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  1. Newbie
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      • Polish
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      • Poland
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      • Poland

    • Join Date: Jan 2017
    • Posts: 5
    #1

    Would you please check my writing, preparing to STANAG 6001 level 2

    Hi,
    I am currently preparing to the military English exam according to STANAG 6001 on level 2. During the exam I will have to write a report and a list/There was an information telling I have to wait for email. First task will check my knowledge about formal style of writing, and second one informal. Below I present you example of the report, as well as the letter. Would you please tell me is it good or bad? I will be appreciate for that.

    TASK ONE

    Write between 120 – 150 words. While patrolling an Afghan town, you saw a house on fire. You have to write a report to your CO about the event. Include the following points:

    • time and place of the event
    • people involved / victims
    • rescue operation
    • (possible) causes of fire
    • how the Polish unit can help the victims

    REPORT

    TO: CO John Rambo
    FROM: Cap XXX
    SUBJECT: A house on fire during the patrol
    DATE: 23th December, 2016


    Introduction
    The aim of this report is to describe the accident which happened during the patrol on 20th December, 2017.
    Circumstances
    Firstly, my platoon had been patrolling an Afgan town for two hours before we noticed a house on fire located in north district. There were about fifteen people on the street whose were forced to leave their flats due to the danger.
    Moreover, there was high possibility that in the house are still a woman and one child trapped by the fire.
    Secondly, my platoon secured the area and I ordered to call the support. The fire brigade appeared in ten minutes and started fight with the fire directly.
    Finally, a woman and a child have lost their lives and they were only victims the accident.
    Conclusion
    In conclusion, it is obvious that this kind of situation could happen in the future. My recommendation is that the Polish unit should supply the platoons with fire blankets.




    TASK TWO

    Write an email. Write between 150-200 words.
    You have moved with your family to a new unit. A colleague from your previous workplace is going to be sent to the same place soon. He asked you to send him some information about living conditions in the unit: accommodation, job opportunities for soldier’s wives, schools for children and other facilities in the area.
    EMAIL

    Hello Denis,
    Thanks for your email; it was wonderful to hear from you.
    I am writing with regard to your request, which you included in the last email, concerning living conditions in my new unit. You wrote that you will be sent here because of your promotion; therefore I will be happy to answer your questions.
    Firstly, you were wondering about accommodation. Well, the apartment I have got is very well situated. I have to walk only 3 minutes to the nearest bus stop and I have nice view over the forest through my living room window.
    Secondly, there are few possible options for your wife if she will want to get a job. She could work as an accountant help in local bureau but they are very demanding about important skill which a new employ should have. Your wife may also take a job in the biggest shop in the centre of the town, as well as in one of a few restaurants.
    Thirdly, you may send your younger child in the nearest preschool, which is located on the edge of the town and the older one in a remote high school.
    Finally, there is big water park in the centre where you could go with your family seven day a week. It is opened form 6 am to 9 pm.
    I would be pleased to provide you with any additional information in this matter.
    I hope to hear from you soon.
    Your faithfully,
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 20-Jan-2017 at 18:15. Reason: Changed to standard (readable) font

  2. teechar's Avatar
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      • Iraq
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      • Iraq

    • Join Date: Feb 2015
    • Posts: 7,682
    #2

    Re: Would you please check my writing, preparing to STANAG 6001 level 2

    Quote Originally Posted by michalch View Post
    Hi,
    I am currently preparing to for the military English exam according to STANAG 6001, on level 2. During the exam, I will have to write a report and a list. /There was an information telling I have to wait for email. [I don't understand the highlighted text.] The first task will check my knowledge about formal style of formal writing, and the second one is about informal writing. Below I present you is my attempt at a example of the report , as well as the and a letter. Would you please tell me if my writing is okay? is it good or bad? I will be appreciate grateful for that.

    TASK ONE

    Write between 120 – 150 words. While patrolling an Afghan town, you saw a house on fire. You have to write a report to your CO about the event. Include the following points:
    Quote Originally Posted by michalch View Post
    • time and place of the event
    • people involved / victims
    • rescue operation
    • (possible) causes of fire
    • how the Polish unit can help the victims

    REPORT
    TO: CO John Rambo
    FROM: Cap XXX
    SUBJECT: A house on fire during the patrol
    DATE: 23 December, 2016


    Introduction
    The aim of this report is to describe the accident an incident involving a fire at a house, observed which happened during the patrol on 20 December 2017.

    Circumstances

    Firstly, My platoon had been patrolling an Afgan the town of XYZ for two hours before we noticed a house on fire located in the north district. There were about fifteen people on the street whose who were forced had to leave their flats due to the danger.

    Moreover,
    There was a high strong possibility [Say, "strong possibility "or "high probability."] that in the house are still a woman and one child were trapped in the house. by the fire.

    Secondly,
    To deal with the situation, my platoon secured the area, and I immediately contacted the civilian emergency services. ordered to called the support. The fire brigade appeared in ten minutes and started fighting with the fire. directly.

    Finally,
    Unfortunately, the woman and the child inside that house could not be saved; have lost their lives and they were the only victims of that fire. the accident.

    Conclusion

    In conclusion, fires and other such unfortunate incidents can happen anytime. It is, therefore, important for the patrolling unit to be trained and know how to deal with this kind of situation to save lives and minimize casualties. it is obvious that this kind of situation could happen in the future. My recommendation is that the Polish unit should supply the platoons with fire blankets.




    TASK TWO

    Write an email. Write between 150-200 words.
    You have moved with your family to a new unit. A colleague from your previous workplace is going to be sent to the same place soon. He asked you to send him some information about living conditions in the unit: accommodation, job opportunities for soldier’s wives, schools for children and other facilities in the area.
    EMAIL

    Hello Denis,
    Thanks for your email; it was wonderful to hear from you.
    I am writing with regard to your request, which you included in the last email, concerning living conditions in my new unit. You wrote that you will be sent here because of your promotion; therefore, I will be happy to answer your questions.
    Firstly, you were wondering about accommodation. Well, the apartment I have got is very well situated. I have to walk only 3 minutes to the nearest bus stop and I have a nice view over the forest through my living-room window.
    Secondly, there are few possible options for your wife if she will wants to get a job. She could work as an accountant, help in local bureau but they are very demanding about important the skills which a new employee should have. Your wife may also take a job in the biggest shop in the centre of the town, as well as or even in one of a few the restaurants here.

    Thirdly,
    Also, you may send your younger child in the nearest to a preschool which is located on the edge of the town, and the older one in a remote to a high school, but that's a little further away.

    Finally, there is big water park in the centre where you could go with your family to relax and have fun. seven day a week. It is open ed form 6 am to 9 pm, seven days a week.


    I would be pleased to provide you with any additional information you may need. in this matter.


    I hope to hear from you soon.


    Your faithfully,

    Take care,

    Jon

    Note that you haven't addressed the points highlighted in orange.

  3. Newbie
    Interested in Language
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      • Polish
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      • Poland
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    • Posts: 5
    #3

    Re: Would you please check my writing, preparing to STANAG 6001 level 2

    Thank you Sir. By the way, I see that there is a lot work I have to do to improve my writing.
    Last edited by michalch; 20-Jan-2017 at 16:14.

  4. teechar's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Would you please check my writing, preparing to STANAG 6001 level 2

    Note that I have created a new thread for your subsequent question.

  5. emsr2d2's Avatar
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      • British English
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    • Posts: 47,342
    #5

    Re: Would you please check my writing, preparing to STANAG 6001 level 2

    Quote Originally Posted by michalch View Post
    Thank you. Sir. By the way, I see that there is I have a lot work I have to do to improve my writing.
    Note my changes above. Please don't address everyone here as "sir". That suggests you think we are all male. We are not.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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