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  1. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #21

    Re: Freedom, part seven

    Next paragraph. Say:

    The next day Kemal and I went to the town centre, which was even more sterile than the ones in the previous two towns I had visited. It was a typical dormitory town where nothing happens and where you can't expect to see very many people out and about.

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    #22

    Re: Freedom, part seven

    Say:

    The planners of this town seemed to have had an affinity for rectangular and square buildings, which were everywhere.

  3. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #23

    Re: Freedom, part seven

    Say:

    At that time I did not know enough about Sweden to understand the cause of this lack of imagination, but after years spent in the country it became clear to me that the political system had...

  4. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #24

    Re: Freedom, part seven

    Say:

    The anxiety I felt before now rose up in me again.

  5. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #25

    Re: Freedom, part seven

    Say:

    At least it was surrounded with trees and shrubs and close to the dense woods where you could walk and be close to nature.

  6. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #26

    Re: Freedom, part seven

    Perhaps:

    Every morning I would walk by these concrete rectangles and squares, take the crowded commuter train to Stockholm, spend nine hours in my office holding in my feelings all day, and then take the crowded train again, and arrive home exhausted and drained.

    If you look up "overcrowded" in the dictionary you will see one word: crowded.

    It's exhausting holding in your feelings all day. It wears you out.

  7. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #27

    Re: Freedom, part seven

    Say:

    We went into a corner shop, and the owner, who was originally from Lebanon, brightened when we told him we were from Bosnia.

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    #28

    Re: Freedom, part seven

    Say;

    "The Swedes will never understand us," he said. "They think we are here only after their money."

  9. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #29

    Re: Freedom, part seven

    Say:

    I got the impression that he must be bored in his little shop with so few people walking by.

  10. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #30

    Re: Freedom, part seven

    Next paragraph. Perhaps:

    To the right of us a few metres away sat a bunch of drunks. They gesticulated, shouted, and spoke loudly in their cracked, slurred voices.

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