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    #1

    Letter to Principal

    I am preparing for my exam. Please make suggestions for my draft below. Thank you.


    Topic:

    Currently, only a small number of students in your school have access to school lockers. As the chairperson of the Student Union of your school, you have collected the views of students from different classes on this issue. Write a letter to Ms Lee, your school Principal, to persuade her to change the policy on lockers.


    Dear Ms Lee,

    As the chairperson of the Student Union, I am writing with regards to revamp the policy about the usage of lockers in school. This is because a number of complaints have been filed towards limited access to lockers recently. It has been estimated there are more than 50 students urging for an increase in the number of lockers, whilst there are 22 students suggesting renovation works shall be carried out for the existing lockers. It is hoped that this letter can draw your particular attention to students’ concerns.

    First and foremost, we cordially look for more locker provisions on each floor in school. It is understandable that the school wants students to bring their textbooks to home for revision and reference. But it is reflected that the schoolbags of students are already crammed with textbooks of various subjects, making students extremely tedious when carrying their schoolbags. To our concern, some students even leave their textbooks in their drawers unattended in a bid to ease burdens on schoolbags. Not only are there many calls on the installation of more lockers, but also textbooks-missing reports are on the rise. Therefore, the school shall find ways to address all these problems.

    After the consolidation of students’ opinions, most consider that one locker shared by two students is a better alternative than the original policy – only senior students can have access to lockers. Only within this amendment, students from junior forms can also have access to lockers. After discussion with staff from management office, it is feasible to install lockers on each floor near the toilets, hopefully, students can save time heading to the ground floor and use their lockers. The details of the location for installation have already been marked down on the layout plan enclosed for your further decision.

    Apart from setting up more lockers, we also see the need to refurbish the existing lockers on the ground floor. This is because there was an incident last week that the door of a locker detached and fell down, and accidentally hit a student. Members of the Student Union are very much concerned with the incident, as it is related to the safety of the students. We have discovered that quite a number of lockers on the ground floor are dilapidated and have spotted rust on the hinge of some lockers. This would give rise to more incidents of similar kind if no refurbishment works are carried out.


    We hope that the school can amend the policy regarding the lockers and we would like to see a quick resolution to renovating the existing one. Thank you in advance for your favorable reply.

    Yours sincerely,
    Jessica Chan

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    #2

    Re: Letter to Principal

    Quote Originally Posted by yslamac View Post
    I am preparing for my exam. Please make suggestions for my draft below. Thank you.


    Topic:

    Currently, only a small number of students in your school have access to school lockers. As the chairperson of the Student Union of your school, you have collected the views of students from different classes on this issue. Write a letter to Ms Lee, your school Principal, to persuade her to change the policy on lockers.


    Dear Ms Lee,

    As the chairperson of the Student Union, I am writing with regards to the need to revamp the policy about the usage availability of lockers to students in the school. This is because a number of complaints have been filed towards made on the limited access to lockers recently. It has been estimated there are more than 50 students urging for an increase in the number of lockers, whilst there are 22 students suggesting renovation works shall be carried out for to the existing lockers. It is hoped that this letter can would draw your particular attention to the students’ concerns.

    First and foremost, we cordially look earnestly request for more lockers to be provided provisions on each floor in school. It is understandable that the school wants students to bring their textbooks to home for revision and reference. But it is reflected that the As it is, schoolbags of students are already crammed with textbooks of various subjects, making students it extremely tedious burdensome for student when carrying to carry their schoolbags. To our concern, We are concerned that some students even leave their textbooks in their drawers unattended in a bid to ease the burdens on their schoolbags. Not only are there many calls on the installation of more lockers, but also textbooks-missing reports are on the rise. Therefore, the school shall should find ways to address all these problems.

    After the consolidation of
    From the students’ opinions, most consider that one locker shared by two students is a better alternative than the original policy – only senior students can have access to lockers. Only within this amendment, students from junior forms can also have access to lockers. After discussion with staff from the management office, it is feasible to install lockers on each floor near the toilets so that, hopefully, students can save time heading walking to the ground floor and use to access their lockers. The details of the location for the installations have already been marked down out on the layout plan enclosed for your further decision.

    Apart from setting up providing more lockers, we also see the need to refurbish the existing lockers on the ground floor. This is because there was an incident last week that where the door of a locker detached and fell down came off, and accidentally hit a student. The members of the Student Union are very much concernedwith about the incident, as it is related to compromises the safety of the students. We have discovered that quite a number of lockers on the ground floor are dilapidated and have spotted rust on the hinge of some lockers rusty hinges. This would give rise to more incidents of similar kind if no refurbishment works carried out.


    We hope that the school can would amend the policy regarding the lockers and we would like to see a quick resolution to renovating the existing one lockers renovated soon . Thank you in advance I look forward to for your favorable reply.

    Yours sincerely,
    Jessica Chan
    .
    Last edited by tedmc; 30-Jan-2017 at 07:14.
    I am not a teacher.

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    #3

    Re: Letter to Principal

    Is the tone of the letter appropriate if the recipient is the Principal?

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    #4

    Re: Letter to Principal

    Quote Originally Posted by yslamac View Post
    Is the tone of the letter appropriate if the recipient is the Principal?
    Yes, I think the letter is quite objective and is suitable for an official letter.

    Note that I have edited my previous post to correct certain omissions.
    I am not a teacher.

  5. teechar's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Letter to Principal

    Quote Originally Posted by yslamac View Post
    Dear Ms Lee,

    As the chairperson of the Student Union, I am writing with regards to revamp the policy about the usage of to highlight the urgent need for more lockers in our school. This is because a number of I have received numerous complaints lately have been filed towards about the inadequate number of limited access to lockers available to students; even the existing lockers are old and need to be replaced. recently. It has been estimated there are more than 50 students urging for an increase in the number of lockers, whilst there are 22 students suggesting renovation works shall be carried out for the existing lockers. It is hoped that this letter can draw your particular attention to students’ concerns.

    First and foremost, we cordially look for need more lockers provisions on each floor in the school. It is understandable that the school wants students to bring take their textbooks to home for revision and reference. But this just adds to the weight students have to carry in their already crammed bags everyday to and from school. it is reflected that the schoolbags of students are already crammed with textbooks of various subjects, making students extremely tedious when carrying their schoolbags. To our We are concerned that some students even leave their textbooks unattended in their drawers simply because their schoolbags are too heavy for them to carry.unattended in a bid to ease burdens on schoolbags. Not only are there many calls on the installation of more lockers, but also Added to that, the number of reported missing textbooks is on the rise. -missing reports are on the rise. Therefore, It is incumbent upon the school to find a practical solution to this problem, and I believe the installation of a sufficient number of lockers is the way to go. shall find ways to address all these problems.

    After the consolidation of students’ opinions, most consider that one locker shared by two students is a better alternative than the original policy – only senior students can have access to lockers. Only within this amendment, students from junior forms can also have access to lockers. After discussion with staff from management office, it is feasible to install lockers on each floor near the toilets, hopefully, students can save time heading to the ground floor and use their lockers. The details of the location for installation have already been marked down on the layout plan enclosed for your further decision.

    It is important that the school provide lockers to all students (junior and senior). I've had discussions with many students and some of our administrative staff about where we should install new lockers. The consensus seems to be that they should be located near the toilet facilities on each floor.

    Apart from setting up getting more lockers, we also see the need to refurbish the existing lockers ones on the ground floor. This is because there was an incident last week that in which the door of a locker got detached, and fell off, down, and accidentally hit injured a student. Members of the Student Union are very much alarmed by all such concerned with the incidents related to health and safety. , as it is related to the safety of the students. We have discovered that quite a number of lockers on the ground floor are dilapidated and have spotted extensive rust on some of the hinges. of some lockers. This would give rise to more incidents of similar kind if no refurbishment works are carried out.


    We hope that the school can amend promptly review its the policy regarding the and provide extra lockers and we would like to see a quick resolution to renovating the existing ones repaired soon.

    Thank you in advance, for your favorable and I await your reply.

    Yours sincerely,

    Jessica Chan
    .

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    #6

    Re: Letter to Principal

    Thank you for all your suggestions.

    Why a semi-colon is used in the first paragraph?
    For the sentence (we would like to see the existing ones repaired soon), why the word "being" is omitted before "repaired"?

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    #7

    Re: Letter to Principal

    Quote Originally Posted by yslamac View Post
    Thank you for all your suggestions.

    Why ​is a semi-colon is used in the first paragraph?
    For the sentence "We would like to see the existing ones repaired soon", why is the word "being" is omitted before "repaired"?
    See my corrections above with regard to how to construct a question properly.

    In the first paragraph, a semi-colon was used because it's an alternative to using two sentences, separated by a full stop. A comma would not work there because it would create a comma splice.

    "Being" would not be grammatical in the other sentence.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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