[Essay] Selective school essay practice.

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itosan4

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The prompt is seagull.
Can you please grade it as a selective school essay. (year 9)

The wind gushed against the seagulls slim body, trying to prevent its descent towards the food. It was the lightest of the bunch and it didn't help that it couldn't get any food. As the others descended it tried to push against the wall with the last of its energy to no avail. With that it let the current control him lifting him higher and higher, it tried to push again but instead it folded its wings inward plummeting like a missile, at the sound of the piercing wind the flock of gulls dispersed. It stuck out its claws and plunged into the dirt before helping itself to its prize. While it was pecking at it, a figure emerged in its sight before heading towards itself. The seagull flapped its wings and beared its talons in hope of scaring it away, it backed away before tripping on its butt, as it ate the other seagulls came in and feasted on the food. Then it came back for round two, it chased them across the sand while flapping its arms in a weird pattern, when that failed it threw sand at them. In the end it got bored and played something else leaving the gulls to recover from the traumatizing attack.
 

teechar

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I'd say 6 out of 10.
 

itosan4

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What can I do to improve, I know it needs to be longer.
 

teechar

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What was the full prompt for that essay?
Also, is the information you provided on your profile page correct?
 
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