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  1. Newbie
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    #1

    Applying for an MSc in Healthcare Management at CBS, could someone help me please?

    Hi guys, I am applying to the MSc in Healthcare Management at Copenaghen Business School, this is my motivational essay, could please someone review it? I'll be very grateful :

    Dear Sirs,

    This is my application for the MSc in Business Administration and Innovation in Health Care at the Copenaghen Business School.
    One may wonder why you should take me instead of another student applying for this master program. I am not going to say that you should take me because I am the best student you could ever admit or for other boastful reasons. That would only be a-debatable issue.
    My purpose is simple, and yet meaningful for me. As you know, I decided to apply for this course at your university, the Copenhagen Business School, a university that is far away from home and in a country where is spoken a language with which I am not familiar, whereas I could study in my native home, Italy, where everything would be significantly easier. I decided to run a risk, someone may say a great risk, but I believe firmly that a life without risks is a life without success. I took this decision consciously as I know that studying at CBS would give me major possibilities rather than studying in my home country and as I am aware of the fact that I will not disappoint you, therefore I am ready to take this chance.

    I would like to enroll in this master at your University because this is the great combination of my two major passions, the healthcare and the business administration.
    My passion for the Health Care sector became evident when I was five years old and I started visiting my auntís clinical analythical laboratory, I loved that place because it was such small but such useful for the citizens of the small town where I grew up. I was impressed by the ability to directly effect on peopleís life of a small laboratory.
    I have been helping my aunt for years in her laboratory, my main duty was to check the invoices due to my good mathematical attitude. Growing up, I have been following my father, a real estate developer, in his job and this made me love the business administration, for this reason at my last year of high school I decided to enroll in a bachelor of Business Administration and Management at Bocconi University dreaming to continue my studies in the Healthcare Management sector.

    In addition, I can contribute to the international program with my background in studentís organizations, since I went to the highschool I started spend my time in various studentís organizations which had the objective of improve studentís life, locally and nationally. I held many leadership positions, I have been the provincial president of the biggest studentís organizations of the province then I have been elected President of all the provinceís students. Thanks to this position, I could sit in a round-table with the Regional Councillor of Education to write a new Law for the right to study in Sicily. Then I partecipate to the National Council of Presidents in Rome, a meeting with the Italian Minister of Education. I kept working in organizations at Bocconi University, founding ACT Bocconi, an electoral list which has ranked second at the 2015 elections.
    These experiences, combined with my internship at the Consulate General of Italy in Philadelphia, have stimulated my ability to plan, to visualize solutions creatively, and to implement them successfully with the talent in dealing with people.

    I strongly believe that I will benefit a lot from studying at the Copenhagen Business School as it is a very prestigious and well known institution with pragmatic and effective teaching. Furthermore, the city of Copenhagen is a remarkable stimulating environment and it supplies plenty of business and cultural opportunities.
    Fully aware of the numerous applications you have received for this master, I am most grateful for your time and consideration.
    Sincerely yours,
    Luca xxxxx

  2. teechar's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Applying for an MSc in Healthcare Management at CBS, could someone help me please

    Quote Originally Posted by RubikGvng View Post
    Hi, guys, I am applying to the MSc in Healthcare Management at Copenhagen Business School, and this is my motivational essay. Could someone please someone review it? I'll be very grateful.

    Dear Sir/Madam,

    This is my application I wish to apply for the MSc in Business Administration and Innovation in Healthcare at the Copenhagen Business School.

    One may wonder why you should take me instead of another student applying for this master program. I am not going to say that you should take me because I am the best student you could ever admit or for other boastful reasons. That would only be a-debatable issue.

    My purpose is simple, and yet meaningful for me. As you know, I decided to apply for this course at your university, the Copenhagen Business School, a university that is far away from home and in a country where is spoken a language with which I am not familiar, whereas I could study in my native home, Italy, where everything would be significantly easier. I decided to run a risk, someone may say a great risk, but I believe firmly that a life without risks is a life without success. I took this decision consciously as I know that studying at CBS would give me major possibilities rather than studying in my home country and as I am aware of the fact that I will not disappoint you, therefore I am ready to take this chance.


    I am interested in your program because it combines would like to enroll in this master at your University because this is the great combination of my two major passions, the healthcare and the business administration.

    My passion for the healthcare sector became evident started when I was five years old. and I started visiting I regularly visited my auntís clinical analytical [Do you mean "pathology laboratory" instead?] laboratory, and I loved that place because it was such small but such so important and useful for the people citizens of the small town where I grew up. I was impressed by the ability to directly effect on peopleís life of a small laboratory.
    I have been helped ing my aunt for years in her laboratory, where my main duty was to check the invoices due to my good mathematical skills. attitude. Growing up, I have been following my father, a real estate developer, in his job and this made me love the business administration. For this reason, at during my last year of high school I decided to enroll in the Bachelor of Business Administration and Management at Bocconi University dreaming and I've since aspired to continue my studies in the healthcare management. sector.

    In addition, I can contribute to the this international program with my background in student organizations. since I went to the highschool I started spend my time in various studentís organizations which had the objective of improve studentís life, locally and nationally. I've held many leadership positions , I have and been the provincial president of the biggest student organizations of the in my province then I have been elected President of all the provinceís students. Thanks to this position, I could sit in a round-table with the Regional Councillor of Education to write a new Law for the right to study in Sicily. Then I also participated to in the National Council of Student Union Presidents in Rome, a meeting with the Italian Minister of Education. I kept working in organizations at Bocconi University, helped with the founding of ACT Bocconi, an electoral list which has ranked second at the 2015 elections.

    These experiences, combined with my internship at the Consulate General of Italy in Philadelphia [You should elaborate on that.] have stimulated my ability to plan, to visualize solutions creatively, and to implement them successfully. with the talent in dealing with people.

    I strongly believe that I will benefit a lot greatly from studying at the Copenhagen Business School as it is a very prestigious and highly renowned well known institution with pragmatic and effective teaching. Furthermore, the city of Copenhagen is a remarkable and exciting stimulating environment and it supplies offers plenty of business and cultural opportunities.

    Fully aware of the numerous applications you have received for this master, I am most grateful for your time and consideration, and I await your positive reply.

    Sincerely yours,

    Luca xxxxx
    I don't understand the text highlighted in blue. Try to write in a clear, concise and direct manner.

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