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  1. Nikitus's Avatar
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    #1

    An old video appeared in the screen of the auditorium

    Hello.

    Are the following sentences grammatically correct?


    An old video appeared in the screen of the auditorium. The camera maked a close up to a young and beautiful blonde girl.

    The audience began to talk, while Kelly realized that she was the star of the video. Suddenly appeared a young boy, Ben, on screen, speaking to Kelly.

    When the video ended, a large part of the audience stares at Kelly.

    She acts like if nothing happened. The leadership course continued. She decided to stay on the leadership course and think in over a solution.

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: An old video appeared in the screen of the auditorium

    Try:

    An old video appeared on the screen at the front of the auditorium. The viewers saw a close up of a beautiful young blonde girl.

    How do we know it was an old video, and how old was it?

  3. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: An old video appeared in the screen of the auditorium

    Perhaps:

    The audience buzzed with conversation, and Kelly realized that she was the star of the video.

    Kelly watched the video and saw Ben, a seven-year-old, talking to her.

  4. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: An old video appeared in the screen of the auditorium

    Say:

    When the video ended, a large part of the audience stared at Kelly.

  5. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: An old video appeared in the screen of the auditorium

    Perhaps:

    Kelly acted as if nothing unusual had happened. The leadership course continued. Kelly decided to stay in the leadership course and plot her revenge.

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