Doctor Li is giving a talk about health to the students

[touchstone]

Dear teachers and friends,

I’m writing this post to ask for your help. I don’t think the English books used by local middle school students are well-written. I want to write to the authority here and tell them that, hoping that they will choose some better books in the future. I have to explain the reasons to them. Here is a passage from the book for the eighth graders, which I find very contrived. First I try to point out the problems in my opinion. Then I wonder if you could tell me whether my ideas are right or not. With your help, I think I could write a convincing letter to the local educational authority.

(Doctor Li is giving a talk about health to the students.)
You need to have healthy eating habits. Breakfast gives you enough energy for the morning. So don’t go to school without it. Fruit and vegetables are good for your health, but fast food, like potato chips, will make you fat and unhealthy. So eat the right food to keep you healthy.

Playing sports can also help you keep fit. But sometimes accidents can happen, so try to stay safe when you play them. It’s necessary for you to learn about first aid. Then you can help yourselves or others if an accident happens.

Happiness is important for your health. It is the best medicine. When you are ill, try to be happy and you’ll feel better. On the other hand, you may feel ill if you are always unhappy. So, be happy to be healthy.You must stay away from smoking and drinking. Many students think it’s cool to smoke and drink. But they don’t know smoking or drinking can cause many illnesses. You should say no to smoking and drinking.

My corrections:
1. As a talk or speech, it should have a beginning and ending. For example, ‘Hi, everyone. I’m very glad to have a chance to talk about health with you’ and ‘That’s all for my speech. Thank you for listening. Do you have any questions?’

2. Doctor Li should use words like ‘first’‘second’‘third’ and so on to join his speech.

3. The second paragraph is rather stilted and has too many wording repetitions. I rewrite it as follows:Playing sports can also help you keep fit. But sometimes there may be accidents, so try to be careful when you exercise. It’s necessary for you to learn about first aid. With the knowledge of it, you can help yourselves or others when an accident happens.

4. In paragraph 4, ‘Happiness’ should be changed to ‘To have a good mood’.

What do you say, dear teachers and friends?

Thanks a lot in advance.

 

[Tdol]

1 is optional, though something that indicates that it is a speech would help to clarify the type of text. 2 might help in terms of clarity, but it is, again, optional. The second paragraph is a bit stilted for me. I disagree about changing happiness to to have a good mood.

 

[teechar]

Dear teachers and friends,

I'm writing this post to ask for your help. I don't think the English books used by local middle school students are well-written. I want to write to the authority here and tell them that, hoping that they will choose some better books in the future. I have to explain the reasons to them. Here is a passage from the book for the eighth graders, which I find very contrived. [STRIKE]First[/STRIKE] I'll try to point out what I think are the problems, [STRIKE]in my opinion. Then I wonder[/STRIKE] and I would appreciate it if you could tell me whether my ideas are right or not. With your help, I think I could write a convincing letter to the local educational authority.

(Doctor Li is giving a talk about health to the students.)
You need to have healthy eating habits. Breakfast gives you enough energy for the morning, so don’t go to school without having a good breakfast. [STRIKE]it.[/STRIKE] Fruit and vegetables are good for your health, but fast food, like potato chips, will make you fat and unhealthy. So eat the right foods to [STRIKE]keep you[/STRIKE] stay healthy.

Playing sports can also help you keep fit. But sometimes accidents can happen, so [STRIKE]try to stay[/STRIKE] safety is very important in sport. [STRIKE]when you play them.[/STRIKE] It’s necessary for you to learn about first aid. Then you can help yourselves or others if an accident happens.

Happiness is important for your health. It is the best medicine. When you are ill, try to be happy and you'll feel better. On the other hand, you may feel ill if you are always unhappy. So, be happy to be healthy. You must stay away from cigarettes and alcohol. [STRIKE]smoking and drinking.[/STRIKE] Many students think it’s cool to smoke and drink. But they don’t know smoking or drinking can cause many illnesses. You should say no to smoking and drinking.

My corrections:
1. As a talk or speech, it should have a beginning and an ending. For example, ‘Hi, everyone. I’m very glad to have the chance to talk about health with you’ and ‘That’s all for my speech. Thank you for listening. Do you have any questions?’

2. Doctor Li should use words like ‘first’‘second’‘third’ and so on to join his speech.
[Or other linking/transition words/phrases]

3. The second paragraph is rather stilted and has too many [STRIKE]wording[/STRIKE] repetitions. I rewrote it as follows:Playing sports can also help you keep fit. But sometimes there may be accidents, so try to be careful when you exercise. It's also necessary for you to learn about first aid [STRIKE]. With the knowledge of it,[/STRIKE] to [STRIKE]you can[/STRIKE] help yourselves or others when an accident happens.

4. In paragraph 4, ‘Happiness’ should be changed to ‘To have a good mood’.

What do you say, dear teachers and friends?

Thanks a lot in advance.

See above as well as post #2.

 

[touchstone]

Thanks so much for your kindness and patience, Tdol, Teechar and Piscean. Your replies help me greatly.

The passage in the original post may not be the worst one. I haven’t finished reading the series of textbooks. But I’ve found some dialogues which are very artificial and dull too, and maybe have some mistakes. Here are three examples.

Dialogue 1.
(The telephone rings while Jane is practicing the violin.)
Jane’s mother: Hello!
Maria: Hello! This is Maria speaking. May I speak to Jane?
Jane’s mother: Hold the line, please.
(Jane answers the telephone.)
Jane: Hello, Maria!
Maria: Hello! What are you doing, Jane?
Jane: I’m practicing the violin.
Maria: What were you doing at this time yesterday? I called you to go to the English Corner but no one answered.
Jane: This time yesterday? Oh, I was taking a shower.(That’s the end.)

I know the writer’s aim is to present ‘past continuous tense’ and compare it with ‘present continuous tense’, but it’s too man-made and boring, which can’t interest students at all. What’s more, it seems ridiculous for Maria to call Jane just to ask her ‘what are doing now’ and ‘what were you doing this time yesterday’. It’ll be a little natural for Maria to say a few more words: ‘I see. Well, are you free tonight? I’d like to ask you to see a movie with me.’

Dialogue 2.
Jane: Listen! What sweet music! Do you like it?
Li Ming: Yes, I do. I usually listen to music in my free time.
Jane: What kind of music do you like?
Li Ming: It’s hard to say. I used to enjoy pop music, but now I like folk music.
Jane: Do you like classical music?
Li Ming: No, I don’t like it at all. It’s too serious. How about you?
Jane: Well, classical music is not my favorite, but I don’t mind it. I hate listening to rock music.
Li Ming: Why?
Jane: I think it’s too noisy.

1) Jane asks, ‘What kind of music do you like?’ Li Ming answers, ‘It’s hard to say.’ I think Li Ming’s answer is too contrived. Teenagers usually speak directly, especially when asked about their likes and hobbies.

2) Li Ming says the reason why he dislikes classical music is that it’s too serious. I don’t think it’s a good reason. Not all classical music is serious.

3) Jane says , ‘Well, classical music is not my favorite, but I don’t mind it. ’ In my opinion, people don’t mind something negative. For example, when asked, ‘Do you smoke?’ you may answer, ‘No, I don’t, but I don’t mind it.’ Classical music is not something negative.

Dialogue 3.
Jane: What were you doing at this time last night?
Michael: I was watching a Harry Porter movie.
Jane: I saw it last week. It’s wonderful.
Michael: I don’t agree.
Jane: Why? Isn’t it interesting?
Michael: No, I don’t think so. I think it is just so-so. But I enjoy the music. It is very pleasant!
Jane: I agree with you. Do you like Harry Porter? I think he is cute.
Michael: I don’t know about that, but I think he is very brave.
Jane: Hmm, you are quite right.

I have two questions about this dialogue. First, I wonder if it’s OK to use ‘cute’ to describe a teenager. I have the impression that people usually say ‘a cute little baby’. Second, ‘I don’t know about that’ seems too ambiguous. Does it mean ‘I don’t agree’ here?

Dear teachers and friends, I would appreciate it if you could answer my questions and tell me whether my ideas are right or not.
Thanks a lot in advance.

 

[GoesStation]

Cute is widely used in AmE to describe attractive young women and girls. It doesn't seem out of place for a teenage girl to describe a teenage boy that way.

"I don't know about that" is a natural way to say "I'm not sure I agree."

Calling classical music too serious seems completely natural for a teenager.

 

[teechar]

I know the writer’s aim is to present the past continuous tense and compare it with the present continuous tense, but it’s too [STRIKE]man-made[/STRIKE] artificial and boring [STRIKE], which can’t interest[/STRIKE] and is not likely to engage students at all [I think you're being overcritical; I think that dialogue is okay.]. What’s more, it seems ridiculous for Maria to call Jane just to ask her ‘what are doing now’ and ‘what were you doing this time yesterday’ [Again, I disagree; I don't see any problem with that.]. It would [STRIKE]’ll[/STRIKE] be a little more natural for Maria to say a few more words: ‘I see. Well, are you free tonight? [Possibly.] I’d like to ask you to see a movie with me. [Now that's unnatural!]

Dialogue 2.
Jane: Listen! What sweet music! Do you like it?
Li Ming: Yes, I do. I usually listen to music in my free time.
Jane: What kind of music do you like?
Li Ming: It’s hard to say. I used to enjoy pop music, but now I like folk music.
Jane: Do you like classical music?
Li Ming: No, I don’t like it at all. It’s too serious. How about you?
Jane: Well, classical music is not my favorite, but I don’t mind it. I hate listening to rock music.
Li Ming: Why?
Jane: I think it’s too noisy.

1) Jane asks, ‘What kind of music do you like?’ Li Ming answers, ‘It’s hard to say.’ I think Li Ming’s answer is too contrived. Teenagers usually speak directly, especially when asked about their likes and hobbies. [Again, there's nothing wrong at all with that dialogue.]

2) Li Ming says the reason why he dislikes classical music is that it’s too serious. I don’t think it’s a good reason. Not all classical music is serious. [But Li Ming didn't say it was all serious!]

3) Jane says , ‘Well, classical music is not my favorite, but I don’t mind it. ’ In my opinion, people don’t mind something negative. For example, when asked, ‘Do you smoke?’ you may answer, ‘No, I don’t, but I don’t mind it.’ Classical music is not something negative. [No, you're wrong on that one. It doesn't have to be a negative thing that people don't mind.]

Dialogue 3.
Jane: What were you doing at this time last night?
Michael: I was watching the latest Harry Porter movie.
Jane: I saw it last week. It’s wonderful.
Michael: I don’t agree.
Jane: Why? Isn’t it interesting?
Michael: No, I don’t think so. I think it is just so-so. But I enjoyed the music. It is very pleasant!
Jane: I agree with you. Do you like Harry Porter? I think he is cute.
Michael: I don’t know about that, but I think he is very brave.
Jane: Hmm, you are quite right.

I have two questions about this dialogue. First, I wonder if it’s OK to use ‘cute’ to describe a teenager. I have the impression that people usually say ‘a cute little baby’. Second, ‘I don’t know about that’ seems too ambiguous. Does it mean ‘I don’t agree’ here? [Refer to the comment by GoesStation above.]

Note my suggested amendments to dialogue #3.

 

[touchstone]

Dear teachers and friends,
The following passages are taken from the textbook for the ninth graders in the series mentioned in the OP, which are two speeches made by two students at their junior middle school graduation ceremony. I’d like to know if they are well-written or not. Thanks a lot in advance.

Passage 1
Hello, everyone! I feel so excited and so happy. We have had three fantastic years in Beijing International School. We have studied and lived together like a happy family. We’ve had a lot of fun together, too. I’ve learned a lot from you all, my dear teachers and friends. As is known to all, “Everything comes to him who waits.” So, if I want to succeed, I must study hard. We’ll say goodbye to each other soon. I’ll never forget you. I hope your friendship will last forever. I’m sure it will be more and more valuable as time goes by. So from the bottom of my heart, I thank you all and wish you success in the future.

Passage 2
Good morning, my dear teachers and friends! I have many unforgettable memories of the past three years. I got along well with my classmates. We helped and learned from each other. To my great joy, I won the Excellent Student Award in my class. Thanks to my teachers and my parents, I’ve made so much progress. You know, “There is no royal road to learning.” So, I will keep on working hard to realize my dream. I love our teachers, our friends and our school very much. I will miss you all. Thanks a lot.

 

[teechar]

I don't see any glaring errors or major problems with the above.

 

[touchstone]

Thanks so much for your replies, teechar and Piscean.

I agree with you. As speeches made by Chinese junior middle school students in reality, the two passages are perfectly acceptable, but as texts for students to learn and imitate, I don’t think they are good enough. I think the standard should be higher and the language should be more authentic.

For the first passage, I think the following sentences are very abrupt:
As is known to all, “Everything comes to him who waits.” So, if I want to succeed, I must study hard.

For the second passage, I wonder if the following sentences should be in the present perfect tense：
I got along well with my classmates. We helped and learned from each other.

Furthermore, both passages are not been divided into paragraphs.

What do you say?

Thanks a lot again.

 

[touchstone]

Dear teachers and friends,

Thank you so much for your patience, kindness and for sharing your teaching experiences. I really appreciate your help.
As a series of textbooks examined and approved by the Ministry of Education of China,I hadn’t had doubts about them until I found some obvious mistakes. These books’ first edition was published in 2004 and have been revised for several times. Here are some of the mistakes from my point of view.

1. What’s the main idea of Paragraph 2 and 3?

2. She is flying Shanghai tonight.

3. Sometimes people can not keep a home.... They can not raise their children.

4. Don’t let our tears be the last drop of water on the earth.

5. She has gone to Mount Huang for vacation.

6. I’m writing to say something about the chemical factory near my house. The factory causes too many problems. First, it produces terrible gas. ... I think people should care for these problems and I hope the government will solve them soon.

7. To be green people, we should shut off the electricity when we leave a room.

8. Jack: Where have you been during the summer vacation?
Maria: I’ve been to a summer school.
Jack: How interesting! Have you been to any other place?
...
I didn’t mean to to find fault with materials in those books. I just want to make sure and learn something. With your help, I’ve learned so much knowledge that I can’t get from books and dictionaries.

Here is another passage in which I think there are some questionable points. Would you be kind enough to have a look and give your ideas? I would appreciate it very much if you could help me again.

What Mothers Said to Eat
Mothers always tell their children what they should eat.

When Kangkang was a child, his mother often told him, “Be careful not to eat too much salt or sugar.” She said it might cause illness.

Maria’s mother always took care of Maria very well. For example, Maria’s teeth were very weak, so her mother said that she mustn’t eat too much candy or ice cream.

Milk is a healthy drink. Jane didn’t like it, but her mother always forced her to drink it. Every morning before she left for school, she had to drink a glass of milk because her mother was always watching her.

During Michael’s childhood, he had to eat many vegetables and fruit to keep healthy. Once, cabbage was on his plate. As soon as Michael saw it, he got mad. But his mother made him taste it. He was surprised to find that it was delicious!(Project English, Wang Dechun)

Here are my ideas and questions.
1. I don’t quite understand the title and don’t think it’s a good one.

2. Mothers always tell their children what they should eat. This is the first sentence of the passage and it uses the simple present tense while the following examples all use the simple past tense. I wonder if it’s better to say: Mothers always tell their children what they should eat when they are young.

3. We may say be careful not to drop your glass or not to slip, but be careful not to eat too much salt or sugar is a little odd. I wonder if it’s better to simply say don’t eat too much salt or sugar.

4. She said it might cause illness. Maybe it’s better to say ‘illnesses’.

5. I wonder if teeth were very weak is OK.

6. Milk is a healthy drink. Jane didn’t like it, but her mother always forced her to drink it. Maybe it’s better to delete the last ‘it’.
7. During Michael’s childhood, he had to eat many vegetables and fruit to keep healthy. I think ‘many’ should be replaced by ‘a lot of’.

8. Once, cabbage was on his plate. I wonder if it’s better to say once, his mother put some cabbage on his plate.

9. The article didn’t have an ending. Maybe a few more words could be added: what do you think of these children’s experiences and what about yours？

Thanks a lot in advance.

 

[teechar]

Please edit post #13 to make it more readable! To start with, use the default font and include some line breaks.

 

[Tdol]

There are some mistakes, but do they negate the entire book series? I have used books that had mistakes that were printed by reputable UK publishers. How common are these errors? Modern books are often not carefully proofread in English-speaking countries. I agree with you that there are mistakes, but how serious are they? I have told students to correct things in books before. If they question whether you're right, post the individual issue up here and see what people say.