Proofread Cover Letter

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eenin

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Hello everyone! I am a student who recently obtained a Master's degree, so it is time to search for a work place :-D I was wondering if someone could help me by proofreading my Cover letter:

Dear Hiring Manager,

I am writing to apply for the Software-Engineer Mobile position advertised on your website.

I recently graduated from the University of XYZ obtaining a Master in Computer Science degree with a spe-
cialization in Advanced Information Processing. Previously, I obtained the Bachelor degree from the Univesity
of ABC, where I have been awarder the 123 award for the best Bachelor Thesis in Computer Science.

During the education I put myself to test by actively searching for part-time jobs where I could gain practical ex-
perience and apply my technical knowledge for various companies. The area in which I have had the chance to
deepen my knowledge more significantly is the Mobile (both iOS and Android) field. Having worked with different
companies I had to analyze, propose, and subsequently implement solutions that would be both viable and ef-
ficient for the different needs of each company. Thanks to these experiences I improved the ability of analyzing
problems from different angles and I gained a deeper knowledge of real-world scenarios.

Please find my resume attached. If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me and I look
forward to discussing my qualifications with you personally.

Thanking you in advance for your time,
X Y


I replaced the names of universities and awards with random strings :)
 
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teechar

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Hello everyone! I am a student who recently obtained a master's degree, so it is time to search for a job. [STRIKE]work place[/STRIKE] :-D I was wondering if someone could help me [STRIKE]by[/STRIKE] proofread [STRIKE]ing[/STRIKE] my cover letter.

Dear Hiring Manager,

I am writing to apply for the Software Engineer Mobile position advertised on your website.

I recently graduated from the University of XYZ [STRIKE]obtaining[/STRIKE] with a Master in Computer Science degree, [STRIKE]with[/STRIKE] and a specialization in Advanced Information Processing. Previously, I obtained [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] a bachelor's degree from the University of ABC, where I [STRIKE]have[/STRIKE] had been awarded the 123 Award for the Best Bachelor's Thesis in Computer Science.

During [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] my university education, I put myself to the test by actively searching for part-time jobs where I could gain practical experience and apply my technical knowledge [STRIKE]for[/STRIKE] in various companies. The area in which I have had the chance to deepen my knowledge [STRIKE]more[/STRIKE] significantly is the mobile (both iOS and Android) field. Having worked with different companies, I had to analyze, propose, and subsequently implement solutions that would be both viable and efficient for the [STRIKE]different[/STRIKE] various needs of each company. [STRIKE]Thanks to these experiences I improved the[/STRIKE] That enhanced my ability [STRIKE]of[/STRIKE] to analyze [STRIKE]ing[/STRIKE]
problems, [STRIKE]from different angles[/STRIKE] and I gained a deeper knowledge of real-world scenarios.

Please find attached my resume, and [STRIKE]attached.[/STRIKE] if you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me. [STRIKE]and[/STRIKE]
I look forward to discussing my qualifications and experience with you personally.

[STRIKE] Thanking you in advance for your time,[/STRIKE]

Yours faithfully,

X Y
It seems a bit short. Can't you elaborate a little on your strong points/experience? Is this meant to be a general cover letter?
 

eenin

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It seems a bit short. Can't you elaborate a little on your strong points/experience? Is this meant to be a general cover letter?

Sorry for the late answer! First of all I would like to thank you for your corrections and suggestions. Secondly, what do you mean with "strong points/experience"? Do you think that the 3rd paragraph isn't enough? Should I add another paragraph where I list my strong points in soft skills?
 

teechar

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Sorry for the late answer! First of all I would like to thank you for your corrections and suggestions.
You're welcome. In future, you can just click Thank/Like to show your appreciation. You don't actually need to write a post to thank someone on the forum.

Secondly, what do you mean [STRIKE]with[/STRIKE] by "strong points/experience"? Do you think that the 3rd paragraph isn't enough? Should I add another paragraph where I list my strong points in soft skills?
I think you should elaborate on what you're good at; talk about your special skills and/or any significant achievement (award/prize/project, etc.) especially if it relates to the job you're applying for. And remember that the more specific those are, the better.
 

eenin

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Student or Learner
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You're welcome. In future, you can just click Thank/Like to show your appreciation. You don't actually need to write a post to thank someone on the forum.

Oh, I didn't see it, thanks!


I think you should elaborate on what you're good at; talk about your special skills and/or any significant achievement (award/prize/project, etc.) especially if it relates to the job you're applying for. And remember that the more specific those are, the better.

Here you are the modified cover letter:


Dear Hiring Manager,

I am writing to express my interest in the Software Engineer Mobile position advertised on your website.

I recently graduated from the University of XYZ with a Master in Computer Science degree, and a specialization in Advanced Information Processing. Previously, I obtained a bachelor’s degree from the University of ABC where I had been awarded the 123 Award for the Best Bachelor’s Thesis in Computer Science. During both bachelor and master studies, I acquired many technical skills in programming, databases, and networking, with particular attention to the security and mobile fields. When I had the possibility, I chose to take courses in the Software Engineering and Programming fields, which led me to learn many programming languages, as well as learning agile software development.

During my whole education, I put myself to the test by actively searching for part-time jobs where I could gain practical experience and apply my technical knowledge in various companies. The area in which I have had the chance to deepen my knowledge more significantly is the mobile (both iOS and Android) field. Having worked with different companies, I had to analyze, propose, and subsequently implement solutions that would be both viable and efficient for the various needs of each company. That enhanced my ability to analyze problems, and I
gained a deeper knowledge of real-world scenarios.

I believe my technical skills and work experiences qualify me for the Software Engineer Mobile position at ti&m.
Please find attached my resume, and if you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me.
I look forward to discussing my qualifications and experience with you personally.

Yours faithfully,
X Y
 

teechar

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Staff member
Joined
Feb 18, 2015
Member Type
English Teacher
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English
Home Country
Iraq
Current Location
Iraq
Dear Hiring Manager,

I am writing to express my interest in the Software Engineer Mobile position advertised on your website.

I recently graduated from the University of XYZ with a Master in Computer Science degree, and a specialization in Advanced Information Processing. Previously, I obtained a bachelor’s degree from the University of ABC, where I had been awarded the 123 Award for the Best Bachelor’s Thesis in Computer Science. During both my bachelor's and master's studies, I acquired many technical skills in programming, databases, and networking, [STRIKE]with particular attention to[/STRIKE] especially in the security and mobile fields. Whenever I had the chance, [STRIKE]possibility,[/STRIKE] I chose to take courses in [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] Software Engineering and Programming, [STRIKE]fields,[/STRIKE] which led me to learn many programming languages, as well as [STRIKE]learning[/STRIKE] agile software development.

[STRIKE]During my whole education,[/STRIKE] While at university, I put myself to the test by actively searching for part-time jobs where I could gain practical experience and apply my technical knowledge in various companies. The area in which I have had the chance to deepen my knowledge more significantly is the mobile (both iOS and Android) field. Having worked with different companies, I had to analyze, propose, and subsequently implement solutions that would be both viable and efficient for the various needs of each company. That enhanced my ability to analyze problems, and I gained a deeper knowledge of real-world scenarios.

I believe my technical skills and work experiences qualify me for the Software Engineer Mobile position at ti&m.

Please find attached my resume, and if you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me.

I look forward to discussing my qualifications and experience with you personally.

Yours faithfully,

X Y
.
 
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