Is my translation correct? Please give me comment or suggestion. Thank you

[Lydia Anita]

Please give comments on this translation in terms of the language style, language used, and dictions used. And also please give feedback on the content of the story. Thank you.

Wrong Hand
One day, Lady Cempluk and Jon Koplo were shopping in a well-known shopping center in Solo. In the clothing store, Cempluk chose an appropriate stuff as a present. Jon Koplo and Lady Cempluk headed to the cashier, after she chose the right stuff. People were queue as no end, like queue to get into the cinema. Cempluk queue up first, while Koplo followed behind. However, since the cashier looked like a new employee, based on his black and white uniform that the intern usually wear, the long queue felt so long. Then Cempluk looked around for another cashier who deserted from the queue. Suddenly her eyes fixed to one of the cashiers who deserted of buyer. "Wow, there is a deserted cashier! Come on, let’s go there, Plo!" Said Cempluk while pulling Koplo s hand who stood behind her. But what happened? "Hey ... Miss, Miss! Where are you going? "Screamed someone that made Cempluk shocked. She turned and more shocked! Oh no! Apparently she pulled a hand of a fat man! After realizing it, apparently Koplo were not standing right behind Cempluk. Instead, there was a fat man standing before him.

 

[liashevahapsari]

Please help me to check and correct my translation

[FONT=&quot]Wrong Pull [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]One day, Lady Cempluk accompanied by Jon Koplo, went to go shopping in the famous Shopping Centre in Solo City. Inside one of the clothing store, Cempluk was choosing an item that she would buy as a gift. After considered on which item, they both headed to the store cash register. [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]The line in the cash register is unusually long. Cempluk was lining up first, while Koplo followed behind her. However, the long line felt even longer since the cashier seemed like a new employee, can be seen from black skirt and white shirt uniform that she wore just like an intern usually does. [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Then Cempluk looked around to find short line cash register. Suddenly her eyes fixed on a short line cash register. “Whoa, there is a short line! Let’s go there, Plo!” she said while pulling Koplo’s hand who were standing behind her. But what happened? “Ay... Miss, Miss! Where will you take me?” someone’s shout made Cempluk shocked. She turned around and became even more shocked! “Ouch!” she shouted. It turned out, the one that being pulled by her was the hand of a fat man! After found out the situation, Cempluk realized that actually Koplo was not standing right behind her, but the fat man.[/FONT]

 

[teechar]

Re: Please help me to check and correct my translation

Wrong Pull

One day, Lady Cempluk accompanied by Jon Koplo, went [STRIKE]to go[/STRIKE] shopping in [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] a famous shopping centre in Solo City. Inside one of the clothing stores, Cempluk was choosing an item that she would buy as a gift. After [STRIKE]considered on which item,[/STRIKE] finding what they were looking for, they both headed to the cashier. [STRIKE]store cash register. [/STRIKE]

The line [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] for the cashier [STRIKE]register is unusually[/STRIKE] was very long. Cempluk was lining up first, while Koplo followed behind her. However, the long line felt even longer since the cashier was a bit slow. She seemed like a new employee, [STRIKE]can be seen[/STRIKE] from the black skirt and white shirt uniform that she wore, just like an intern usually does.

Then Cempluk looked [STRIKE]around to find short line[/STRIKE] for a cashier who might have been less busy. [STRIKE]register. Suddenly her eyes fixed on a short line cash register.[/STRIKE] Luckily, she found one. “Whoa, there is a short line! Let’s go there, Plo!” she said while pulling Koplo’s hand who [STRIKE]were[/STRIKE] was standing behind her. But what happened? “Ay... Miss, Miss! Where [STRIKE]will[/STRIKE] are you taking me?” someone’s shout made Cempluk shocked. She turned around and became even more shocked! “Ouch!” she shouted. It turned out [STRIKE]the one that being pulled by her was[/STRIKE] she had grabbed the hand of a fat man! After she found that out, [STRIKE]the situation,[/STRIKE] Cempluk realized that [STRIKE]actually[/STRIKE] Koplo was not actually standing right behind her, but [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] a fat man was.

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[Tarheel]

Perhaps Cempluk chose an appropriate item, but "stuff" is not used that way.

 

[Tarheel]

Is this a class assignment?

 

[Tarheel]

Is "fat man" in the original?

 

[teechar]

To the OP: I have merged your two threads. I don't see why you've created another account just to post the same thing. In future, please be a little patient and wait for some replies.

 

[Tarheel]

Wrong Hand

I have decided this is a class assignment. Otherwise, why so many threads (3) about the same thing?

Students, did your teacher say it is okay to get help on the Internet?

I was misled. I didn't know this was a classroom assignment.

Do you know what that area is called where you pay for your purchases?

We are not supposed to do your homework for you. (Your teacher wants to see your work, not ours.)

If I am going to do your work for you I should get credit for it.