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  1. VIP Member
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    #1

    Peter sipped his beer

    I feel something is wrong with my sentences, but I cannot point out the mistake. Would you please correct my mistakes?

    1.Peter sipped his beer, staring at the bosomy barmaid pulling the draught beer. He tried to pluck up courage to ask her for a date.

    or this version:

    2. Peter sipped his beer, staring at the bosomy barmaid, who pulled the draught beer. He tried to pluck up courage to ask her for a date.

  2. Piscean's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Peter sipped his beer

    I prefer the second.

    I'd be more likely to say 'his pint' than 'his draught beer'.

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    #3

    Re: Peter sipped his beer

    Albeit a distinctly unsavoury, potentially sexist, description of her shape, I'd use "busty" or "buxom", rather than "bosomy".

    Also, is the beer he is drinking the one that the barmaid pulled? If so, then "Peter sipped his beer/pint, staring at the busty barmaid who had pulled it."
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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    #4

    Re: Peter sipped his beer

    Avoid repeating 'beer' in the same sentence - as Piscean and ems did.

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    #5

    Re: Peter sipped his beer

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    Peter sipped his beer, staring at the bosomy lovely barmaid pulling a pint. the draught beer. He tried to pluck up the courage to ask her for out on a date.
    .

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    #6

    Re: Peter sipped his beer

    emsr2d2,

    With all due respect, but the Logman Dictionary does not say anything about sexism or something other negative regarding the word "bosomy." Maybe you and some other people see it as sexist, but for others it is an ordinary word which simply describes a woman's breast. I have used "bosomy" to describe the barmaid, because her large breasts were the first thing men saw in her. When I wrote this sentence I did not think about sexism or what connotations the word "bosomy" would have, but how to describe a man sitting with his beer and staring at the barmaid pulling a pint. As the draught tap is usually at or just below the level of human breasts, it would be natural for him to look at that part of her body, especially if he was sexually interested in her.

  7. Piscean's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: Peter sipped his beer

    Barmaids are not infrequently employed because of their pulling power (in more senses than one).

    However, most males these days, once they have grown up, do not consider it appropriate to show overt awareness of a female's breasts, even less to comment on them.
    Last edited by Piscean; 10-Feb-2017 at 10:09. Reason: typo

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    #8

    Re: Peter sipped his beer

    In AmE you're more likely to hear about somebody 'pouring' draught beer, rather than 'pulling'. You're also more likely to see 'draught' as 'draft', although the first is used.
    Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

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    #9

    Re: Peter sipped his beer

    'Bosomy' to me conjures up images of older grandmothers and aunts, rather than expressing sexual attraction.

    Greg Brown has a humorous anecdote in his song "Canned Goods" about nearly getting "bosomed to death" when his buxom aunts would hug him, nearly suffocating him. The relevant part starts around 6:48.
    Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

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    #10

    Re: Peter sipped his beer

    Skrej,

    The problem is that English dictionaries do not say much about the word "bosomy." Longman dictionary says, "bosomy: having large breast." And I, who am not a native speaker, do not know what kind of meaning that word can produce in the mind of the reader. When I describe a scene, I see it right in front of my eyes, as if I am in the middle of it. Then I try to put the words on the screen, thinking about if I used them grammatically correct. Then first when I post my sentence or a text on the forum I can see where I had made a mistake.

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