[Grammar] Text correcting

[nn200]

Hi I need help with correcting this text:



Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your acceptance.

Sincerely yours,

 

[tedmc]

Hi I need help with correcting this text:

The reason why I chose ASP was because of the very unique combination of subjects, international business and Chinese. The other reason was also because of the trips that I did [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] to Asia during my gap years, which [STRIKE]make[/STRIKE] made me gain interest in [STRIKE][STRIKE]the [/STRIKE][/STRIKE]Asian culture. I got accepted into the program and started [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] the so-called year zero where I only learned Chinese. I slowly realized day by day that it was not what I wanted. In many ways, I[STRIKE] am [/STRIKE] was disappointed (I think you probably mean "you could not adapt) [STRIKE]when it comes to[/STRIKE] with the language, culture and country. For me it is really important to show my passion through my goals, but unfortunately I cannot seem to do it with ASP. I could not look at myself in the eyes and say this is what I want to do [STRIKE]in [/STRIKE] for my future career. I did try my best - attended [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] all the lectures and classes as well as taking all the exams very seriously. Investing in my future [STRIKE]have[/STRIKE] has always been something I found really worthwhile [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE], therefore I went on a trip to Shanghai in January 2017[STRIKE] in[/STRIKE] for a month to learn Mandarin [STRIKE]with[/STRIKE] at the xxxx School. Unfortunately the interest was not there and it did not change my view of Chinese at all. Knowing that this program was not the right one for me [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] at a very early stage, I still keep studying hard because for me learning is always worthwhile. I never regret my decision because I do not want to look back and say “what if”. You can only learn from experience, and making mistake always [STRIKE]does [/STRIKE] happens in the course of learning. I figure out that I wanted is a more general business studies program in a global context.

My decision to be an IB student is underscored by my desire to be a part of an international environment. I firmly believe that IB will give me the best chances to develop myself, and open doors for my future career aspirations. It will broaden my horizons and give me an opportunity to gain world-class education and help me become an excellent world citizen.

Given my past history of commitment to excellence, I am confident that I will bring a high level of energy and enthusiasm to your program. I am sure to exceed your expectations, because of both my academic and interpersonal skills as well as the experience gained during my gap years. I will enrich the program by enabling fellow students and professors to benefit from my ambitious and open nature. Furthermore, my international background will add more diversity to your program.

In conclusion, I would like to say that if I become an IB student at CBS, I promise to be a worthy student of this program.


Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your acceptance.

Sincerely yours,

.

 

[nn200]

the sentence:

I still keep studying hard because for me learning is always worthwhile.

isn't it "I still kept studying" instead of "I still"

 

[tedmc]

I still keep studying hard because for me, learning is always worthwhile.

I would add a comma after "for me".

If it is something you still do, then you use the present/present continuous tense.

Remember to begin a sentence with a capital letter and end with a full-stop/question mark.