Page 1 of 2 1 2 Last
Results 1 to 10 of 12
  1. Newbie
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Moldavian
      • Home Country:
      • Moldova
      • Current Location:
      • Moldova

    • Join Date: Dec 2016
    • Posts: 1
    #1

    Motivation Essay

    Revise my motivation essay for the University please. Thank you!
    Dear Sir / Madam


    I am writing to apply XXX.
    I have experience like a coordinator in some international projects XXX. During some years, our team communicated with students around the world, elaborating valuable plans to conserve the national heritage. It is also captivating to speak with people from other countries. All these relationships taught me to understand other cultures better and to be more optimistic. Even though we are from different parts of the world, we have something in common and can learn from each other.

    There are no problems to integrate with students from other countries, because I can find a lot of topics on which to discuss. I am sure that some of them will become very good friends for me. Also, there is a great opportunity to discover more things about another country. Furthermore, it is possible to start a Business together and have clients from all over the world thanks to our different backgrounds.

    One argument that made me to choose your university is its placement and the percentage of international students there.Also, having relationships with people from different backgrounds can serve as a big strength. Another reason that influenced me is the possibility to learn better some languages like French and Deutsch that will certainly help me. The subjects in English will improve my knowledge too. The last but not the least argument is that the presence of topics based on the international area are not only useful, but also interesting for me.
    In the conclusion, I want to say that I am ready for all the difficulties and I will do my best understanding the importance of having good results.
    Last edited by Mixiblack; 09-Jan-2017 at 17:21.

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
    VIP Member
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 12,044
    #2

    Re: Motivation Essay

    Say:

    I am writing to apply to XXX.

    And:

    I have experience as a coordinator in some international projects.

    The sentences between those two are excellent.

  3. Tarheel's Avatar
    VIP Member
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 12,044
    #3

    Re: Motivation Essay

    You couldn't figure out how to make that two or three paragraphs?

  4. Tarheel's Avatar
    VIP Member
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 12,044
    #4

    Re: Motivation Essay

    Whose national heritage? (You need to be specific.)

  5. Tarheel's Avatar
    VIP Member
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 12,044
    #5

    Re: Motivation Essay

    Say:

    Such an opportunity is presented by my father, who doesn't know English but needs help in his job.

    You might want to say what kind of help it is you are talking about. After all, it's not just anything. It's something specific.

  6. Tarheel's Avatar
    VIP Member
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 12,044
    #6

    Re: Motivation Essay

    Don't say "a help" as "help" is not a count noun.

  7. Tarheel's Avatar
    VIP Member
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 12,044
    #7

    Re: Motivation Essay

    Perhaps:

    I have no trouble getting along with people from other countries and from different cultures.

  8. Tarheel's Avatar
    VIP Member
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 12,044
    #8

    Re: Motivation Essay

    I am not sure what "use the time together" means. Also, "there is a great opportunity to discover things about another country" lacks content.

    Perhaps you could mention that you will contribute to the diversity of the student body.

  9. Tarheel's Avatar
    VIP Member
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 12,044
    #9

    Re: Motivation Essay

    Perhaps:

    Meeting people from different countries will help me establish contacts, and that will help me when I want to start my own business.

  10. Tarheel's Avatar
    VIP Member
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 12,044
    #10

    Re: Motivation Essay

    Say:

    Two reasons I chose your university are its location and the percentage of international students there.

Page 1 of 2 1 2 Last

Similar Threads

  1. motivation essay for masters program
    By amstivan in forum CVs, Resumes and Applications
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 31-May-2015, 15:22
  2. [Application] Would you help me with my Copenhagen Business School Motivation essay?
    By mary_93 in forum CVs, Resumes and Applications
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 23-Jan-2015, 23:31
  3. Motivation letter to Universities and Extended Essay Advice
    By Banu95 in forum CVs, Resumes and Applications
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 23-Jan-2012, 14:09
  4. Replies: 2
    Last Post: 23-Jan-2012, 14:04
  5. [Application] Master in International Trade Supply Chain Management track - Motivation Essay
    By xoah in forum CVs, Resumes and Applications
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 25-Mar-2011, 03:46

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •