applying for an MSc in Finance and wish to request my motivational letter reviewed

[Niniwick]

My whole life from infancy to teenage, I dreamt of becoming a Managing Director of a bank. Though I had no particular bank in mind because I barely knew about them, I told myself I needed to do all the courses and programmes that will aid me in attaining my dream. During my High School days, I had a high spirit and read a programme in Business Accounting with enthusiasm.
I was introduced to the bookkeeping rules and principles and was also taught simple business mathematics and costing; I was so eager to do anything that could possibly push me closer to my aspirations, my interest for finance I think was nurtured then. My admission into the University of Ghana to read Social Science came not only as a surprise but also, a disappointment. I thought my dream had been killed and gave up on anything that had to do with pursuing my dream and decided to concentrate on the courses offered and improve my intellect. I took keen interest in International Relations and delved deep into the subject relegating my dream to the background.
My undergraduate period at the University of Ghana gave me the opportunity of being exposed to modules in the Department of Political Science like Political Research, Introduction to and issues in Comparative Politics, Public Policy Making, Public Policy Process in Ghana, Ghana’s Foreign policy, International Organizations, Politics and the Bureaucracy in Africa among others, these in addition to other modules like Public Law, Comparative Theories of Governments, the Changing Traditional Institutions, Research Methods, and Presentation Techniques and Empirical Social Research method heightened my interest in pursuing a higher degree in the field of Governance and Public Policy. Notably, there cannot be any perfect opportunity for pursuing this noble course than having the privilege of studying in an organized and disciplined country.
My interest was aroused again when I had the opportunity to undertake my National Service to my country with a Life Assurance Company where I was put in the Premium Administration Department to collect, allocate, and administer all the premiums received from policyholders. I was trained on simple bookkeeping, accounting, and reporting skills; I reported daily on the Premiums I collected from clients to the Finance Department. It was there I learnt that finance had to do with the sources and uses of funds, so they were interested in churning the funds (premiums) into good returns for the company. I was fascinated with how they were able to make profit with the premiums collected I therefore devoted myself to researching on the uses of the funds and found out it was invested into financial instruments.
My short-term goal was to secure a job in a bank as an Operations Officer; to equip myself adequately with the working of the financial sector in Ghana, get a professional qualification in banking and later further my studies in finance and economics. I am very committed to a career in finance and decided to work in a newly incorporated Savings and Loans Company a 2[SUP]nd[/SUP] tier bank in Ghana after my stay in the Life Assurance Company. I was challenged to put bits and pieces together as we needed to standardize and prepare the various manuals and documents. I learnt manual banking and was practicing the double entry rule manually by debiting and crediting manually, I was exposed to statement analysis, accounting records, manual journal entries and financial reporting. I practice the manual banking for 11 months and served alongside as a sales executive by helping to design and selling the bank’s products.
To gain more insight into my field of work and the career I wanted to build, I applied to the Chartered Institute of Bankers Ghana to be trained and sit for the Associateship Examination. On entering into the Institute, I was taught the Principles of Banking, Economics in Banking, Elements of Banking, Introduction to Accounting, and the Principles of Management at the first level. I further proceeded to Level 2 where I have been able to equip myself with the Monetary and Financial System, Quantitative Methods for Decision Making, Customer Services – Marketing and the Competitive Environment, Law Relating to Banking, and Management Practices. These courses have really shaped my knowledge in banking and financial institutions and has helped in improving my skills and knowledge in finance as most of the topics treated are finance related and mostly centred on banking.
I am in my 3[SUP]rd[/SUP] Level at the Institute where, I am currently studying International Trade Finance; Financial Reporting, Planning and Analysis; Banking Operations – Regulation, Market Practice and Treasury Management; Bank Strategic Information Management; Practice of Banking I – Law and Practice; and Credit Management – Lending. These courses have broadened my horizon about banking and the financial systems holistically. I would be well equipped with the practice of banking after I Charter in banking and gain a thorough understanding of finance.
I currently possess a strong theoretical understanding of finance and wish to enhance the practical application of the financial concepts through the MSc. Finance as it encapsulates ‘financial applications, models and solutions from corporate, economic and quantitative perspectives. As the programme covers the most important technical and quantitative aspects of finance in regular use in financial institutions’, it will equip me with all the skills that I require in finance to help me achieve a career in Finance and also lead me to achieve another and professional qualification in finance which is globally recognized such as ACCA or CIMA.
My long-term career aspiration is attaining a PhD in Finance and Economics; moving to work in the Central Bank of Ghana and becoming the Governor of the Bank of Ghana. I hope to work with the University of Ghana Business School and the Chartered Institute of Bankers as a Lecturer either on part-time or full time to impact the knowledge, skills and experience acquired over the years to students.
I am highly aware of the reputation and quality of European institutions of higher learning, particularly Siena University and obtaining a higher degree there will not only be a privilege, but also an opportunity to enrich my social experience with the diverse cultural background of its community and techniques in solving diverse problems. I therefore have no doubt of the immense benefits I stand to gain upon my acceptance into the program. I sincerely have the conviction that I will be given the opportunity to achieve this goal by being a member of the class of 2017.

Yours sincerely,
[removed personal information]

 

[Tarheel]

Perhaps:

From the time of my infancy until I was a teenager I dreamed of becoming a managing director of a bank.

 

[emsr2d2]

I don't think most infants know what a bank manager is, let alone dream of being one.

 

[Tarheel]

Some kids at four or five might know what bankers are (sort of), but babies do not.

That extremely long paragraph should be broken up into shorter paragraphs.

Only proper nouns should be capitalized.

Has this also been posted somewhere else?

 

[teechar]

That letter is over 1,000 words long. That's way too much. All you need is around 500-600 words. I suggest you reduce the length of your letter and structure it using clearly defined paragraphs. Each paragraph should deal with one aspect. After briefly introducing yourself and indicating what you're applying for, you can talk about your achievements (academic and otherwise), areas of interest, aspirations and career goals, and why you are applying for that particular program and university. Again, it is important that you keep your letter concise (500-600 words). No one has the time or inclination to read long application letters. Redraft your letter and once you've done that, you're welcome to post it to the forum again.