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  1. Newbie
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      • Native Language:
      • Indonesian
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      • Indonesia
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      • Indonesia

    • Join Date: Dec 2016
    • Posts: 1
    #1

    Needs review for Motivation letter to Master degree

    Hi ! I really need review for my motivation letter. thanks :)

    Dear Sir or Madam,

    In advance, I would like to express my gratitude for your compliance in reviewing this letter used to apply for Master Degree of Food Technology in xxxxx University. My name is xxxxx, a fresh graduate from xxxxx University, Indonesia majoring in Food Technology with GPA 3.19 in the scale of 4.00. During my undergraduate studies, I had great interest in food processing, therefore my undergraduate thesis focused on the making of instant porridge for infant from local food sources, purple sweet potatoes and peanut, with the analyzes toward physical, chemical and organoleptic characteristics. Increasing the utilization of local food hopefully improves the provision of food in each region in order to attain food security as long term goal.

    The importance of food as basic needs and rights of every human makes food security acts as main priority of government. In Indonesia, food security level is still low since there are people who cannot consume balanced nutritious food and mostly depend on rice as their staple food, causing high imports, which shows their inability in implementing diversification, whereas Indonesia have prosperous and diverse natural resources. Regard to this situation, hopefully I have high competency in terms of food diversification, therefore I believe that I need to continue my study in Master Degree of Food Technology in xxxxx, particularly in Food Innovation and Management specialization. Some courses, namely Technology, Innovation, and Strategy; Food Structuring; Food Ingredient Functionality; Sustainable Food and Bioprocessing; and Predicting Food Quality, certainly assist me in actualizing my vision in development and monitoring of food diversification in xxxx of Ministry of Agriculture Indonesia.

    In 2014, I was an apprentice in Chemical Research Center of Indonesian Institute of Sciences. I joined research concerning the effect of microfiltration against fermented drink of inulin of Dahlia plant using L. acidophilus as the binder of cholesterol. Here I improved my insight and technical ability by facing complex process and analysis which were taught briefly in college such as microfiltration process, cholesterol binding capacity analysis, soluble and insoluble dietary fiber analysis, therefore I felt more interested in learning food technology deeper.

    Subsequently, other activities besides studying were important since it made us being person who could easily adapt with rapidly changing work environment. Taking part in several organizations and voluntary activities in university improved my communication skill, leadership and time management. In xxxxx hopefully I can keep increase my softskill, socialize and expand the network with more complex society from around the world. In addition, I choose xxxxx since it is the best university for master program of food technology.

    In conclusion, regarding to my experiences and other qualifications, I feel deserved to be accepted and it will be really grateful and proud moment for being part in Master Program of xxxxx University. Thank you for your time and consideration. I am looking forward for your positive reply.

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
    VIP Member
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      • American English
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      • United States
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    • Join Date: Jun 2014
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    #2

    Re: Needs review for Motivation letter to Master degree

    Delete the first sentence. Say: "a GPA of 3,19".

    Say:

    During my undergraduate studies, I had a great interest in food processing, therefore my undergraduate thesis focused on the making of instant porridge for infants from local sources, purple sweet potatoes and peanuts....

  3. Tarheel's Avatar
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      • United States
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      • United States

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    #3

    Re: Needs review for Motivation letter to Master degree

    Two things.

    The word "utilization" doesn't mean anything that "use" doesn't mean.

    Say:

    as a long term goal

  4. Tarheel's Avatar
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      • United States
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      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 11,949
    #4

    Re: Needs review for Motivation letter to Master degree

    Next paragraph. Say:

    The importance of food as a basic need...

    I don't understand the rest of that sentence.

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