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  1. VIP Member
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    #1

    When Peter saw two men with knives

    I am wondering if my sentences sound natural. Would you please correct my mistakes?

    When Peter saw two men with knives, he cringed and wanted to run away, but his legs felt leaden. He was stunned like an animal caught in a trap.

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: When Peter saw two men with knives

    Delete a couple of words. Say:

    When Peter saw two men with knives, he wanted to run away, but his legs felt leaden. He was stunned like an animal caught in a trap.


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    #3

    Re: When Peter saw two men with knives

    Tarheel,

    You have deleted "cringe," but I would like to keep that word because it describes more specific Peter's feelings at that moment.

  4. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: When Peter saw two men with knives

    Doesn't "he wanted to run away" describe his feelings? On the other hand, the word "cringe" does not, I think, suggest flight.

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    #5

    Re: When Peter saw two men with knives

    You are probably right, Tarheel. I just wanted to describe the fear Peter felt at that moment.

  6. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: When Peter saw two men with knives

    You phrased it well. Another way to say it is that he was paralyzed with fear, but your words are, I think, more descriptive.


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    #7

    Re: When Peter saw two men with knives

    All these sentences I post on this forum are for me a kind of exercises. I want to see if the word or a phrase I have written sounds natural in my sentences. You as a native speaker react almost unconsciously when you see different words and phrases, but I have to learn the proper use of each of them. This feels like a difficult job, but I cannot turn away and leave it unfinished.

  8. Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    #8

    Re: When Peter saw two men with knives

    I think you could leave cringed in.

  9. teechar's Avatar
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    #9

    Re: When Peter saw two men with knives

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    All these sentences I post on this forum are for me a kind of exercise. I want to see if the word or the phrase I have written sounds natural in my sentences. You, as a native speaker, react almost unconsciously instinctively when you see different odd words and phrases, but I have to learn the proper use of each of them. This feels like a difficult job, but I am determined to do it. cannot turn away and leave it unfinished.
    .

  10. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #10

    Re: When Peter saw two men with knives

    For me, "cringed" (when faced with someone with a knife) suggests not only a specific facial expression, but also the action of trying to compact one's body into a smaller space, perhaps starting to crouch down to get away from the knives. On that basis, I might use "... he cringed then tried to run away but his legs felt like lead".
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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