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  1. Newbie
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    #1

    Proofread Cover Letter

    Hello everyone! I am a student who recently obtained a Master's degree, so it is time to search for a work place I was wondering if someone could help me by proofreading my Cover letter:

    Dear Hiring Manager,

    I am writing to apply for the Software-Engineer Mobile position advertised on your website.

    I recently graduated from the University of XYZ obtaining a Master in Computer Science degree with a spe-
    cialization in Advanced Information Processing. Previously, I obtained the Bachelor degree from the Univesity
    of ABC, where I have been awarder the 123 award for the best Bachelor Thesis in Computer Science.

    During the education I put myself to test by actively searching for part-time jobs where I could gain practical ex-
    perience and apply my technical knowledge for various companies. The area in which I have had the chance to
    deepen my knowledge more significantly is the Mobile (both iOS and Android) field. Having worked with different
    companies I had to analyze, propose, and subsequently implement solutions that would be both viable and ef-
    ficient for the different needs of each company. Thanks to these experiences I improved the ability of analyzing
    problems from different angles and I gained a deeper knowledge of real-world scenarios.

    Please find my resume attached. If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me and I look
    forward to discussing my qualifications with you personally.

    Thanking you in advance for your time,
    X Y


    I replaced the names of universities and awards with random strings :)
    Last edited by eenin; 03-Feb-2017 at 14:23. Reason: removed real name

  2. teechar's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Proofread Cover Letter

    Quote Originally Posted by eenin View Post
    Hello everyone! I am a student who recently obtained a master's degree, so it is time to search for a job. work place I was wondering if someone could help me by proofread ing my cover letter.

    Dear Hiring Manager,

    I am writing to apply for the Software Engineer Mobile position advertised on your website.

    I recently graduated from the University of XYZ obtaining with a Master in Computer Science degree, with and a specialization in Advanced Information Processing. Previously, I obtained the a bachelor's degree from the University of ABC, where I have had been awarded the 123 Award for the Best Bachelor's Thesis in Computer Science.

    During the my university education, I put myself to the test by actively searching for part-time jobs where I could gain practical experience and apply my technical knowledge for in various companies. The area in which I have had the chance to deepen my knowledge more significantly is the mobile (both iOS and Android) field. Having worked with different companies, I had to analyze, propose, and subsequently implement solutions that would be both viable and efficient for the different various needs of each company. Thanks to these experiences I improved the That enhanced my ability of to analyze ing
    problems, from different angles and I gained a deeper knowledge of real-world scenarios.

    Please find attached my resume, and attached. if you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me. and
    I look forward to discussing my qualifications and experience with you personally.

    Thanking you in advance for your time,

    Yours faithfully,

    X Y
    It seems a bit short. Can't you elaborate a little on your strong points/experience? Is this meant to be a general cover letter?

  3. Newbie
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    #3

    Re: Proofread Cover Letter

    Quote Originally Posted by teechar View Post
    It seems a bit short. Can't you elaborate a little on your strong points/experience? Is this meant to be a general cover letter?
    Sorry for the late answer! First of all I would like to thank you for your corrections and suggestions. Secondly, what do you mean with "strong points/experience"? Do you think that the 3rd paragraph isn't enough? Should I add another paragraph where I list my strong points in soft skills?

  4. teechar's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Proofread Cover Letter

    Quote Originally Posted by eenin View Post
    Sorry for the late answer! First of all I would like to thank you for your corrections and suggestions.
    You're welcome. In future, you can just click Thank/Like to show your appreciation. You don't actually need to write a post to thank someone on the forum.

    Quote Originally Posted by eenin View Post
    Secondly, what do you mean with by "strong points/experience"? Do you think that the 3rd paragraph isn't enough? Should I add another paragraph where I list my strong points in soft skills?
    I think you should elaborate on what you're good at; talk about your special skills and/or any significant achievement (award/prize/project, etc.) especially if it relates to the job you're applying for. And remember that the more specific those are, the better.

  5. Newbie
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    #5

    Re: Proofread Cover Letter

    Quote Originally Posted by teechar View Post
    You're welcome. In future, you can just click Thank/Like to show your appreciation. You don't actually need to write a post to thank someone on the forum.
    Oh, I didn't see it, thanks!


    Quote Originally Posted by teechar View Post
    I think you should elaborate on what you're good at; talk about your special skills and/or any significant achievement (award/prize/project, etc.) especially if it relates to the job you're applying for. And remember that the more specific those are, the better.
    Here you are the modified cover letter:


    Dear Hiring Manager,

    I am writing to express my interest in the Software Engineer Mobile position advertised on your website.

    I recently graduated from the University of XYZ with a Master in Computer Science degree, and a specialization in Advanced Information Processing. Previously, I obtained a bachelorís degree from the University of ABC where I had been awarded the 123 Award for the Best Bachelorís Thesis in Computer Science. During both bachelor and master studies, I acquired many technical skills in programming, databases, and networking, with particular attention to the security and mobile fields. When I had the possibility, I chose to take courses in the Software Engineering and Programming fields, which led me to learn many programming languages, as well as learning agile software development.

    During my whole education, I put myself to the test by actively searching for part-time jobs where I could gain practical experience and apply my technical knowledge in various companies. The area in which I have had the chance to deepen my knowledge more significantly is the mobile (both iOS and Android) field. Having worked with different companies, I had to analyze, propose, and subsequently implement solutions that would be both viable and efficient for the various needs of each company. That enhanced my ability to analyze problems, and I
    gained a deeper knowledge of real-world scenarios.

    I believe my technical skills and work experiences qualify me for the Software Engineer Mobile position at ti&m.
    Please find attached my resume, and if you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me.
    I look forward to discussing my qualifications and experience with you personally.

    Yours faithfully,
    X Y

  6. teechar's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: Proofread Cover Letter

    Quote Originally Posted by eenin View Post

    Dear Hiring Manager,

    I am writing to express my interest in the Software Engineer Mobile position advertised on your website.

    I recently graduated from the University of XYZ with a Master in Computer Science degree, and a specialization in Advanced Information Processing. Previously, I obtained a bachelorís degree from the University of ABC, where I had been awarded the 123 Award for the Best Bachelorís Thesis in Computer Science. During both my bachelor's and master's studies, I acquired many technical skills in programming, databases, and networking, with particular attention to especially in the security and mobile fields. Whenever I had the chance, possibility, I chose to take courses in the Software Engineering and Programming, fields, which led me to learn many programming languages, as well as learning agile software development.

    During my whole education, While at university, I put myself to the test by actively searching for part-time jobs where I could gain practical experience and apply my technical knowledge in various companies. The area in which I have had the chance to deepen my knowledge more significantly is the mobile (both iOS and Android) field. Having worked with different companies, I had to analyze, propose, and subsequently implement solutions that would be both viable and efficient for the various needs of each company. That enhanced my ability to analyze problems, and I gained a deeper knowledge of real-world scenarios.

    I believe my technical skills and work experiences qualify me for the Software Engineer Mobile position at ti&m.

    Please find attached my resume, and if you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me.

    I look forward to discussing my qualifications and experience with you personally.

    Yours faithfully,

    X Y
    .

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