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    #1

    Please check my continuation writing and help polish it. Many thanks in advance.

    It was an unusually quiet day in the emergency room on December 25. Quiet, that is, except for those who were standing around the nurses’ station complaining about having to work Christmas Day. I was triage nurse that day and had just been out to the waiting room to clean up. Just then five bodies showed up at my triage desk, a pale woman and four small children.
    “ Are you all sick?” I asked suspiciously.
    “Yes,” she said weakly and lowered her head.
    But when it came to descriptions of their presenting problems, things got a little vague. Two of the children had headaches, but the headaches weren’t accompanied by the normal body language of holding the head or trying to keep it still. Two children had earaches, but only one could tell me which ear was affected. The mother complained of a cough but seemed to work to produce it.
    Something was wrong, but I didn’t say anything but explained to the mother that it might be a little while before a doctor saw her. She responded, “ Take your time; it’s warm in here.” She turned and, with a smile, guided her children into the waiting room.
    On a hunch( call it nursing judgment), I checked the chart after the admitting clerk had finished registering the family. No address--- they were homeless. The waiting room was warm. I looked out at the family huddled by the Christmas tree. The littlest one was pointing at the television and exclaiming something to her mother. The oldest one was looking at her reflection in an ornament on the Christmas tree.
    I went back to the nurses’ station and mentioned we had a homeless family in the waiting room. The nurses, complaining about working Christmas, turned to compassion for a family just trying to get warm on Christmas. The team went into action, much as we do when there’s a medical emergency. But this one was a Christmas emergency. A special Christmas party was to be held.
    The text above is in a reference book for Chinese students to prepare for their English examinations,which mainly include three styles of writing---practical writing, continuation writing and summary writing. The reference book is named " Five years' real exam papers and three years' mock exam papers".

    The task is to do a continuation writing. The requirements are as follows:
    I. The word limit is around 150, but no less than 130.
    II. At least six underlined keywords or expressions must be used and highlighted as well in your continuation writing.
    III.Your continuation writing is divided into two paragraphs whose first sentences have already been given.

    Paragraph 1:
    We were all offered a free meal in the hospital cafeteria on Christmas Day, __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________
    Paragraph 2:
    When the party ended, as the family walked to the door to leave, __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________


    My own version goes as follows:

    **************
    We were all offered a free meal in the hospital cafeteria on Christmas Day, so we asked for that meal and prepared a banquet for our Christmas guests. We also needed presents, so we put together candies, fruits and other things available from different apartments. Rushing in and out of the waiting room, our team made great efforts to make a warm party to meet the needs of a homeless family who just wanted to be warm on Christmas Day.

    When the party ended, as the family walked to the door to leave, the mother came running back, gave me a hug and whispered, “ Thanks for being our angels today.” As she ran back, they all waved one more time before the door closed. Inside the nurse station, there stood a group of nurses with tears in their eyes, who worked a Christmas Day that they will never forget.

    **************
    The continuation writing is a kind of writing practice for my students. The students should try to understand the whole passage fully first and then start to think about how to write the continuation part. It is quite difficult for them to design the plot in a logical way. It serves as a possible version for my students. I hope someone would be kind enough to check it and help polish it. Many thanks in advance.
    Last edited by rodgers white; 03-Feb-2017 at 03:02.

  2. teechar's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Please check my continuation writing and help polish it. Many thanks in advance

    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    I. The word limit should be is around 150, words and but no less than 130. words.
    II. At least six underlined keywords or expressions must be used and highlighted as well in your continuation writing.
    III.Your continuation writing is divided into two paragraphs whose first sentences have already been given.

    We were all offered a free meal in the hospital cafeteria on Christmas Day, so we asked for that meal and prepared a banquet for our Christmas guests. We also needed presents, so we put together candies, fruits and other things available items we collected from different apartments. Rushing in and out of the waiting room, our team made great efforts to make a warm party to meet the needs of a homeless family who just wanted to be warm on Christmas Day.

    When the party ended, as the family walked to the door to leave, the mother came running back, gave me a hug and whispered, Thanks for being our angels today. As she ran back, they all waved one more time before the door closed. Inside the nurse station, there stood a group of nurses with tears in their eyes, who worked a Christmas Day that they will never forget.
    I don't understand the highlighted text.

  3. Member
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    #3

    Re: Please check my continuation writing and help polish it. Many thanks in advance

    We also needed presents, so we put together candies, fruits and other things availableitems we collected from different apartments.Rushing in and out of the waiting room, our team made great efforts to make a warm party to meet the needs of a homeless family who just wanted to be warm on Christmas Day.
    I really appreciate your help. In terms of "from different apartments", what I want to express is that other items we collected from different departments and personnel working there. As for "make a warm party", I just want to say " we try to organize a good Christmas party to make the family feel warm." I don't know how to express this in an authentic way. Maybe I can write like this: "We also needed presents, so we put together candies, fruits and other items we collected from personnel working in the station. Rushing in and out of the waiting room, our team made great efforts to hold a nice Christmas party to meet the needs of a homeless family who just wanted to be warm on Christmas Day." Can you please give me your suggestions?
    Last edited by rodgers white; 03-Feb-2017 at 13:26.

  4. teechar's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Please check my continuation writing and help polish it. Many thanks in advance

    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    so we put together candies, fruits and other things available items we collected from other departments, and different apartments. rushing in and out of the waiting room, our team made great efforts to make a warm have a modest party to meet the needs of for a homeless family who just wanted to be warm on Christmas Day.
    .

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