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  1. Member
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    #1

    Writing practice

    Please improve the letter below. Thank you.

    Q: Many people say that private school bus service operators do not follow proper safety procedures when dealing with young children and they argue that this may pose a danger. Write a letter to the Bus Operators Association of Hong Kong to express your concerns and give three recommendations for how private school bus services can be improved.

    Dear Sir or Madam,

    I am writing with regards to highlight the urgent need for an improvement in the bus service provided your company to private school. Many parents are complaining about the failure of the operators to comply with the safety measures set out by the Education Bureau. Despite the relentless complaints filed by the parents, the operators seem to drag their feet into improving their services, and even turn a blind eye to the emergent danger that might pose on the students. As one of the parents who are very much worrying about this matter, I hope it can be addressed promptly with my recommendations.

    First and foremost, it is necessary to arrange a helper for each trip when a school bus is on the way to school and to home. Many students, if not all, are playful and cunning. Sometimes they might tease, scream and even beat other students on the bus. Surprisingly, the operators do not employ a helper whose job is to make sure every student is well-disciplined, and to settle any disputes between them. Instead, the operators simply ask senior students to be a so-called “Bus Prefect”. I appreciate this act to a certain extent as students can grasp this opportunity to manage quarrels or fights; however, they are minors and might not able to handle things in a mature way. There was an incident that two boys in senior form fought with each other, and both of them were admitted to the hospital in the end. We understand that the arrangement for a school bus helper will increase the operation cost. Nevertheless, the adjustment in bus fare in last month should cover the additional expense for the employment.

    Another must-do new measure is taking attendance. Whenever my son gets on the school bus, he can just sit down directly without someone to take his attendance. Although taking attendance is a small act, it means a lot to students’ safety. Some students travel to school alone; there is a possibility that they would fool around and escape from school without adults’ companion. Even worse, they might be abducted easily as we can spot an uptick regarding missing children recently. We are very much alarmed by all such incidents related and therefore it is a mandate to adopt this new measure.

    Yours faithfully,
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 15-Feb-2017 at 23:44. Reason: Standardised font size across the post

  2. teechar's Avatar
    Moderator
    English Teacher
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    #2

    Re: Writing practice

    Quote Originally Posted by yslamac View Post
    Please improve the letter below. Thank you.

    Q: Many people say that private school bus service operators do not follow proper safety procedures when dealing with young children and they argue that this may pose a danger. Write a letter to the Bus Operators Association of Hong Kong to express your concerns and give three recommendations for how private school bus services can be improved.
    It's [private] [school bus service operators].
    It's not [private school] [bus service operators].


    Quote Originally Posted by yslamac View Post
    Dear Sir or Madam,

    I am writing with regards to highlight the urgent need for an improvement in the bus service provided by your operators. company [Your writing to an association, not a company.] to private school. Many parents are complaining about the failure of the operators to comply with the safety measures set out by the Education Bureau. Despite the relentless numerous complaints filed by the parents, the operators seem to drag their feet on this matter, into improving their services, and even turn a blind eye to on the emergent very real dangers our sons and daughters are facing. that might pose on the students. As one of the parents who are very much worrying concerned about this matter, I urge you to hope it can be addressed promptly with seriously consider my recommendations and promptly deal with the matter.

    First and foremost, it is necessary to arrange a helper have an attendant or a driver assistant for each trip when a on every school bus. is on the way to school and to home. Many students, if not all, are playful and cunning. As you know, young students can be very active and difficult to control, especially on a bus. Sometimes, they might tease, scream and even beat other students on the bus. Surprisingly, Therefore, it is very important for the operators do not to employ a helper whose job is to make sure every students behave is well-disciplined, and to prevent unruly conduct. settle any disputes between them. Instead, Currently, the operators simply ask senior students to be a so-called “bus prefect”. I appreciate this act to a certain extent, as students can grasp this opportunity to manage quarrels or fights; however, they even the prefects are minors and often cannot might not able to handle things in a mature way. There was a recent incident that in which two boys in senior form fought with each other on a school bus, and both of them were admitted to the hospital in the end. We understand that the arrangement for a school bus helper will increase the operational cost. Nevertheless, the adjustment hike in bus fees fare in last month should cover that the additional expense. for the employment.

    Another must-do new measure important point is that operators must keep a record of students getting on/off the bus. taking attendance. Whenever my son gets on/off the school bus, he is unaccounted for. can just sit down directly without someone to take his attendance. Although this may seem like a pointless exercise, taking attendance is a small act, it means a lot to students’ it is actually very important for our children's security and safety. Additionally, without proper record keeping, some students travel to school alone; there is a possibility that they would may foolishly decide to skip school and not get on the bus. around and escape from school without adults’ companion. Even worse, they might be abducted easily as we can spot an uptick regarding missing children recently. [I don't see how that is related to the school bus issue.] We are very much alarmed by all such incidents related and therefore it is a mandate to adopt this new measure.


    I trust you will afford this urgent matter your utmost attention, and I look forward to your reply.


    Yours faithfully,

    Ming Li

    .

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