Job interview proofreading

[xiaoen]

Thank you very much for the opportunity to speak to you. I'm really excited to talk to you about the teaching position. My name is Jennifer Smith, and I’m currently looking for a job in Paris. I have five years' experience teaching English for adults, teenagers and young children. I've got a bachelor’s degree in English Literature. I like to raise money, and I have a sense of humor. I enjoy meeting new people. I am a dedicated person with a family of four. I enjoy reading, and the knowledge and perspective that my reading gives me has strengthened my teaching skills and presentation abilities.



Hi,
Would you please proofread the above paragraph for me? I want to use the above paragraph in an interview.

 

[emsr2d2]

Thank you very much for the exciting opportunity to speak to you [STRIKE]I'm really excited to talk to you[/STRIKE] about the teaching position.

My name is Jennifer Smith, and I’m currently looking for a job in Paris. I have five years' experience teaching English [STRIKE]for[/STRIKE] to adults, teenagers and young children. [STRIKE]I've got[/STRIKE] have a [STRIKE]bachelor’s degree[/STRIKE] BA in English Literature.

I like to raise money, and I have a good sense of humor. I enjoy meeting new people. I am [STRIKE]a[/STRIKE] very dedicated [STRIKE]person with a[/STRIKE] to my family. [STRIKE]of four.[/STRIKE] I enjoy reading, and the knowledge and perspective that my reading gives me [STRIKE]has[/STRIKE] have strengthened my teaching and presentation skills. [STRIKE]and presentation abilities.[/STRIKE]


Hi,
Would you please proofread the above paragraph for me? I want to use [STRIKE]the above paragraph[/STRIKE] it in an interview.

None of that works as something you would use in an interview. It sounds like a covering letter for a job application. However, I have made some corrections. It's a little disjointed and the short sentences in paragraph three are perhaps a little too simplistic.

 

[xiaoen]

What do you mean by that?

I mean I don't like to spend my money on absurd things and I want to collect my salary so that I may want to buy a big house in the future.

 

[emsr2d2]

In that case, you like to save money. "Raising money" is usually associated with collecting money for charity.

 

[xiaoen]

In that case, you like to save money. "Raising money" is usually associated with collecting money for charity.

Then how should I say my meaning? I want to say that when I get my salary I don't like to be too extravagant and I want to collect my money (salary) because maybe in the future I will tend to buy a house or a car.

If "to raise money" doesn't work in this context, then do you know an alternative to express my meaning?

 

[emsr2d2]

I really don't think this is something you should mention in a job interview. They're not interested in how you spend your salary (unless you're spending it on something illegal!). They're interested in how well you will be able to do the job.

 

[xiaoen]

OK, thank you. But what if I want to say it to my close friend or my co-worker?
How should I say it?

 

[emsr2d2]

I'm frugal.
I'm a miser.
I'm careful with money.
I try to save money every month.
I save as much as I can every month because I want to buy a house in the future.
I don't spend money on non-essential items.

There are dozens of ways to say it.

 

[xiaoen]

I try to save money every month.

I was looking for this. Thank you.