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    #1

    After the collapse of Communism

    These two sentences are from my short story. I am wondering if they sound natural. Does the word "nationalists" need "the" in my sentence? Would you please correct my mistakes?

    After the collapse of Communism, people in our country became sheep without bellwether. They drifted helplessly here and there until they bumped into nationalists, who promised them pie in the sky.

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    #2

    Re: After the collapse of Communism

    I readily admit I had to look up the definition of "bellwether". I hadn't heard it before. As it means "the leading sheep of a flock", you need the indefinite article before it.
    It seems odd that people would "bump into" nationalists.
    Although it does seem to be given as a noun, we don't tend to use "pie in the sky" that way. We usually use it as an adjective - "You have some real pie-in-the-sky ideas!"
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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    #3

    Re: After the collapse of Communism

    I have used "bumped into" symbolically. I imagined people who wandered aimlessly and suddenly met nationalists.
    If I would rephrase my sentence like this, would it make more sense?

    After the collapse of Communism, people in our country became sheep without a bellwether. They drifted helplessly here and there until nationalists approach them and promised them heaven.

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    #4

    Re: After the collapse of Communism

    approached

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    #5

    Re: After the collapse of Communism

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    I have used "bumped into" symbolically. I imagined people who wandered aimlessly and suddenly met nationalists.
    If I would rephrased my sentence like this, would it make more sense?

    After the collapse of Communism, people in our country became sheep without a bellwether. They drifted helplessly here and there until nationalists approached them and promised them heaven.
    I've made a couple of amendments above. I'm still not quite sure if you're using "drifted helplessly here and there" metaphorically. I have a vision of them wandering around the country, homeless, without a clue what they're doing. Is that actually the case or did they carry on living a normal life, going to school/work, but without much idea of where their country was heading?
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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    #6

    Re: After the collapse of Communism

    I used "drifted helplessly here and there" metaphorically. They lived a normal life on the surface but mentally they were in a turmoil, not knowing whom to support. I believe I write sometimes sentences which sounds odd in English because I "translate" in my mind a metaphor, which sounds correct in my language into English, which demands different construction. I do not know if my next sentence helps to explain the situation but it sounds like this.

    Masses took the bait at once, and the nationalists rubbed their hands together in satisfaction.

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