[General] Is this professional enough and correct to send to a University?

[Elenams]

Dear Sir or Madam,


I am writing this to request more information on your university and the steps I can take to meet your universities expectations.


First, I would like to inform you about my academics and where I am currently in my junior year at XXX Highschool in Knoxville, Tennessee. Freshman year I did not do terrible, B and C's mostly. I took honors English and honors World history then regular biology and regular algebra 1. My sophomore year I took honors English and AP government and then again regular geometry and regular chemistry. I, in my opinion am more strong in the English and history field. I was doing pretty good in my classes until November of my first semester. my best friend died early November which took a huge toll on me to where I missed a whole week and even days after that randomly. My grades dropped tremendously. For a good while into second semester, and even now, I dealt with a depression that took away my will to want to continue doing well and try in my classes. Overall my sophomore year was a bust. I am currently still in my first semester of my junior year with A's and B's and a C in math. I have dropped down to all regular classes just for the fact I needed a break for myself mentally. I do plan on going back up to honors and AP classes next year. As of right now I have about a 3.2 GPA and will be taking the ACT in December where I aim for 27 or higher.


Second, I want to inform you on my non-academic extra curricular. I am greatly involved with my church and have been ever since I was in 3rd grade. I do not currently play sports but I have played soccer, and have ridden horses competitively for all of my life except this year. I do plan on either getting back to riding horses or trying out for my schools soccer team next school year. I have been employed for a year and a half at XXXX where I am a greeter.


Third, I am extremely interested in being a lawyer and studying law at your university. I have wanted to be a lawyer ever since I was a child. My dream college was University of Georgia until recently when I came to visit a friend at your university and just loved the community and the whole layout of the campus.


Thank you in advance for your attention to my request. I look forward to receiving your response.


Yours sincerely,
XXX XXX

 

[konungursvia]

I would not send it. You have asked for "more information" but that is very vague, and it looks like you haven't done your homework (their website should have practically everything you could ask). Also, you mention your second year being "a bust." I assume you're not talking about sculpture. Don't talk yourself down, put your best foot forward. You could say "difficult," but not a bust. If I was a registrar, dean, provost, or department head, I would not be impressed by this letter.

Impress them by showing you have spent hours reading about them, and show your knowledge by stating what you hope to do when you get there. Two pages of it, in detail. That might work.