Letter to the editor

[yslamac]

Please check my letter and make suggestions for it. Thank you.:-D

Topic :

Because of the lack of sports facilities, some people in your community have suggested that schools should allow the public to use their sports facilities after school hours.
Write a letter to the editor of the Hong Kong Daily stating your opinion. Support your opinion with three reasons.

Dear Editor,

We often hear citizens complaining about the lack of sports facilities in the city. It is understandable that the government needs to manifest the fiscal budget in a more careful way to avoid deficit and to address other more pressing issues. Nevertheless, exercising has numerous intangible benefits on us: improvement of cardiovascular functions, increase in muscular strength, lower cholesterol levels, etc. I agree with the idea suggested by a legislative councilor that the schools in the city can allow the public to enjoy their sports facilities after school hours.

As mentioned, exercising improves people’s health. It has been suggested by the report commissioned by the Public Health Department that one-third of the middle-aged citizens have a cardiovascular function that is below the standard suggested by the World Health Organization. In such case, they are more vulnerable to heart attacks and coronary heart diseases. There is no doubt that they would suffer from it themselves; however, it might also increase the financial burden on the administration as more money would be spent on the public health sector. It is always true that prevention is better than cure. The government should have a discussion with the schools on this issue: public usage of sports facilities after school hours. And I believe this can make sports more appealing to the citizens who wish to workout.

Through more engagement in sports, citizens can improve their social life. I personally join a gym club and have noticed that people are more willing to have small talks and chit-chats whenever they are attending a sport class or lifting the dumbbells. It is generally realized that people in our city are reluctant to reach out and show reservation to make new friends. This can be explained by the fact that we lack common interests, therefore topics. Citizens are stick to a very fast-paced life, and work around the clock; they seem to forget the importance of the cultivation of interests. In my gym club, those members soak up in the energy-filled atmosphere bestowed by exercising, and they are eager to initiate a conversation with the people next to them. It is my very personal wish that citizens can only go to the school in which they graduated, and this can allow them to chance upon their old friends.

Another justified reason for the suggestion is that the government can offer more job opportunities through this proposal. Although our city is only supported by the property and the financial sectors, it is important to diversify its economy and create jobs of different industries.
Therefore, I propose to allow people to have access to gym rooms in schools and to have free personal trainers on site at the same time. This, of course, will increase the expenditure; but the government can utilize this chance to show that it is determined to include more industries and to improve its citizens’ health. Also, people may easily get injured if they don’t have enough supervision from professionals. Therefore, there is a real need to hire qualified personal trainers.

We all expect the government can table the discussion and value the importance of sports.

Yours truly

 

[teechar]

What's is the deadline for submitting this letter to be marked?

 

[yslamac]

No deadline. This is a past topic of a public exam. You can google it if you want to.

 

[teechar]

Because of the lack of sports facilities, some people in your community have suggested that schools should allow the public to use their sports facilities after school hours.
Write a letter to the editor of the Hong Kong Daily stating your opinion. Support your opinion with three reasons.

Dear Editor,

[STRIKE]We often hear citizens[/STRIKE] Many people are complaining about the lack of sports facilities in the city.Therefore, [STRIKE]It is understandable that[/STRIKE] the government needs to provide adequate facilities for the public [STRIKE]manifest the fiscal budget in a more careful way to avoid deficit and to address other more pressing[/STRIKE] to address this issue. [STRIKE]Nevertheless,[/STRIKE] Exercising has numerous direct and indirect health [STRIKE]intangible[/STRIKE] benefits on us, including the improvement [STRIKE]of[/STRIKE] in cardiovascular function, increase in muscular strength, lower cholesterol levels, etc. I agree with the idea suggested by a member of the legislative council [STRIKE]or[/STRIKE] that the schools in the city [STRIKE]can[/STRIKE] should allow the public to enjoy their sports facilities after school hours.

As mentioned, exercising improves people’s health. [STRIKE]It has been suggested by[/STRIKE] According to the report commissioned by the Public Health Department, [STRIKE]that[/STRIKE] one third of [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] middle-aged people in Hong Kong [STRIKE]citizens[/STRIKE] have a cardiovascular function that is below the standard set [STRIKE]suggested[/STRIKE] by the World Health Organization. [STRIKE]In such case, they[/STRIKE] These people are, therefore, more vulnerable to heart attacks and coronary heart disease. [STRIKE]There is no doubt that they would suffer from it themselves; however, it might also increase the[/STRIKE] This also represents a financial burden [STRIKE]on the administrationas more money would be spent on[/STRIKE] to the public health sector. It is always true that prevention is better than cure, so the government should [STRIKE]have a discussion[/STRIKE] liaise with [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] schools to facilitate and promote [STRIKE]on this issue:[/STRIKE] public usage of sports facilities after school hours. And I believe this can make sports more appealing to [STRIKE]the citizens[/STRIKE] all who wish to work out.

Additionally, through [STRIKE]more engagement[/STRIKE] increased participation in sports, [STRIKE]citizens[/STRIKE] people can improve their social life. I personally [STRIKE]join[/STRIKE] am a member of a gym, [STRIKE]club[/STRIKE] and I have noticed that people [STRIKE]are more willing to have[/STRIKE] enjoy small talk and chit-chats [STRIKE]whenever they are attending[/STRIKE] after a sports class or while exercising. [STRIKE]lifting the dumbbells. It is generally realized that people in our city are reluctant to reach out and show reservation to make new friends. This can be explained by the fact that we lack common interests, therefore topics. Citizens are stick to a very fast-paced life, and work around the clock; they seem to forget the importance of the cultivation of interests. In my gym club, those members soak up in the energy-filled atmosphere bestowed by exercising, and they are eager to initiate a conversation with the people next to them. It is my very personal wish that citizens can only go to the school in which they graduated, and this can allow them to chance upon their old friends.[/STRIKE]

Another [STRIKE]justified[/STRIKE] compelling reason for allowing the public to use schools' sports facilities [STRIKE]the suggestion[/STRIKE] is that the government can offer more job opportunities through this proposal. Although our [STRIKE]city is only supported by[/STRIKE] economy is largely dependent on the the property and the financial sectors, it is important to diversify [STRIKE]its economy[/STRIKE] and create jobs in other fields. [STRIKE]of different industries. Therefore, I propose to allow people to have access to gym rooms in schools and to have free[/STRIKE] The government can employ instructors and personal trainers to assist the public and supervise the use of sports facilities in schools. [STRIKE]on site at the same time. This, of course, will increase the expenditure; but the government can utilize this chance to show that it is determined to include more industries and to improve its citizens’ health. Also, people may easily get injured if they don’t have enough supervision from professionals. Therefore, there is a real need to hire qualified personal trainers.[/STRIKE]

I hope our government will consider this matter seriously and promptly. [STRIKE]We all expect the government can table the discussion and value the importance of sports. [/STRIKE]

Yours truly,

.

 

[yslamac]

Thank you for the improvements. Personally I don't want to write a very long letter if this is a real-life situation. However, there is a word limit for the exam, and poorly, our exam tests for whether one can write few grammar mistakes and can use a wide range of difficult vocabulary rather than writing in a clear and simple way. Anyway, I really appreciate your improvements on the letter.:-D

 

[teechar]

You're welcome, yslamac. However, note that you can achieve a higher word count by elaborating on the main points outlined (deeper discussion and/or specific examples) instead of by artificially padding your text. Would you like to do that with the above, or would you prefer to start a new letter?

 

[yslamac]

This is the new version of the third paragraph. Please have a look. Thank you.

Additionally, through increased participlation in sports, people can improved their social life. I personally am a member of a gym, and I have noticed that people enjoy small talk and chit-cats after a sports class or while exercising. They usually initiate a conversation by first asking others simple questions like how long they have been attending the yoga class or what your favorite sports is, followed by exchanging Facebook or Instagram to make friends. Also, it has been found out by many scientists that exercising can lower stress hormones and discomfort. With a decrease in distress, people will be more positive and are more willing to reach out and get out of their comfort zone. On top of that, exercising can make one healthier and more energetic; therefore, be more appealing.

 

[teechar]

This is the new version of the third paragraph. Please have a look. Thank you.

Additionally, through increased participation in sports, people can improve their social life. I personally am a member of a gym, and I have noticed that people enjoy small talk and chit-chats after a sports class or while exercising. They [STRIKE]usually initiate a conversation by first asking others simple questions like[/STRIKE] sometimes talk about how long they have been attending the yoga class or what [STRIKE]your[/STRIKE] their favorite sport is, [STRIKE]followed by[/STRIKE] and they might exchange [STRIKE]ing[/STRIKE] Facebook or Instagram to make friends. Also, it has been [STRIKE]found out[/STRIKE] established by many scientists that exercising can lower stress [STRIKE]hormones[/STRIKE] and and reduce discomfort, thus helping people to [STRIKE]With a decrease in distress, people will[/STRIKE] be more positive and [STRIKE]are[/STRIKE] more willing to reach out to each other and get out of their comfort zone. [STRIKE]On top of that,[/STRIKE] Furthermore, exercising can make one healthier and more energetic and lively. [STRIKE]; therefore, be more appealing.[/STRIKE]

Note that you should use the base verb after a modal verb.

People can improved their social life.

People can improving their social life.

People can improves their social life.

People can improve their social life.

 

[yslamac]

Is it natural and common for native speakers to use two "and" in one sentence, like the last sentence?

 

[emsr2d2]

In that context, it's OK. I read it as "healthier" and "more energetic and lively". However, I would probably write "... exercising can make one more lively, healthy and energetic."