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  1. Member
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    #1

    Please help me proofread and polish this letter.

    Dear ***,
    Our school photograghy club is going to hold an International High School Student Photograhpy Show. The theme of the show is environmental protection. It will start from June 15th and last for three weeks. Any student who is interested is welcome to participate. I know you take good pictures and you've always wanted to do something for environmental protection. I remember you showed me some photos on that theme the last time you visited our school. This is surely a good chance for more people to see them. If you want to join, you can send your photos to *** (email address).
    Hope to hear from you soon.

    Yours,
    ***
    It is a kind of writing practice for my students. It presumes that your school photography club is preparing an International High School Students Photograph Show. And you want to ask one of your foreign friends, who loves taking photos and really does a good job, to take part in this show. So you are planning to write a letter to invite him/her to join the activity. The letter above is my own version. It serves as a possible version for my students. I hope someone would be so kind as to help me perfect it. Thanks a million in advance.
    Last edited by rodgers white; 22-Jan-2017 at 10:50.

  2. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    English Teacher
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    #2

    Re: Please help me proofread and polish this letter.

    It starts/will start on June 15th and runs/run for three weeks.
    It runs for three weeks from June 15th.
    It runs for three weeks, starting June 15th.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  3. teechar's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Please help me proofread and polish this letter.

    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    Dear ***,
    Our school photograghy club is going to hold an the International High School Student Photography Show. The theme of the show is environmental protection. It will start from on 15 June 15th 2017, and last for three weeks. Any student who is interested is welcome to participate. I know you take good pictures, and you've always wanted to do something for environmental protection. I remember you showed me some photos on that theme the last time you visited our school. This will is surely be a good chance for more people to see them. If you want to take part, join, you can send your photos to *** (email address).

    I hope to hear from you soon.

    Yours,
    ***

    It The above is a kind of writing practice for my students. It presumes that your the school photography club is preparing an organizing an exhibition titled, the International High School Students Photograph Show. And you want to ask one of your The task is to write a letter to a foreign friend who loves taking photos and really does a good job, to take part in this show. So you are planning to write a letter to invite him/her to join the activity. The letter above is my own version. It serves as a possible version for my students. I hope someone would be so kind as to help me perfect it. Thanks a million in advance.
    .

  4. Member
    English Teacher
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    #4

    Re: Please help me proofread and polish this letter.

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    It starts/will start on June 15th and runs/run for three weeks.
    It runs for three weeks from June 15th.
    It runs for three weeks, starting June 15th.
    I really appreciate your help. Sometimes, it is impossible for me to find the improper use above because it is a matter of language sense. Remembering English words is easy, but using the language in a proper way is tough. The way native speakers write or say is just a result of their way of thinking. Though my English teacher once asked us to think of everything in English, I'm not a native speaker and it's quite challenging for me to understand how to write and speak in an authentic way. I just wonder how many roads I must walk before I can speak and write freely just like native speakers. Anyway, thanks again for your support.

  5. Member
    English Teacher
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    #5

    Re: Please help me proofread and polish this letter.

    Quote Originally Posted by teechar View Post
    .
    Thank you so much for your time. I have nothing but admiration for you because you guys do your voluntary work with every fibre of your being every day. Come what may, I won't change my mind about learning and teaching English because of your spirit of devotion to helping people.

  6. Member
    English Teacher
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    #6

    Re: Please help me proofread and polish this letter.

    Quote Originally Posted by teechar View Post
    It presumes that yourthe school photography club is preparing an organizing an exhibition titled, the International High School Students Photograph Show..
    Can we write "It presumes that ... an exhibition titled "the Internation High School Students Photograph Show"."?

  7. teechar's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: Please help me proofread and polish this letter.

    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    Can we write "It presumes that ... an exhibition titled "the International High School Students Photograph Show"?
    Yes, we can.

  8. Member
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    #8

    Re: Please help me proofread and polish this letter.

    Quote Originally Posted by teechar View Post
    Yes, we can.
    What a pity! It's outdated. Perhaps we should say "America First" now.

  9. Key Member
    Interested in Language
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    #9

    Re: Please help me proofread and polish this letter.

    I have nothing but admiration for you because you guys do your voluntary work with every fibre of your being every day.
    I don't think I have heard of that phrase. I have heard of "moral fibre" though.
    Of course it is meant to be a metaphor but I find native English speakers generally like to read what they are used to and don't really appreciate originality in metaphors, which they distinguish between language which they termed "natural" and "unnatural.
    Perhaps, phrases like "wholeheartedly" and "with total devotion/dedication" would be more natural.


    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

  10. Member
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    #10

    Re: Please help me proofread and polish this letter.

    Quote Originally Posted by tedmc View Post


    I don't think I have heard of that phrase. I have heard of "moral fibre" though.
    Of course it is meant to be a metaphor but I find native English speakers generally like to read what they are used to and don't really appreciate originality in metaphors, which they distinguish between language which they termed "natural" and "unnatural.
    Perhaps, phrases like "wholeheartedly" and "with total devotion/dedication" would be more natural.


    Thank you so much for your opinion towards "every fibre of your being". I heard this phrase yesterday as Scarlett Johanson spoke out about women's health issues during the women's march in Washington D.C. on Saturday. She said, " I believe with every fibre of my being that the conversations that we have with our partner and our doctors about what we do with our bodies and our future should not be made fodder for any politician, political agenda, lawmaker and for-profit corporation."
    Johannson then made a public plea to Donald Trump.
    “President Trump, I did not vote for you,” she said as the crowd cheered. ” That said, I respect that you are our president-elect and I want to be able to support you. But first I ask that you support me, support my sister, support my mother.
    Obviously, she is a firm supporter of Planned Parenthood. Back to the phrase, I probably used it in an improper way. Anyway, I really appreciate your help.
    Last edited by rodgers white; 23-Jan-2017 at 05:59.

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