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Thread: Writing exam

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    #1

    Writing exam

    Hello everyone! I am preparing for my writing exam and it is hoped that someone can correct my writing. Below is a letter to the Environmental Protection Department for the improvement of air quality. Please kindly comment on the structure, choice of words, grammar and anything that is important for a piece of formal writing, your suggestions will definitely help me get the best score of my coming exam. Thank you!


    It is often heard that the air of our city is heavily polluted. Notwithstanding its bad consequences like inducing respiratory illnesses, decreasing visibility, affecting the wildlife, etc., the government puts off implementing measures and policies to improve the air quality. If the issue is not addressed immediately, our society must suffer in the future. This letter is to investigate how residents are affected by bad air quality and to suggest ways to press ahead with the problems.

    Actually, the major air pollutants in our city are come from transportation sector. Since our city is dense with tall buildings paced within a few inches apart from each other and vehicles elsewhere in the streets, this creates difficulty for the ventilation and escape of the air pollutants. What makes the problem worse is that many of our residential buildings are located by the roadside, citizens easily breathe in the air pollutants released by vehicles. It has been suggested that prolonged exposure to air pollutants like nitrogen oxides and carbon monoxide will lead to serious health problems.

    To improve the air quality, it is necessary to first figure out the sources of air pollutants. As mentioned, the majority come from transportation sector, yet some are from others sectors: fuel-burning for electricity provision, construction wastes and pollutants diffusing from nearby regions. To put down emissions from transportation, measures like installation of catalytic converters in vehicles for the removal of nitrogen oxides and increase of petroleum tax can be implemented. Also, it is important to cooperate with the business sector by launching a rebate system for the frequent use of public transport.

    Apart from implementing new measures, it is also essential to review existing policies and measures. We all know that the air-monitoring system has been under operation for a number of years, which means it might be outdated and fail to signify the air quality. The Observatory is highly encouraged to replace the current system with the one which can perform better in terms of accuracy. Our citizens can tolerate no wrong information regarding air pollution. This is also for the governmentís convenience to obtain accurate data for further action on the improvement of air quality.

    We are all facing a high time as the air quality keeps getting worse, it is hoped that the above suggestions shall be carried out with urgency. Otherwise, both us and the next generations will suffer.

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    #2

    Re: Writing exam

    Quote Originally Posted by yslamac View Post
    Hello everyone! I am preparing for my writing written exam and it is hoped that I hope someone can would correct my writing. Below is a letter(it looks more like an essay than a letter to me) to the Environmental Protection Department for on the improvement of air quality. Please kindly comment on the structure, choice of words, grammar and anything that is important for a piece of formal writing. Your suggestions will definitely help me get the best score of for my coming exam. Thank you!


    It is often heard We often hear (It is better to use the active voice unless you have reasons to use the passive) that the air of our city is heavily polluted. Notwithstanding its bad consequences like inducing causing respiratory illnesses, decreasing visibility, affecting the wildlife, etc., the government puts off is not giving enough priority to implementing measures and policies to improve the air quality. If the issue is not addressed immediately, our society must will suffer in the future. The aim of this letter(letter or essay?) is to investigate discusse/analyse/examine how residents are affected by bad air quality and to suggest ways to press ahead with solve the problems.

    Actually, the major air pollutants in our city are come from the transportation sector. Since our city is dense congested with tall buildings spaced within a few inches apart from each other (buillt very close to each other) and vehicles elsewhere congested in the streets, this creates difficulty for the is bad for ventilation and escape dissipation of the air pollutants. What makes the problem worse is that many of our residential buildings are located by the roadside built close to roads and highways, citizens residents easily breathe in the air pollutants released by vehicles. It has been suggested is a fact that prolonged exposure to air pollutants like nitrogen oxides and carbon monoxide will leads to serious health problems.

    To improve the air quality, it is necessary to first figure out identity/determine the sources of air pollutants. As mentioned, the majority most of them come from transportation sector, yet with some are from others sectors: fuel-burning for electricity provision generation, construction wastes and pollutants diffusing discharged from nearby regions, amongst others. To put down reduce gaseous emissions from transportation, measures like the installation of catalytic converters in vehicles for the removal of nitrogen oxides and the increase imposition of higher petroleum fuel tax can should be implemented. Also, it is important to cooperate with get the cooperation of the business sector by launching a rebate system for to encourage the frequent use of public transport.

    Apart from implementing new measures, it is also essential to review the existing policies and measures environmental legislations. We all know that the air-monitoring system has been under in operation for a number of years, which means it might be outdated and fail to signify monitor the air quality effectively. The Observatory(?) is highly encouraged to replace should look into upgrading the current system with the one which can perform better in terms of accuracy monitor the air quality more accurately and effectively. Our citizens can tolerate no wrong information regarding air pollution (The people should have access to correct and accurate information on air quality). This is also for the governmentís convenience The authorities should be in a position to obtain accurate data for further action on the improvement of air quality.

    We are all facing a high time This is a critical issue for us citizens as the air quality keeps getting worse. It is hoped that We hope the above suggestions shall would be taken seriously and carried out with urgency. Otherwise, both us we and the next future generations will would suffer.
    .
    Last edited by tedmc; 31-Dec-2016 at 06:57.
    I am not a teacher.

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    #3

    Re: Writing exam

    I really appreciate your corrections. However, I am confused with the use of "would" and "will", as I notice that some modals have been replaced with "would". Can you explain a bit more on it? Many thanks!

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    #4

    Re: Writing exam

    "Will" expresses "certainty" whereas "would" implies "possibility". Thus, I would not use "will" unless I am sure of something happening.
    I am not a teacher.

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    #5

    Re: Writing exam

    Quote Originally Posted by yslamac View Post
    Hello everyone! I am preparing for my writing exam, and it is I am hoping ed that someone can correct my writing. Below is a letter to the Environmental Protection Department for the improvement of air quality. Please kindly comment on the structure, choice of words, grammar and anything that is important for a piece of formal writing. Your suggestions will definitely hopefully help me get the best a better score of in my upcoming exam. Thank you!


    It is often heard generally accepted that the air of in our city is heavily polluted. Notwithstanding its bad Despite the obvious detrimental consequences to people's health like inducing the rise in respiratory illnesses, the decrease in ing visibility, and the impact on the natural environment and the city's affecting the wildlife, etc., the government has put off implementing measures and policies to improve the air quality. If the issue is not addressed immediately, our society community will must suffer even more in the future. I am writing this letter isto investigate how residents are affected by bad air quality and to suggest ways to press ahead of dealing with this problem.
    Quote Originally Posted by yslamac View Post
    Actually, the major air pollutants in our city are come from transportation sector. Since our city is dense with tall buildings paced within a few inches apart from each other and vehicles elsewhere in the streets, this creates difficulty for the ventilation and escape of the air pollutants. What makes the problem worse is that many of our residential buildings are located by the roadside, citizens easily breathe in the air pollutants released by vehicles. It has been suggested that prolonged exposure to air pollutants like nitrogen oxides and carbon monoxide will lead to serious health problems.
    I suggest you rewrite the above paragraph in a clear, simple, and direct manner.

    Quote Originally Posted by yslamac View Post
    To improve the air quality, it is necessary to first figure out the sources of air pollutants. As mentioned, the majority come from transportation sector, yet some are from others sectors: fuel-burning for electricity provision, construction wastes and pollutants diffusing from nearby regions. To put down emissions from transportation, measures like installation of catalytic converters in vehicles for the removal of nitrogen oxides and increase of petroleum tax can be implemented. Also, it is important to cooperate with the business sector by launching a rebate system for the frequent use of public transport.
    I don't see why you wrote another paragraph about cars. You could have incorporated that info in the previous one.

    Quote Originally Posted by yslamac View Post
    Apart from implementing new measures, it is also essential to review existing policies and measures. We all know that the air-monitoring system has been under in operation for a number of years, which means it might be outdated and fail to provide an accurate assessment of signify the air quality. The Observatory is highly encouraged to replace the current system with the a modern one. which can perform better in terms of accuracy. Our citizens can tolerate no wrong information regarding air pollution. This is will also for help the government ’s convenience to in obtaining accurate data and enable it to take suitable for further action on the to improve ment of air quality.

    We are all facing a high time a major challenge as the air quality keeps getting worse. I it is hope that the above suggestions will be considered seriously. shall be carried out with urgency. Otherwise, both us and the next generations the people of this city will continue to suffer.
    Last edited by teechar; 31-Dec-2016 at 14:43.

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