoramic view?

    I'm not keen on "Navigate in", "coloured" or "maritime species". The last sounds rather scientific. The crew do the navigating. The guests just sit on the boat. How about "Cruise through/across the blue sea/bay, amongst dolphins and colourful/brightly-coloured sea creatures"?

    What do you mean by "exclusive bathrooms"? Do you mean there are separate toilets for men and women? "Exclusive" sounds like they are particularly wonderful, perhaps 5-star!

    You need a full stop after "deck".
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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    #5

    Re: sightseeing or panoramic view?

    The verbless phrase 'An awesome visual' doesn't sit well among proper sentences.

  6. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: sightseeing or panoramic view?

    Somehow, I completely failed to comment on that part. I agree entirely. "An amazing sight" would work. You could link that to the first sentence with a dash or a colon, then a lower-case "a" on "an".
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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