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  1. Member
    English Teacher
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Taiwan
      • Current Location:
      • Taiwan

    • Join Date: Apr 2010
    • Posts: 267
    #1

    disadvantaged juveniles

    Is it appropriate to put the following two paragraphs into a curriculum vitae? If yes, please help me proofread them. Thanks a lot.

    My name is Wei Lun Lo. I was born in Taoyuan and grew in Hsinchu, Taiwan. My family is a nuclear family and there are four members in my family. My father is an English teacher teaching in a junior high school. My mother is a thrifty housewife, who is the boss in my family. I have a younger sister, who is still a college student that majors in multimedia design in Shih Chien University. As for me, I received Bachelorís degree in engineering system science from National Tsing Hua University in 2015, and I am currently studying electronic engineering for Masterís degree at National Chiao Tung University.

    I was good at playing badminton and was active in student associations in my college life. In 2015, I won champion of Freshman Cup of badminton in NCTU. Earlier in my college life at NTHU, I joined the club of Health Care and Entertainment Guidance, which mainly focus on helping high school students with learning disabilities, and participated in service activities for disadvantaged juveniles. Through these processes of helping others, I gained valuable experiences, such as the spirit of teamwork, the ability of leadership, good managerial skills and organizational capabilities.

  2. emsr2d2's Avatar
    Moderator
    English Teacher
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Jul 2009
    • Posts: 50,785
    #2

    Re: disadvantaged juveniles

    I see absolutely no need to mention any other members of your family in a CV. It is supposed to be all about you.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  3. Member
    English Teacher
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Taiwan
      • Current Location:
      • Taiwan

    • Join Date: Apr 2010
    • Posts: 267
    #3

    Re: disadvantaged juveniles

    I rewrote the previous writing as follows. Is it appropriate in a CV? Please help me make it sound natural. Thanks a lot.

    My name is Wei Lun Lo. I was born in Taoyuan and grew in Hsinchu, Taiwan. I received Bachelor’s degree in engineering system science from National Tsing Hua University in 2015, and I am currently studying electronic engineering for Master’s degree at National Chiao Tung University.

    I was good at playing badminton and was active in student associations in my college life. In 2015, I won champion of Freshman Cup of badminton in NCTU. Earlier in my college life at NTHU, I joined the club of Health Care and Entertainment Guidance, which mainly focus on helping high school students with learning disabilities, and participated in service activities for disadvantaged juveniles. Through these processes of helping others, I gained valuable experiences, such as the spirit of teamwork, the ability of leadership, good managerial skills and organizational capabilities.

  4. emsr2d2's Avatar
    Moderator
    English Teacher
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Jul 2009
    • Posts: 50,785
    #4

    Re: disadvantaged juveniles

    Unless the job you're applying for is specifically to do with badminton (or other sports), I would delete the first two sentences of paragraph 2. Most CVs have a short section at the end where you add your interests and hobbies. You can put badminton in there.
    A CV needs to concentrate on your strengths, qualifications and job experience that are relevant to the specific job you are applying for.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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