[CV] disadvantaged juveniles

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contiluo

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Joined
Apr 12, 2010
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
Chinese
Home Country
Taiwan
Current Location
Taiwan
Is it appropriate to put the following two paragraphs into a curriculum vitae? If yes, please help me proofread them. Thanks a lot.

My name is Wei Lun Lo. I was born in Taoyuan and grew in Hsinchu, Taiwan. My family is a nuclear family and there are four members in my family. My father is an English teacher teaching in a junior high school. My mother is a thrifty housewife, who is the boss in my family. I have a younger sister, who is still a college student that majors in multimedia design in Shih Chien University. As for me, I received Bachelor’s degree in engineering system science from National Tsing Hua University in 2015, and I am currently studying electronic engineering for Master’s degree at National Chiao Tung University.

I was good at playing badminton and was active in student associations in my college life. In 2015, I won champion of Freshman Cup of badminton in NCTU. Earlier in my college life at NTHU, I joined the club of Health Care and Entertainment Guidance, which mainly focus on helping high school students with learning disabilities, and participated in service activities for disadvantaged juveniles. Through these processes of helping others, I gained valuable experiences, such as the spirit of teamwork, the ability of leadership, good managerial skills and organizational capabilities.
 

emsr2d2

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
British English
Home Country
UK
Current Location
UK
I see absolutely no need to mention any other members of your family in a CV. It is supposed to be all about you.
 

contiluo

Member
Joined
Apr 12, 2010
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
Chinese
Home Country
Taiwan
Current Location
Taiwan
I rewrote the previous writing as follows. Is it appropriate in a CV? Please help me make it sound natural. Thanks a lot.

My name is Wei Lun Lo. I was born in Taoyuan and grew in Hsinchu, Taiwan. I received Bachelor’s degree in engineering system science from National Tsing Hua University in 2015, and I am currently studying electronic engineering for Master’s degree at National Chiao Tung University.

I was good at playing badminton and was active in student associations in my college life. In 2015, I won champion of Freshman Cup of badminton in NCTU. Earlier in my college life at NTHU, I joined the club of Health Care and Entertainment Guidance, which mainly focus on helping high school students with learning disabilities, and participated in service activities for disadvantaged juveniles. Through these processes of helping others, I gained valuable experiences, such as the spirit of teamwork, the ability of leadership, good managerial skills and organizational capabilities.
 

emsr2d2

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
British English
Home Country
UK
Current Location
UK
Unless the job you're applying for is specifically to do with badminton (or other sports), I would delete the first two sentences of paragraph 2. Most CVs have a short section at the end where you add your interests and hobbies. You can put badminton in there.
A CV needs to concentrate on your strengths, qualifications and job experience that are relevant to the specific job you are applying for.
 
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