[Grammar] An old video appeared in the screen of the auditorium

[Nikitus]

Hello.

Are the following sentences grammatically correct?


An old video appeared in the screen of the auditorium. The camera maked a close up to a young and beautiful blonde girl.

The audience began to talk, while Kelly realized that she was the star of the video. Suddenly appeared a young boy, Ben, on screen, speaking to Kelly.

When the video ended, a large part of the audience stares at Kelly.

She acts like if nothing happened. The leadership course continued. She decided to stay on the leadership course and think in over a solution.

 

[Tarheel]

Try:

An old video appeared on the screen at the front of the auditorium. The viewers saw a close up of a beautiful young blonde girl.

How do we know it was an old video, and how old was it?

 

[Tarheel]

Perhaps:

The audience buzzed with conversation, and Kelly realized that she was the star of the video.

Kelly watched the video and saw Ben, a seven-year-old, talking to her.

 

[Tarheel]

Say:

When the video ended, a large part of the audience stared at Kelly.

 

[Tarheel]

Perhaps:

Kelly acted as if nothing unusual had happened. The leadership course continued. Kelly decided to stay in the leadership course and plot her revenge.