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  1. Member
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    #1

    Please help me proofread this notice and polish it.

    ******************************

    May I have your attention, please?
    This Friday you will visit Hongxing High School as volunteers, which is a very important part of the exchange program. The school bus will pick you up at the school gate at 2 p.m. This trip aims to give the kids there a taste of American culture. You may prepare some mini lectures and teach the students there some simple but beautiful English songs.
    Through sharing your culture with them, you will know more about this country in return. We wish you all a good trip!
    That’s all. Thank you.

    *****************************



    The above is a kind of writing practice for my students. It presumes that you are the Chairman of School Union and you are going to inform the exchange students in person that they will pay a visit to Hongxing High School as volunteers and you also ask them to prepare for this exchange program. The oral notice above is my own version. It serves as a possible version for my students. I hope someone would be so kind as to help me perfect it. Many thanks in advance.
    Last edited by rodgers white; 05-Feb-2017 at 15:03.

  2. teechar's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Please help me proofread this notice and polish it.

    Can you show us some of your students' writing? I'm curious to know their level.

  3. Member
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    #3

    Re: Please help me proofread this notice and polish it.

    Quote Originally Posted by teechar View Post
    Can you show us some of your students' writing? I'm curious to know their level.
    No problem. The above writing practice has not been assigned as the students' homework yet. So, I just show you one of the previous students' writings, which goes as follows:

    *************************

    The school Union organized some students, including me as the volunteer to work in committee last week. They gave us a warm welcome and show us around. We cleaned the window, swept the flood, watered the flowers and so on. The thing impressed me most is to do the old a favor. When doing their housework, I noticed the smile on their face. The moment I understood how lonely they were and others' care that they needly badly.

    *************************




    *************************


    The Student Union organized some students, including me, as the volunteers to do some voluntary work in a nearby community last week. As soon as we got there, they gave us a warm welcome and showed us around. We cleaned the window, swept the floor, watered the flowers and so on. The thing impressed me most is to do the old a favor. When doing housework for these elderly people, I noticed the big smiles on their faces. At that moment I understood how lonely they were and how badly they needed our help. What's more, I began to realize how meaningful what we did was.


    *************************

    The above is the version after I proofread my student's writing. Also, I advised my student to write this in third person.
    Last edited by rodgers white; 06-Feb-2017 at 02:49.

  4. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Please help me proofread this notice and polish it.

    Did the student really write "swept the flood​"?
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  5. Member
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    #5

    Re: Please help me proofread this notice and polish it.

    Unfortunately, yes.

  6. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: Please help me proofread this notice and polish it.

    Out of curiosity, do your students handwrite their work or do they type it on a computer?
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  7. Member
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    #7

    Re: Please help me proofread this notice and polish it.

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    Out of curiosity, do your students handwrite their work or do they type it on a computer?
    Many thanks for your concern. They handwrite their work in their exercise books.

  8. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #8

    Re: Please help me proofread this notice and polish it.

    OK. I wondered if some of their errors were typing typos (which we're all prone to). My Spanish students made far more errors when typing in English than when handwriting.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  9. Member
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    #9

    Re: Please help me proofread this notice and polish it.

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    OK. I wondered if some of their errors were typing typos (which we're all prone to). My Spanish students made far more errors when typing in English than when handwriting.
    Absolutely. Can you please offer some advice on the notice in post 1?

  10. teechar's Avatar
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    #10

    Re: Please help me proofread this notice and polish it.

    Use "students" and "popular" instead of "kids" and "beautiful" respectively.

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